Looking for some guidance here and feeling incredibly lost. My husband is a high functioning alcoholic. He’s a “fun drunk” and never violent, but it’s clear he’s fighting an addiction demon. We have a newborn and I have all these new emotions now because it’s no longer about the two us any more. I’d do anything to shield and protect her. Outside of AA, has anyone had success with other avenues of help or suggestions on how I can support him in this journey?

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Find yourself an Alanon meeting, most will let you take a newborn in with you.

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I'm in the same boat, my husband has always had a drinking problem and I had raised it to him before the baby about how I was uncomfortable with him drinking alone or hiding his drinking. There was one time when she was about 4mo that he was looking after her when I ran an errand and when I came back he had been drinking and it broke my heart.

What worked for us was a really direct and compassionate talk - I told him I had noticed he was drinking a lot and that he seemed to be using it as a coping mechanism and that it was making me deeply uncomfortable, and while it was something that was a worry when it was just the two of us, it was so many kinds of not ok with the baby, *especially* when he was taking care of her. I told him I would help and support him with whatever he needed to work through it, but also that he couldn't ever be drinking while taking care of her again. We found him a therapist that had experience with alcohol addiction and the other things that were bothering him (he's got a lot of religious trauma) and he's been working through it.

He still slips sometimes, and I try and remark on it without making a big deal (just like "Hey, have you been drinking? Is there any stuff you want to talk about") and just keep accountability without pressure.

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Al Anon is a great place to start (Al Anon is for family whereas AA is for the person with the addiction). Sending you love and hoping that your family can overcome this.

The only advice I have outside of that is: you can’t expect someone to change if they don’t want to. If they don’t want to change it is not a reflection on you, but on them. Don’t ever put yourself or your baby for someone that doesn’t want to change.

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