Male POC here. This may be a personality thing but I’ve had a hard time being myself/collegial with people of authority at work. Outside of work I’m social and outgoing and by no means am I a shy or quiet person even at work so I’ve been able to with those who initiate it or reciprocate, but not often. I feel like maybe my “formality” makes them less likely to act openly with me. Anyone else face this and how do you overcome it?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

It’s like I wrote this post. I feel the exact same way. I feel shy and quiet with my colleagues, especially the older partners - but that’s not me around friends. For me, I think it’s a little anxiety (wanted to be perfect and fear of being judged by my superiors) and not really being able to relate to them. They are all older white males. Although they are all nice attorneys to work with/for, we just don’t have much in common other than enjoying booze. I stopped caring to become buddy buddy with them and now I just let things progress organically. The only thing worst than coming off as quiet/shy, is trying too hard. Best of luck with your situation and what region are you from? I’m in NYC.

like

THIS x 1000 I feel the same way… I may come off as shy or cold… but I was taught to respect my elders (authority figures), and it’s hard to change old habits.

like

And also I don’t think it’s all on us. The partners don’t make it easier to be comfortable and, frankly, some partners are awkward around me too. Sometimes I feel like they (usually white male) have never met (or don’t know what to do around) a young Asian female.

like

Thanks good to know I’m not alone and your description is spot on for me too. I’m in Virginia working for a boutique firm but about to give notice and lateraling to an NYC firm (remotely)

like

Related Posts

Hey Copywriters, Have you partnered with that guy who’s fun, open and collaborative one day, but then the next day he overthinks every word and the strategy so much you can’t get anything done?

A guy who used to be on my team resigned a few weeks ago for another opportunity. I ran into his new boss socially and told them I was really impressed with how this guy was handling the drug bust and battling his heroine addiction during this career change. It shows real grit. That’s what wishing the best for others looks like.

funnylike

Has anyone else had a mentor (assigned to them by the Company) who seemed to have it out for you? I mean downright sabotage to make you look bad left and right. I didn’t realize it at first. She was fake friendly, but she was discrete too. Some of the executives thought she was amazing, but I had to clean up her work all the time. She wasn’t above me either on the chain of command. Later I found out she had tried for the exec assistant role and they didn’t choose her, they wanted me instead.

like

How common is it to have a client text you on your personal number with question on a Friday night /weekend?

like

What to do if your TL/Manager frowns upon you for taking leaves for family functions?

like

My coworker always takes a super long lunch. How does he have the time to get anything done?

like

I’m feeling very sad. I just learned that the partner in my previous firm got fired. I considered him my mentor. He took me under his wing. He was my Don Draper and I was his Peggy Olson. I’m really bummed about this, heartbroken and worried. Nobody knows why. The ex-colleague said everything was normal, they sent him emails but bounced back. Nobody saw it coming. 😢

like

How do you deal with a CEO/founder who is an amazing visionary but a creative at heart who wants to do 47 ideas at once (and doesn't do well with no)?

like

How do you “get-over” dealing with difficult clients without wanting to just give up? Need a better mantra than “fuck it.”

like

Which Partner should you give your notice to at B4? Do you start with the highest, like region sub service line leader or just the highest you have a good relationship with, like a local or area partner? Not sure if any Partners would be offended that you didn’t tell them “first” even if you talked to them in the same day or so.

like

Any thoughts on how do we deal with an incompetent boss who you dont look up to and have no trust that you would ever get credit for the work you would do for him/her? Given that changing the boss is not an option.

like

I need some help and advice! I have a new intern from Europe and he is related to higher ups! He is very dismissive and overlooks anything I say, arguing thy he doesn’t agree with what I’m asking him to do! Completely closed to learning! He goes behind my back, lying and throwing me under the bus! What should I do? I’m completely lost, since this is the first time I have someone this rude at work! What should I do?

I'm having some trouble with my manager.

He's always asking me to work late, but when I do, he doesn't give me any credit for it.

I feel like he only cares about the results, not how much effort I put in. Should I say something to him?

like

Is it normal for people in our profession to be so closely monitored by management, or is that just a thing at my workplace? Feels kinda suffocating…

like

Saw a group of people leaving another office building at my client walking out together...dressed poorly, poorly fitting clothes, and crappy nylon briefcases and backpacks. Must be #auditorproud

like

I’m a firm believer that a manager should develop a positive relationship with employees, but I don’t want that to be an invitation to disrespect my authority. How do you know where to draw the line to make this distinction clear?

like

Fellow plus size consultants... Where do you shop for trendy work attire? I have lost a lot of weight and currently wear a size 18. Any suggestions on cute business attire for a 29 year old?

like

If I’m planning to resign on Jan 10, but won’t be back from PTO before 1/10 should I email my partner and manager on the project the week before to let them know?

likehelpful

I had a crush with someone I worked with from another bank back in the early 2007’s. We would always low key flirt back then. I just bumped into him at my current job, same floor.. Serendipity?? 💕

likeuplifting

I’m current a second year associate at big 4 and so is my girlfriend (but diff firm). If she were to leave and accept a job at my client in an internal controls position, would I need to disclose this to my team? It sounds like ethically yes but on paper in the guidelines, it says as long as we’re not married we aren’t obligated to. Don’t live with her or have kids or anything. Just a long time girlfriend, and we’re both at the staff level

like

More Posts

Anyone have experience in big tech business development? Looking at AWS particularly. I know it’s different than sales, but coming from strategy, would it be interesting? Is the comp good?

like

Hi,

Is it mandatory to join TCS after attending prejoining webex call? I have got another offer!

likefunny

Please friend where can I get nice affordable apartments here

like

Bit of a crazy night.

Post Photo
like

If you had the opportunity, would you join Houlihan Lokey as an analyst (TAS/FDD) or stay at B4 (audit)?

like

What is the notice period for probation period employees??

No documented injuries from service (got out in 2013) but I have trouble with my knees, back, and tinnitus.. how hard is it gonna be for me to get rated? Tips and advice?

like

What are we watching on Netflix these days?

like

Anyone else a little overwhelmed by the random-ish places for getting new coins? I thought I was advanced when I shifted toward binance and kucoin a while ago to access more coins than what was available on coinbase. But nowadays, getting coins means signing up and paying fees for metamask or one of a dozen places named [something]swap....

like

How impressive is it that science exists literally everywhere around us?

like

Hi everyone! Can anyone provide me with their guidance on preparation for ACAMS? Thanks!

like

Hi All,

I have 4 years of experience as a Salesforce developer.
Can anyone suggest good product based company for Salesforce developer.
I have extensive development experience on apex,Aura,integration. After after spending 3 years in service based companies, learning is very low pace now. So wanted to switch to a product based company.
Attend one interview in sirionlabs and got offered but not sure how it is.

like

WPP consolidated Sudler into VMLY&R. New name is now VMLY&Rx. I actually think that’s pretty clever!

likefunny

Hi
Any opportunities in Automation testing selenium java+Manual testing having 3.8years of experience,
currently serving notice period.
Loc: Bangalore India

like

I joined in April. When will be next salary increment ??

like

How would you structure your answer to the interview question: “What will you contribute to the class/community?”

like

Does rescheduling your interview have a negative impact on your application?

like

A colleague/friend invited me to spend thanksgiving with his family. It was a wonderful trip and I’m so thankful for the kindness! Any ideas for good thank you gifts, for him and for his mama?

like

What are your favourite free SEO (technical and/onpage) courses or certificates?

like

I have never had a cat who likes to sit in front of the fireplace and just watch the fire. Is this something common?

Post Photo
likeuplifting

Additional Posts in Attorneys of Color

I am so tired of bending over backwards to prove my worth while simultaneously apologizing for my existence in these big law and corporate spaces, as if I didn't work three times as hard as my white peers to get here and I don't deserve to be where I am. Where are the firms like the one Molly lateraled to on Insecure? 😩

like

Can anybody recommend an attorney who reviews Shareholder Agreements/Restricted Stock Awards for employees? I have a friend who has received one and needs guidance.

like

For those who were once in Big Law, how long did you stay in Big Law? What prompted you to leave? For those still there, how long have you been there? I am wondering how common my tenure is (staying less than 3 years)

like

Did the post about "straight Asian men" get deleted? Left the room to make popcorn and returned to find it gone.

funnylikehelpful

Anyone know any POC resume writers?

like

What is your stylish go to shoe for work?

like

To Follow up on the other Post about the recent SCOTUS decision on Abortions, For people that are against abortions, do you feel like it’s your responsibility to help take care of the unwanted children?

If so, what does that look like for you? Adopting children, Donating to charities, paying more in taxes to help social services, etc

like

Anyone is Salt Lake City? 😬

like

Is anyone part of national bar association? Do you see any tangible benefits to memebership?

like

Today is the first day of the new work week! What are your goals for this week?

like

How to switch practice areas? I’ve been in immigration for 3 years now and need a change. How do you convince employers you’re a good fit for a role you don’t have any experience with?

like

Best/worst cities to practice in? I'll go first - Best: DC, Worst: Miami

like

Does any other attorney POC feel like they have to live double lives? I’m guilty of trying to “blend in” with my white team members. I wish I could be myself (at least to an extent) and not fake it.

like

I'm in a group where I get great reviews each year and earn praise from clients, but partners don't invest much in me or let me work on the "good" deals (I always get the scraps). I'm also the only black attorney in my group, which may or may not be relevant. I doubt I have a chance of making equity partner, though I also don't want to. If you were me, would you go to a competitor just to stick it to people here? Or mail it in, shoot for a NEP/counsel-type gig, collect paychecks, and coast?

like

Did not expect to find a bunch of Clarence Thomases in this bowl this past weekend.

Remember your roots. You’re a minority, and are privileged to be in this field. You are not divine, or a genius, you got lucky. Civil rights giants paved the way for you to step foot in law school. Respect them by lifting your community, and improving our quality of life.

There is plenty of space for all of us, and we are stronger together. Have some empathy for your kin and leave your bigotry at the door.

likesmart

I saw that Orrick had an Attorney's of Color retreat in New York. Does anyone work there who can speak on how it was? If not, is there a retreat/coalition/group for Attorney's of Color at your firm?

like

Today, I had an OC call me on the phone, mispronounce my name, and after I corrected him, tell me that I should be used to ppl mispronouncing my name 🤦🏾‍♂️
Old white men are the WORST! And unfortunately, litigation is full of them.

like

Anyone know what the salary range for a 4-5th year is for litigation boutiques (20-40 attorneys) in downtown Los Angeles? TIA 🙏🏼

like

Trump signed a law in 2018 making the removal of classified documents a felony. Sounds like a full circle karma to me.

likeuplifting