{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Married 🐠 - what qualities did you see you in your man that helped you decide that he was the ONE! And how important were looks & physical chemistry?", "post_id": "5faa46171846490022d0d7b9", "reply_count": 30, "vote_count": 16, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Married 🐠 - what qualities did you see you in your man that helped you decide that he was the ONE! And how important were looks & physical chemistry?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Looks were obviously part of the equation, especially at the beginning, but far from everything. The best advice I can give is to marry someone who shares your values both more practically (kids? Yes, no, how many? How do we deal w crazy family members? Shared finances?) and more abstractly (how do we view the world, how do we approach conflict, how do we think of work etc). Have those conversations early on. For me it was his answers to those things that really showed me he was my partner for life, as we either agreed on them or the ones where we had slightly differing views complemented each other beautifully. My husband and I got married young and we both knew we were in it for life. With that came an understanding that we were gonna change throughout our marriage. An early indication that he was “the one” was that as I was working through some past family trauma and as I was growing into the person I am now, he did not judge or get impatient with me, he did not try to “fix” the situation, he was just there for me, a rock to lean on. Obviously, I did the same for him in similar situations. Best of luck!

like

Not married but I do have a bf and we’ve had serious convos about commitment. I see myself walking down the aisle with him despite having gone through a previous divorce because I took my really hard lessons learned in my last relationship, used it to soul search, and in my current relationship, look for guys who fit what I need. We’ve only been together 8 months but we’ve had a lot of challenges with his ex showing up in the picture and causing unnecessary drama. We’ve talked through the practical items that break a lot of marriages or at least make it challenging - finances, lifestyle, children, religion, political beliefs. In the times we’ve had issues we’ve used that and we’re open with each other. We talked through our issues until we could reach a solution that we both agree with. I feel and treat him as an equal partner. This was the first guy I’ve dated that has woken me up to breakfast prepared and has done so many thoughtful things for me. I know he’s the one and that we’ll hopefully get married (there’s a strong indication from both our ends) because we’ve learned how to be flexible and communicate. It’s a key skill and we’ve developed a strong foundation to grow together. It’s both an emotional and practical way I’ve seen it to feel if a guy is the right one for me.

like
Recent IconRecent

As someone who has been divorced I learned what NOT to do! Lol. After years of healing I have realized that you truly can’t find the right person for you until you are the right person for yourself. What I mean is, people who haven’t figured out who they are or their authentic self or haven’t gotten past the insecurities holding them back from being their authentic selves are not ready yet to be in a committed relationship. I mean, you can, but psychologically speaking you’ll just play out your unconscious desires on your partner (ie a fear of being abandoned could play out by you being extra needy). Just make sure you know who you are and who you want to be and that you aren’t in a relationship that makes you feel like you’re not good enough. Be with someone who brings out the person you want yourself to be.

likehelpful

I wish someone gave me that advice before I got married.

For me I had all these qualities I wanted, but to be honest it was all about chemistry, something just clicked. And he didn’t have any of my deal breakers - I think the main thing that attracted me to him was the fact that he challenged me mentally and there was a powerful physical attraction. That evolved over time (we’ve been together 12 years now), I think that’s the hard part, evolving together, finding common ground without loosing sight of you as a separate being, and nurturing that love so that when the tough times come (there will be tough times), your desire to work on it and remain together will be there.

likeuplifting

Great to hear! And very well said!! 👏🏼

It’s always weird when people are like how’d you know they were the one? If you have to question that then perhaps you’re overthinking this or they aren’t you happily ever after. To answer - I’ve always found my husband fine as h*ck. The Amazon stork dropped him off just for me. We were made for eachother. He asked my father for my hand in 3 months. Engaged by month 4.

likefunnyhelpful

That’s great, really happy for you D1! But don’t think that can be everyone’s experience. Saying something like “if you are questioning it, then he is not the one” is really not helpful, as not everyone gets married after 3 months :) for me personally - it was absolutely natural to question it. How did I know? He makes me a better person, he is my rock and I feel comfortable to be my full self with him. Everyone is different - so decide based on what matters to you, OP!! 💕🎊

likeuplifting

These are amazing stories and it gives me hope. But this post called me single in 100 different ways 🤣

likefunny

To be honest, for our first few dates I wasn’t super attracted to my now husband. But he was always just so nice and 100% in. And we had great conversations. And now I think he’s the cutest thing ever. For me, I knew I wanted to marry him when I didn’t want him to leave. I never had wanted to share my space with anyone. I had never really lived with anyone. So when I actually wanted to live with him, I knew it was right.

like

I think a lot of the themes in these responses reinforce that “the one” is less of a romcom lightbulb moment and more of a slow burn. I’m getting married next year and we knew we were ready to marry because it just felt right. It was such an easy decision, but there was no “moment” if that makes sense.

like

I dated a lot of jerks, and when I met my husband, I knew very early on that he was “the one.” I knew because he made me laugh, was really considerate, smart and confident in who he was without being arrogant. We also share most of the same values and come from similar backgrounds, which helps. I’m so grateful for him and couldn’t imagine COVID quarantine without him. It’s brought us closer together. He’s also a handsome guy, which definitely drew me to him in the first place even though I never expected to marry someone who’s a smidge shorter than I am 🤣! All of his good qualities far outweighed his height to the point it didn’t matter.

like

First time we kissed I knew I’d marry him. Tons of fireworks and just a different feeling. Sounds cheesy but I just felt it. He is very cute, obviously! And we ended up having sex that night as well so lots of chemistry! It was a few months after we met in college working at the same shoe store together. We’ve been married 8 years now! He’s kind, funny, supportive of my career goals, so caring. I remember we got into a tiff over text once and he walked over to my house to talk about it in person, just showed up at my door. Another time, I had an internship in a different city and his car broke down but instead of not coming he found a BUS and took it four hours to see me for the weekend.

likeuplifting

Thank you for sharing your beautiful stories! I loved reading these. I’ve recently met someone who clicks with me on so many levels and is miles ahead of anyone else I’ve dated, but I’ve been uncertain because although he’s undoubtedly handsome, my physical attraction/desire hasn’t been quite as strong. Sometimes I wonder, does this mean we aren’t right for each other? Should I keep looking? These stories are making me more determined to set aside my ego and stop overthinking the superficial stuff

like

Are you me? In the same boat here and reading everyone’s responses is giving me amazing perspectives. I appreciate all you ladies sharing your stories!

like

Used to ask others this question and never got a good answer. Now with someone i feel like is the ONE and I don’t think it was a single moment that did it. It was a series of things he does like show genuine concern for me/ my day, being a cheerleader as I think about next steps in my career and sharing the household chores. It can be as much a logical process as it is an emotional one. You know when you feel good around this person, trust him to be there through thick and thin and ultimately he brings out the best parts of you too.

like

One our first date we talked for 4 hours and shut down the restaurant. I was going through some shit but he was 100% supportive right off the bat and willing to let me take my time while he made it clear he was in it for the long haul. This was something I wasn’t used to seeing in a man so I distanced myself a bit then realized he’s actually just the most solid guy ever with the best of intentions, only wanting the best for me and to be with me. Plus I’ve always thought he was super handsome 😍

likeuplifting

When my fiancé became my absolute best friend I knew he was the one.

like

My husband and I went to high school together. Have never dated anyone else other than him, so you can say that I knew it from our first date! We work like a well-oiled machine, supporting each other when we are stressed, low or just plain bored. So amazingly lucky to have found a best friend, partner, philosopher, guide all in one!

like

I found him hot, super smart, sophisticated, and charming - with great manners, which I didn’t realize I found attractive until him. And I knew because being around him was just... easy. We had fun, no games or drama, he said what he meant. He has more integrity than anyone I’ve ever known. While we are super different, we have the same values when it comes to thinks like money, our relationship, honesty, respect (the things people fight over). Been together over 12 years now - and he is the best decision I have ever made, and the best thing to ever happen to me.

like

Being with my now-husband was shockingly easy (from traveling to ordering food to spending time with difficult family members) compared to anyone I’d previously dated. He also never played games and was 100% all in on our partnership. That helped me feel completely vulnerable and open with him from early on - emotionally, sexually, etc. 6 years together and I’ve never looked back!

likehelpful

Mine happened quickly, but it was strange. He was my best friend, accepted everything about me in a way that no one else did. And then... we grew together. We were young and in the middle of big life changes. After 3 weeks of dating and then about a year of living in different cities, we decided to work through everything together. That to me was the big difference. A conscious decision to work through our issues by being very transparent with each other. My husband is very attractive, not always the hottest man in the room, but he’s always attractive to me and we know how to grow together through anything. That was it for us.

like

This!! Another big indication to me was when I realized that we dealt with issues (internal or external) as a team. It’s not an I think this and he thinks that, it’s a there’s a problem and together we have to figure out how to solve it in the way that best meets the needs of our team.

like

My husband was the opposite physically of what I’d dated before or what I thought I wanted. But there was no arguing that he was super super attractive and I was really drawn to him at social events. Once I got to know him I found out he was the kindest, sweetest, and smartest man I’d ever met. Pair that with some amazing chemistry and physical passion and boom - I knew I wanted to marry him

like

My husband is smart, handsome, well educated, well traveled, he makes me laugh, and we have similar opinions, which makes it easy for us to get along. What made him so different than anyone I had ever dated though, was he always wanted to take care of me - do anything he could to make my life easier said better. I had dated guys before who were only like that in the beginning or only when it was convenient, so I was a little suspicious that it would be the same with him. A few years later now, I know he really is different because every day he still does everything he can to make me happy and to help me.

like

Additional Posts

How does this sound?

like

Fhhbbbbjjnnnnnnsn dnnsndjjjd dhjhdjjdjdjdjnd dhjhdjjdjdjdjnd djjfjdjjdndndnnfnd dhjhdjjdjdjdjnd dhjhdjjdjdjdjnd djjfjdjjdndndnnfnd djjfjdjjdndndnnfnd now djjfjdjjdndndnnfnd do. D dndnnfndnnsdhjdjdjdjnd

like

Post for tests 2

like

Not crashing anymore.

like

How great would office emojis be in this app?

like

Yeah you're right. It cuts after two lines instead of expanding.

like

Post for likes

like

Kinda heavy for a Saturday morning but listening to my dad, aunt, and uncle talking about how to prepare for my grandma's passing got me thinking about my life. I feel like I've been wandering (cont)

like

Has anyone left consulting to get an MBA and returned? In retrospect, would you still get the MBA?

like

Coronavirus is starting to slow/shut down massive supply chains, how are you prepped for the client conversation tomorrow/soon? March 1 is tenative date for all factories reopened in china

like

Accenture 🐠: how helpful do you think was Consulting University? What do you think about it? Going in July and curious as to how people feel.

like

my favorite part of traveling for work is being able to order dessert at fancy restaurants

likefunny

Anyone heard of IBB consulting? Worth going to?

like

Does Deloitte have a standalone analytics practice (e.g. like how Deloitte Digital is standalone)?

like

Hey Fishes - Is it OK to mention name of the clients that I have worked at on my resume as I plan to step out of Strategy Consulting soon? No details but names...just curious if this is allowed or not

likehelpful

How hard is it to get into m&a how hard is the work? Always been good at math so I actually don’t mind the repetitive work. Finance degree but have been doing software implementation digital type cons

like

I have a introduction call with my partner. Any particular questions I should ask?

like

PwC 🐟, CRT is on its way, question for SAs, when you were promoted from A to SA, how many “at next level” you got at each dimension in your snapshot (out of how many snapshots in total)? Thx

like

What’s your most replied post?

likesmartfunny

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal