{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Long story short - my nanny has many conservative values - mom shaming breastfeeding in public, gender specific roles, considering boys better than girls etc. it never bothered me before and I have learned to co exist with her however now my toddler is speaking and understanding more I am worried about him being influenced by her. Further she also has comments against my SO being too involved parent & calling out son as cutie, hugging toddler etc as he is a boy. Contd..", "post_id": "609fe48aef80790022110f91", "reply_count": 13, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

Long story short - my nanny has many conservative values - mom shaming breastfeeding in public, gender specific roles, considering boys better than girls etc. it never bothered me before and I have learned to co exist with her however now my toddler is speaking and understanding more I am worried about him being influenced by her. Further she also has comments against my SO being too involved parent & calling out son as cutie, hugging toddler etc as he is a boy. Contd..

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Get rid of her, you and your family don’t need that toxic view in your lives. No matter what you say to her (ie please keep your views to yourself) her thoughts will come out.

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Useful suggestion

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Find a new nanny, make a change now. Your kids will learn and absorb these things and it will shape them. I would frame it to your nanny as how it affects the kids (do you have a daughter also? She will feel bad if she’s treated differently etc.) and that you need a better fit to support your family. Also I know this is not the point, but also it bugs me when people twist and manipulate conservatism. That behavior is not “conservative” that’s misogynistic.

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Well said PM1. Misogyny unfortunately can be found in individuals aligned to both ends of the political spectrum. OP-it sounds like the nanny isn’t aligned to the culture you’re trying to build in your family. So, yes that warrants a change

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On top of being unable to keep her views to her self she is showing a complete lack of respect for her employer (your husband). I would not want my son growing up thinking that affection from his father is a negative.

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So I have a nanny with extremely different religious views than we do. We’re casually Jewish. She’s a very conservative Christian. It was a concern when we hired her, and we all talked it through. We found out our social values and child raising philosophies were very well aligned. I’m so glad we hired her and she’s an amazing influence on my kids. But you and your nanny have fundamentally different views on raising children and she’s either not capable or not interested in leaving those at home while she’s caring for your child. This is not something that can be overcome. You need to start looking for your next nanny.

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End it now. My babysitter had a hugeee influence on my life and the way I see the world as I spent so much time with her and her family growing up. If you don’t want your child to be influenced by her views I’d remove her from the situation.

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So this hits home... Growing up, for 3 months, my parents hired a nanny who would always find fault in my actions and even shift the blame to me when my brother was clearly at fault. It took one incident when my brother (4years old) hit me and I started dripping blood, and our nanny told my parents that it was my fault and I deserved to be hit by my brother. Long story short, mom and dad reported her and fired her immediately. Mom took time off from hospital (she worked night shifts that time as a newbie doctor) to re establish the core values in my brother and me... The incident still haunts my parents. Not me so much and I don’t think my brother recalls it.

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Kids are like sponges and they’re absorbing and learning everything they’re exposed to. I 100% would not let my child be exposed regularly to someone who is very outspoken about their views that clash with mine. My nanny telling my son he can’t play with a doll, or crying is for girls, or anything stereotypical like that would be an absolute hardstop. The kids are too young at that age to know ‘oh nanny is silly, boys can cry and have feelings too’. They just take to heart ‘I’m bad for crying. My feelings are wrong’. Just using this as an example, not sure what specifically she has said.

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Fire her

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It has come to a point now my husband complains about her all time back to me as well. She also has comments that in all her previous employers the husband does nothing and a good role model to their sons 🤦‍♀️. Do I look for another nanny ? She is good other wise - reliable, flexible and doesn’t hesitate to help on chores etc. my son loves her too but I am worried that her values may bring a different person in my son or my husbands constant rant about her is swaying my thoughts

She's disrespecting your seemingly good husband/great father in his own home. This seems like a non-negotiable for a nanny and anyone that's welcomed in your home. She needs to go.

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