{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Looking for advice on how/when to tell my bosses I’m pregnant. I’m only 8 weeks and have my first doctor’s appointment this week to confirm the pregnancy. We haven’t told any family or friends yet. We have been back in the office since June, so I’m not working remotely. \n\nI plan to wait until 12/13 weeks to tell anyone at work. I’m 29 and a 4th year associate. I do work for 4 main partners, though I have closer working relationships with some more than others. Any advice appreciated!", "post_id": "5f441fffbf109b002a3eabb8", "reply_count": 17, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "5da60c126e5f0d001f32f497", "bowl_name": "Women in Law", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Looking for advice on how/when to tell my bosses I’m pregnant. I’m only 8 weeks and have my first doctor’s appointment this week to confirm the pregnancy. We haven’t told any family or friends yet. We have been back in the office since June, so I’m not working remotely. I plan to wait until 12/13 weeks to tell anyone at work. I’m 29 and a 4th year associate. I do work for 4 main partners, though I have closer working relationships with some more than others. Any advice appreciated!

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I was doing fertility treatments and my boss was giving me time off for it so he actually was told probably earlier than my parents. I just told him “by the way, the last treatment worked and I’m due around X but please don’t tell anyone else just yet.” Pretty simple. No need to get fancy about it. Also you don’t really have to tell HR until later.

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Edit to add that this was helpful because a week later I miscarried one of our twins and he helped cover for me while I was out then after that I had serious blood pressure issues and we had to come up with arrangements to modify my workload.

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I would wait until after the first trimester for sure, just to reduce the risk of having to break bad news to your bosses (been there myself!). They shouldn’t need very much time to come up with a plan and several months should be more than sufficient! Also, congratulations!!!!

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I’d tell them when you start to show and can’t hide it. No need to know earlier unless you have a trial coming up that you will miss. The partner might want to enfold an associate who can go to trial. Sad but true, some partners start to assign work to others - don’t want your performance to fall because of declining work. Congrats. Super exciting.

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Agree with EP1 - no need to say a thing until the fact is evident! And if you feel great and don’t want the partners to stop giving you work/take work away from you, say so! Too many well meaning male partners make inappropriate assumptions.

Congratulations! As per firm policy, when I got pregnant, I informed the managing partner and HR (via email) two months prior to my expected due date. Also, because of WFH orders, I could keep the news private until it was absolutely necessary to let the firm know.

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Are you in the office? Can they see you? Working remotely certainly reduces or eliminates the need to say anything based on the fear that someone can look at you and tell. I’m currently 16 weeks and waiting until around 20 weeks to tell my supervisors and colleagues. I don’t want to be passed over for any good assignments just because they assume I can’t handle it or don’t want to deal with a transition after I’m out on leave. With that said, several of my colleagues told our supervisors during their first trimesters because they needed a greater level of flexibility and understanding. If you’re struggling with fatigue or morning sickness to the point where you need to adjust your work schedule, it might be worth letting them know a little earlier on.

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Also after telling them it did not affect my assignment quality. I actually have to remind them sometimes I’m going to be out in November - but that might be because we are still WFH

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I was told by someone at work to make sure to tell my managing partner first because word will travel fast. Apparently another attorney didn’t tell our managing partner first and he found out by word of mouth and was a little upset about it. When I got pregnant I told my managing partner pretty early because I was so sick I had to go home midday on occasion. He was incredibly supportive and didn’t tell anyone, even the other equity partners, which was nice. Once the other partners found out they asked me my intentions for maternity leave and if I was returning to work, etc. I told them I plan to take what’s allowed by the state but do plan to return to work. I also reminded them that I can’t guarantee when I go out because I can’t predict the future or what complications could arise, but that I would keep them apprised if things should change.

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Congratulations!! I have told my bosses right after my 12 week appointment both times. The second time it was before my parents as well. Like someone else said, it doesn't need to be anything too crazy, but I do think they appreciate the respect of knowing first. Mine have both been super helpful in helping me keep it a secret until I was ready for everyone else to know. (My boss had a cleaned out beer can refilled with water to hand me when I walked in to a work party so I could keep up the façade!) So keep them in mind if you need any help with anything also, especially the ones you are close to!

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Congrats! I’m also pregnant right now. I told them around week 20 (but am still working remotely and if not they may have been able to tell earlier). I would recommend telling them in person or on the phone. When you tell them I don’t think matters as much - but probably before they can tell themselves and after the chance of miscarriage drops. I felt awkward telling them but they were all super nice about it and I felt a lot better after telling them. I don’t think I told them too late. There was still a lot of time to shift workloads.

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I had to tell when I started throwing up regularly. Wait as long as you need but if the symptoms start to affect your work do let them know.

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I told people when 1) there was a real risk that I would need to pop off a morning call to be sick (around 8 weeks but asked the partner not to tell HR) and 2) when we were discussing scheduling for a case that I was staffed on (14 weeks). At 14 weeks, I then made the effort to tell the rest of the partners I needed to within the day.

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I would wait at least until 12-16 weeks

Wait until at least 12 weeks, longer if you can. Word travels fast, so tell people you work closely with before telling HR/practice group leaders.

I’m REALLY bothered by the notion that “word travels fast” when it comes to medical information. If you tell your boss and HR and tell them to keep it quiet and they go tell others, that should be a serious concern. If it was any other medical condition, it wouldnt be the case so I’m not sure why people are so flippant when it comes to pregnancy, especially since all pregnancies aren’t this super happy easy time. When I got pregnant, I told my partner and no one else was told I was pregnant until I started to show and told people myself. When I lost one twin and told my boss, no one knew why I was out. When I lost the other later down the line, no one but my group and HR knew why I was out. If firms are being so open about the medical conditions of their associates, it should concern you.

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I waited until 20 weeks, and I do not regret it. They reacted exactly as I anticipated, unfortunately. I was happy to prolong it / put it off to avoid the stigma that I now don’t take my career seriously. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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