{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Looking for some honest advice here. 26M Newly engaged, getting married at the end of the year. I have more savings/investments then my fiancé. Prenup was brought up and has really caused major anxiety for her and seems extremely unhappy. It protects both of us but clearly she thinks it just protects me and I’m out to get her. Can I have some advice here?", "post_id": "61dcd924fef4710034b6af1f", "reply_count": 180, "vote_count": 11, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Looking for some honest advice here. 26M Newly engaged, getting married at the end of the year. I have more savings/investments then my fiancé. Prenup was brought up and has really caused major anxiety for her and seems extremely unhappy. It protects both of us but clearly she thinks it just protects me and I’m out to get her. Can I have some advice here?

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Camp prenup here.

Bottom line is you can decide what the terms are. If you want everything to be 50/50 once you’re married, you can. You want an infidelity clause? Go for it. You want to protect your parents’ hard earned money from potentially getting split during a messy divorce? Ditto.

People hear prenup and automatically assume one person doesn’t want to give the other anything, but that’s not the case. It just lets you set the terms.

And honestly, think of worst case scenario divorce situation (I’m a doomsday thinker by nature) — while you might be “together forever” mindset now, the reality is, say the marriage ends with infidelity or something really bad and you are crushed? Hopefully not, but unfortunately as seen on FB it happens A LOT. Emotions will be HIGH and I guarantee you neither side is going to be thinking with a straight and clear head. Better to have this all set out beforehand and BEST case you never really have to worry about it because you do end up ~together forever~ and use that money together.

ALSO, you can do escalation clauses (different terms at different anniversary marks) or literally change the whole damn thing once you’re married. Get creative 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don’t understand why people are so afraid of prenups it’s just like any other agreement it’s just that movies have made people come to think they’re somehow bad.


Unclear on my part, I meant if there is family money, there is often pressure from the family/strings attached to the money, therefore you can blame it on them.

I got divorced in California about 5 years ago (no fault, community property). The law there says that you only split the "joint" assets, which was everything acquired AFTER the date of the marriage. If you can prove that certain assets were yours before you got married and then you never intermingled those assets or the gains/interest from those assets with your joint funds, then I think you have the right to claim in a divorce that those assets are your separate property and not joint, and thereby shouldn't be split.

So in that case, maybe you don't need a prenup. But I'm not an attorney and the way property is split depends very much on the laws of your state.

Regardless of whether you get a prenup or not, you should DEFINITELY make copies of all bank/brokerage/asset statements the day before you get married and hold onto those FOREVER (or until you are divorced). And be very cautious about moving money from formerly single-owner accounts into a joint account -- if you do that, it's possible to argue that

Alot of people here seem to be pretty ignorant about how divorce works. It's not like you have to split everything you ever owned on the date of the divorce.

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Honest advice … 26 is too young to get married.


I can’t actually picture starting a family in my late thirties, especially with how long kids are taking to move out now, with housing being so unaffordable everywhere. I would at some point like to be an empty nester.

It makes it seem like you plan on getting a divorce and you care more about your assets than you do your relationship. Probably not your intention but that’s how it feels. My family is 100X more wealthy than my husband but I didn’t get a prenup because I’m in this 100% and it’s all OUR money once we’re married


LEX DIG: Do you ever buy insurance?

Premarital assets are not at risk if you don't comingle them after marriage. Ok, get formal legal advice 😉

That being said, I can provide 2 million reasons why you should get a prenup 🤣


Can we not reignite this thread again 😩

Don’t marry her until you guys discuss this. Go to couples counseling if needed


Had to scroll way too far for this. Don’t get married before seeing a marriage counselor. Y’all should be talking finances, children, etc before even getting engaged.

Either way, get a third party to help sort this out. Will help your fiance get clarity on what’s driving her anxiety about this.

If you don’t have your own prenup, you’re just letting the state define it for you instead of deciding what’s best for both of your upfront. Maybe that’ll be helpful framing for her.


Marriage is a legal contract. People should absolutely define what that contract looks like and what happens in the event they decide/realize they’re better apart. People don’t explicitly promise not to get divorced in their vows, they’re generally promising to love through sickness and in health until they die. You can love and support someone and realize you’re both better off not legally bound to each other.


I love first world problems 😂


Aren’t they the best 😂


I always find the idea of prenup to be odd. Maybe it is my immigrant upbringing where I do not see prenups often until I came to America. But to me… You’re willing to commit to someone for the rest of your life, live with them, have kids with them, share your heart and life with them, but want to “protect” yourselves from them.

I went thru a divorce, and honestly, at the end of it, I didn’t care what he got vs me. But to be fair, we didn’t have much to really fight over 😂 but this was someone who I loved and cherished for a decade, had a child with, and “grew up” with. Maybe it’s just me but I rather not marry than to go through prenup. We are all in or not at all for me.


That stat is not true, it’s was as high as high 40s in the late 70s early 80s at it’s worse but lots of commit phobes like to throw that number around for the last 40 years

Tbh I wouldn’t sign a prenup if the man I’m marrying makes more than me and I predict he may become more successful than me. Would still love and hope to be with him till death do us part.


Yep as EM1 said, if you expect your partner to BECOME successful while married, you benefit still even with a prenup. I came into my marriage at $0 having just paid off my student loans and partner came in at net worth ~$200k -- we have a prenup but have both been making great money since we got married so not having access to his $200k doesn't impact me at all.


It’s somethin’ that you need to have
‘Cause when she leave yo’ ass, she gon’ leave with half


What do you have.. is that necessary


Basically. If the current difference in assets is not too crazy from where you would expect it in 5 years, then this may not matter too much.


I would guess that most of the people here with more life experience - those of us with gray hair - are more likely to be Team Prenup than not. That is because we have either been divorced ourselves or watched other marriages combust in spectacular fashion despite all the earlier well-intended, genuine pledges of “in it for life”.

I’m married myself for 22 years, but boy, I have seen some awful - and I mean AWFUL - divorces, and none of them were people who didn’t genuinely love each other and have every intention to be together for the rest of their lives when they got married. But nonetheless, there they were ten or thirteen or eighteen years later, cheating, hiding money in secret accounts, gambling life savings away, only communicating through lawyers, burning a vintage VW Thing in the driveway, fighting over the dog for six months in court, and/or refusing to pay any child support at all to punish their spouse. All things I have personally seen happen in friends’ or family members’ divorces.

Getting a prenup can be a friendly, protective process for everyone if both parties go into it with the right mindset. If everyone looks at it as only something intended to ensure everyone is taken care of fairly in the worst case scenario with no intention for that EVER to happen, it should actually feel reassuring.

One other point I saw written once that I thought was smart: if you don’t draft your own prenup with the terms you like, your state will happily enforce one for you that you didn’t write. *No one* doesn’t have a prenup.


There's a divorced person on this thread that dosen't get it either. Its about a difference in perspective, not experience

It just protects you both, and ALWAYS get a prenup. Tell her if she hits a lotto tomorrow it’s all hers :)


Wise, I've seen so many retirement accounts gutted by a QDRO.

Don’t marry someone you need protection from. I married a lawyer and we ended up ditching the prenup. Also, unless you both have separate counsel, it’s extremely unlikely that your prenup will hold up in court.


Again, same issue. Both parties need counsel. Also, don’t download contracts off the internet


Lol “looking for honest advice” but *only looks to confirm what they’ve already concluded on*


Correct me if I’m wrong… but isn’t your pre-marital assets yours regardless… and only your marital assets are yours to divide in case divorce. Keep your savings/investments in a separate account with only your name or put it in a trust 🤷‍♀️.


Inheritance is not considered a gain after marriage


People concerned with a prenup are 🚩


Can you explain how it protects both of you? Are you willing to pay for her lawyer to negotiate it with your lawyer? If not, then you don’t need one.


D3 have you ever worked on a bank deal? Who do you think pays for the bank’s counsel? You always know that they represent the bank even though you are paying them. Obviously there is a power difference. The op has so many assets that he believes he needs a prenup. That is a difference in power.

EY1–I think the whole of this discussion is that the op is 26. Not sure your later in life marriage is comparable


How substantial can your assets be at 26 for this to really matter in the long run? Do you make a lot more and feel like you should protect your earrings too? Prenups are weird to me because I grew up in a different country. America certainly taught me to look after myself. I thought about this and what I would do in this case. I think I would sign it with no problems but would always wonder if my SO thinks I’m just in it for the money. Like someone said above, unless we are talking millions I think it might be a petty move.


That’s my first thought. I know y’all ain’t going to an attorney for prenup with negative net worth 🥴🥴🥴🥴

If you love someone more than your money, you shouldn’t get married.

Only reason you should consider a prenup is if you’re a millionaire engaged to a cashier at McDonald’s who realized they struck gold.


This is the farthest thing from the truth.


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