Men in this bowl - do you get positive feedback that you are empathetic? I get this all the time as a female and feel like it's a bit of a gender-ed comment. We should all be empathetic but it's not something that makes us excel in our jobs... unless we are a female

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I do but that's because I'm empathetic

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Then yes, I also get other feedback more directly tied to my main contributions, empathy feedback is just seasoning at the end

I get negative feedback because my straight forwardness gets perceived as being not nice. Although it all depends on where the team primarily comes from. I don’t get as much feedback from east coast teams as other regions.

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By east coast do you mean Northeast or southeast too?

Empathy is absolutely what makes us excel esp at higher levels, why is it not?

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I actually got a negative feedback regarding that 6 months ago from a female manager.

Apart from when I bring up the topic, no one seems to have noticed

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Not so much in work context, but I feel that I’ve gotten the opposite. I’ve gotten over the top praise from colleagues when I’ve talked about caretaking for my SO post surgery with comments that essentially indicated that just by taking care of her, I was amazing.

I can bet they never said things like that to their women colleagues. I see similar comments when it comes to fatherhood too. Tired of men being automatically viewed as absent and distant when it comes to being involved in a household

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What I'm trying to say is: Men don't often get feedback that "they are empathetic" (even if they are) because people typically value other strengths they have. I am constantly told that "being empathetic is my superpower" and I feel that there are many other things I bring to the table (eg problem solving skills) that could be mentioned instead, especially at work. Just trying to get a gauge if I'm overreacting or not

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26F. I agree 10000% OP.

As a consultant i do think empathy is critical to success. But then I'm from Deloitte :)

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Is Deloitte known for pushing that?

I do but I’m gay

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30M here. Get the feedback frequently from team members I manage and clients I advise.

Think any PM or EM needs this skill to advance complex, long-term initiatives. ‘One time games,’ maybe less so, but those are less common than many think.

Agreed there could be bias, but know most of my PM colleagues seek feedback that they are data-driven and human-centered in their approach.

I’m empathetic AF, but never get it as feedback.

I am a man and I wish I could get that feedback. I get that I am a good problem solver and a structured manager but not empathetic enough. Empathy is so important the higher you get. It is one of the most important leadership qualities.

OP - Here is a genuine comment and would love to get your take on it. I am a new manager and I am just terrified about giving any sort of feedback to my female team members, positive or constructive. And I have spoken to a few male mentors and they admit privately that they feel the same but it is such a sensitive topic that even no one in the leadership is willing to discuss among themselves. Your post terrifies me even more as a male manager because I realize anything and everything can be interpreted as gender bias and my career can be ruined if I gave you that positive feedback but you complained about it to a female leader who would then retaliate against me for such an innocent piece of feedback. How should we address this as a society?

Your comments are very helpful. Please keep them coming. 🙏

uplifting

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