Looking for mom insight (no kids here): just took a red eye and sat next to a couple and their 18ish mo old who was crying and SCREAMING the whole flight. I get that kids are not easy but (cont)...

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OP, sounds like you wanted the parents to be doing something more for appearances than anything else. I don’t know the parents or the child, but it could’ve been anything- an ear infection, not being comfortable in a confined space, tired parents who had no will to fight anymore. If you were concerned about the kid, did you ask if you could help in any way?

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Oh gosh A2- flying w my kid in April when he will be 18 months old. So nervous already!

I mean, sometimes when my kid is overwhelmed, overtired and melting down leaving her alone gets her to calm down faster. Playing, talking, holding, rocking, walking, shushing, etc is all stimulating to her and just elongates the meltdown. If I leave her be, she’ll probably calm down and fall asleep faster. This has never happened to me on a plane before, but I can see how it could happen. Sorry that other people were disturbed, but me trying to wrangle a temper tantrum 18 month old up and down the aisles is going to be disturbing, too. Also, talking loudly doesn’t count as bad behavior for a toddler. They don’t get talking quietly and you can’t force them to. Sometimes just letting them be is the fastest route to peace. 🤷🏼‍♀️ all you can do is smile, tell me my kid is cute, and don’t give me dirty looks. If you want to offer to help, cool. If not, that’s fine too. Just don’t assume I’m a shit parent because my kid isn’t behaving like an angel. They’re not behaving badly intentionally- it’s more likely they’re overwhelmed, overtired, overstimulated and this is their coping mechanism.

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Exactly

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In general though, the apathy towards parents traveling with kids on fishbowl amazes me.
Short of drugging them to sleep, there’s no way of predicting how a baby/toddler is going to behave during a flight. And the last thing on an exhausted parent’s mind is keeping up appearances.
Let’s just try to be a bit kinder, shall we?

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Child could have been on the spectrum. We don’t know what they were dealing with.

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Also totally fair.

Nah. I’d be cuddling at that point and very self conscious about the noise, trying to take them for a walk etc.

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I like to think I’d be doing the same🤷🏻‍♀️

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I would be less concerned with other people and more concerned that my child was in pain and trying to tend to that. Seems weird they would ignore it, at least for that long.

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Gotcha that’s helpful. Unfortunately the noise canceling headphones were very little help vs the screeching🙃

My 2.5 year old started crying this morning because I didn't want to put a ring lol (I'm pregnant, they don't even fit these days..) anyway, I ignored her. Took 30 seconds for her to get over it and move on... I try not to judge but crying for hours is definitely not normal, probably pressure in their ears or they otherwise weren't feeling well, not sure what those parents were thinking ignoring the baby for the whole flight. I wouldn't even care about the impact on others but would be really concerned for my kid.

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Maybe the parents and baby were all exhausted, sleep deprived etc who knows what they maybe going through.

Last flight we took, our baby was crying so much and nothing we did seemed to console baby. But the guy seating in front of us was so sweet he kept empathizing with us and asking us if he could help in anyway, the flight attendant was empathetic too and brought ice in a cup to see if that would distract baby.

Baby eventually slept. Trust me there’s no one more embarrassed and frustrated than a Mom /Dad on a plane with a screaming baby. Sometimes offering a helping hand goes a long way. Hope this is helpful.

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Makes sense - you also said you were consoling which this couple did not do. I’m glad you had a seat buddy and flight attendant. I didn’t see anyone offer to help this family which is sad but I also sensed all the people around us were kinda like - why aren’t you trying to quiet your kid? Not saying that’s right, it’s just what happened.

You never know. Maybe the child is like that or had a problem that day. It’s hard to judge.

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Fair. I just felt like they could’ve made SOME visible effort given their child was disturbing the several rows surrounding them when everyone was trying to sleep.

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Please tell me you’re not in this bowl just to ask this question... there are so many posts like this in the general consulting bowl and I’m so tired of having to defend ourselves for having a kid. Glad to see there were others who kept their cool and bothered with explaining.

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Gotcha. I skimmed the thread for additional info but missed that. There’s no function to display comments in chronological order (only reverse chronological) so it’s easy to miss anything added in the comments, especially if one’s late to the thread and wasn’t watching it unfold live.

6 hrs of crying is not normal, especially at 18 month when colic (or Period of PURPLE crying) should no longer be an issue.

1.5 hrs though when you’re dealing with a sick / teething / sleep training etc baby / toddler is unfortunately the nightmarish reality of being a parent sometimes.

...the couple barely did anything to try and soothe or quiet their child. They pretty much just ignored hours of loud noises. Again I get that you can’t control kids, especially that young. But I’m wondering whether y’all think that’s normal- for the parents to seemingly not even try to calm child down. Truly looking to learn here🙏🏻

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Been there.
It would be great if OP can describe what 'visible' efforts you were looking for, so as a mother with a difficult child I can be more 'visibly' considering next time.

... Alright, end of vent. As most of other moms have said above, it would be hard to believe the parents really did 'nothing' to soothe the baby. For 18 months, i would assume the baby was not sitting in a separate seat but rather on parent's lap? So the parent was physically holding him? Trust me, that already constitutes 'effort to sooth'. Walking does not work for most of 18 months already, and bumping them while humming 'huh huh huh' can be equally annoying as compared to baby crying, especially when it doesn't work at the most of time.
That being said, I do agree the only thing parents with difficult child can do is to avoid taking the flight. I am not justifying that the passengers should just tolerate the noise - i totally agree they are harmful mentally and physically, but just that it is mostly not because parents didn't do anything.

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Nope SM1, was truly looking for insight. I’m not sure why you assume an attitude - I clearly answered and responded to A1’s questions and assumptions above. Also not sure what benefit you gain by accusing me of having an attitude here. I appreciate all of the insights that mothers took the time to share.

I would have died from embarrassment but then again I know what the baseline of my children’s behaviours are. We don’t know for the child in question

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Yes, I agree with the comments here that it’s not fair to judge other parents, even if it looks like they’re “ignoring” or “being lazy.” I would assume that if you’d been able to have a conversation with them, you’d completely understand how they were acting.

Sure. They did not seem receptive to conversation and I didn’t feel it was my place. I had nothing to offer here, especially as a non-parent who knowingly can’t relate to what they must’ve been experiencing.

This reminds me of an episode that was essentially the opposite - parents in their child’s face the entire flight trying to entertain them when the kid probably would have slept.

If I had to guess, they were not engaging with the kid in hopes that he’d fall asleep. That’s a common tactic whether in air or on land. Essentially closing the door and leaving the room. If you reengage; the whole settling to sleep process begins again.

Still over the course of 6 hours I probably would have abandoned that plan at some point.

Also I’ve heard of children having adverse reactions if you dose them with Benadryl to make them sleep, some kids get hyper instead. Maybe that’s what happened?

Or they could just be crappy parents or too mentally exhausted and checked out. People who are lousy parents on land are probably so in the air too.

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