Moms in big cities (particularly NYC), I get married this year and am hoping to have children in the next 2-3 yr. Lately, I’ve been stressing as I think about balancing career and motherhood (cont...)

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I spent a lot of time worrying about this too... and my advice would be, don’t stress about it now. You’ll figure it out when it’s time. Be smart with money when you can, of course, but it’s also important to enjoy your life pre-baby because things will drastically change when that little one comes. Mostly for the better of course - but it will be different. For example I used to be out 3-5 nights a week, now I’m lucky if I go out one. I’m not complaining; the hour I get at the end of the day with my baby girl is what gets me through the day. That being said, staying in is probably what saves us that money to afford childcare.
It’s true babies in NYC are expensive but explore your options and figure out what works best for you. There are so many Mom groups on Facebook and stuff, when the time comes you’ll be surprised how easy it is to connect with others. We found a lovely family in the neighborhood to do a nanny share with which saves $$ and my kiddo has a buddy. It’s great for us.
As for the career. Don’t stress now. It’s not easy but it’s absolutely worth it. Take things one day at a time otherwise you’ll make yourself crazy - I can say that bc I absolutely did make myself crazy in the beginning and it didn’t help anything!
Ha. Good luck. It’s all great stuff These are problems we are lucky to have!

likeuplifting

@OP - also, don’t be shy about seeking out female colleagues who are balancing both and ask for their help and advice too. Everyone is figuring this shit out as we go! And I found that seeking the support and guidance of those other working mamas made me feel a lot less overwhelmed by it all. We have to support each other. It’s a wild ride. Here for you!

like

I wish this thinking and dialogue was just as common among men wanting both careers and family

like

And affording all the “NYC extras” like fancy pre schools and nanny shares. Two things:
- Tell me I’m not alone in these thoughts 🙏🏻
- How do you working super moms do it? Any way to prep for family in years leading up?

Sending hugs to you, boss ladies!

like

Congrats on your marriage!
Following this. I’m in a similar situation.

likeuplifting

We curated our lives so only one of us has to work. It's been hard to live below our means, but it has helped tremendously. The pressure is off! Paying for a day care or nanny share is tough, but it's not forever and you will make it through.
I do hope you have as many children as you dream because life is too short! It really does all work out and the closer you get to having your first, the more mommy contacts and ideas you will get!
Enjoy this season in your life! So special. 💗

like

Make sure your commute is less than one hour door to door. It makes a big difference. Also, recognize that you have to be able to let some things go. My dear friend told me when I was a new mom that “ your house will never be as clean as it once was, your body will never be exactly the same, you will never kill it at work and at home on the same day, but you will also never. Ever. Look back and regret bringing the Best Love into your life. “ I keep that with me. Also, don’t get too close with your nanny. You have to always keep a line between your family and an employee. It is emotionally hard when it blurs. And, like they say in marriage (which is hard to do!) don’t go to bed angry. Especially with the nanny. You have to raise issues in real time. Healthier for everyone. Good luck. You will love it

like

We lived in Hoboken/JC and it worked out pretty well. My kid was a bit older when we moved up (4), but we did a summer camp in the city so he commuted with me and school and before/after care starting in kindergarten to elongate his school hours. It's really like anything else: price things out, meet people, tour facilities, and figure out which place/person meets your needs best at your price point. That being said, I'm glad we lived in the burbs when he was a baby because it was cheaper. I also didn't have the career I have now though. We moved back to the burbs recently, and it was worth it in my opinion.

likehelpful

Think about moving to Minneapolis! I’m exploring daycare and it looks like the fanciest one is 1400 a month. And no one blinks if you leave at 5 (as long as you check in on email later - it is advertising)

like

single mom since 18 yo and 7+ years in this industry. we’ve made it this far and it’s been such a great journey. no guts, no glory. go get it girl.

likeuplifting

In the same boat.

helpful

It really depends on where you are in JC. We were in the Heights by 9th st light rail. I walked in the mornings though from home to Hoboken Terminal for the exercise and it was an hour commute. Not walking, it should be 30 minutes. It's getting very expensive though, so keep that in mind. Also, there's no "bad" or inconvenient area of Hoboken (west hoboken is code for Jersey City or Union City). Union City is coming up, but not quite at the same pace as JC. Depending on where your office is, they're all good options. I always had relatively quick access to kiddo in an emergency, and I've been at our Times Square and West Village offices. Also, schools are getting better in JC/HOB. We were very happy with our school in the Heights.

like

Courage! You will do a great job. My biggest regret pre-kids was not being tougher with myself financially, e.g.saving more, getting finances in order (401k, college fund research, buy a place, etc.) beforehand. That said, the baby finance bomb wasn't so bad initially outside of hospital costs. We stayed practical. We did not buy every gadget. Good nannies or daycares are awesome and should be paid so much more, in my view, especially because they enable us all to work and have peace of mind.

funny

I plan to move out of the northeast once my little one is school aged. Public schools are a pain in the city- all 5 boroughs (you may do better in Jerz) and private schools are a racket (I know, I’m an alumni). The rest you totally figure out. Don’t stress and congrats on your wedding!

like

Mom of 2. Live in the city. Hours are crazy, but so is life. Staying here allows me to run to school for mtgs, events, illness. Had a nanny up until 2 years ago. You can do it. Just be present at work and at home and know what your boundaries are. Having respectful coworkers who can form part of your support network is critical.

uplifting

So I am not a mom, and not in the same boat but I do have chronic anxiety so if I may....I wouldn’t worry about all this until you need to. You’re being proactive and that’s a big step, be gentle on yourself and focus on what you have at hand. You’re going to be a great mama, get married and enjoy that first. Then have a baby and plan for their arrival. Not the advice you were looking for but I feel like women are pressured to worry about the next milestone and not enjoying the present.

like

It is hard. I have been doing it for four years, and it is hard... I keep going, because I love it. But, man am I exhausted.

like

Mom of 2 living in NYC and I made it a personal mission that I wouldn’t get a nanny. If my husband and I couldn’t figure out a way to be with our kids for breakfast, take them to/from daycare or school, and tuck them in at night, then it was time for one of us to get a new job or leave the city. 6 years later, no nanny, no family close by, both still in the industry, and both working FT. It’s about setting your own personal boundaries and then make sure you stick by them at work. I work my ass off while I’m at the office but leave at 6. Get my kids, dinner, bedtime and log on after the kids are asleep. Weekend nights and nap times sometimes are spent catching up on work but that’s what works for us. Husband and I have to juggle sick days, work travel and random school holidays but we know that’s what we want to do to make our family work. Find what works for you. And if it doesn’t work, change something.
Not going to lie, we’re exhausted but proud and happy AF for making it work as long as we have.

like

SR - We’re considering JC or somewhere else in Jersey. I’m just hoping it won’t mean a long commute to take time away from family. So many factors to consider!

SR - Great to know. Thank you for all the info ♥️

Related Posts

like

Product Design Engineer, interviewing at Apple (Cupertino) and at Meta (Seattle/Redmond). Not at the offer stage yet, but I'm contemplating where I would relocate with family.
No idea about team/culture/stability differences yet.

The non-work factors I'm debating are:
1. Cost-of-living (housing!). Could probably afford a nice ~$1.25M SFH in Seattle suburbs sooner than a fair $1.5-2M near Cupertino.
2. Public School quality. Unsure private will be affordable.
3. Weather/region: activities

like

14 years abap experience, which companies to try..?

like

What are some best SAP modules for highest paying jobs? SAP

like

I am from the US and I'm traveling to Europe next week for the first time ever. I have read that tipping culture at restaurants and bars is different over there, so I wondered if this is true and if anyone knows, how should I prepare accordingly?

like

Does Capital One provide a company cell phone to business analysts? If not, what do they use for mobile email, text and phone?

like

Hi Fishes,

I am a new joiner. Haven't received welcome mail from ADP portal so don't have the client I'd, user id and password for ADP. It's been more than 21 days since I joined.

When do you get the details and if not how to escalate?

like

Anyone here work at Splunk? Would love to get a referral or any info you can divulge.

like

Got my first job working retail! I'm so excited. I'm only 18 and I know it's not that much but I'm happy that I get to earn my very own money.

like

Does anyone know what Humana pays for a WFH pharmacy technician FT position in TX?

What does your benefits package include?

like

Financial Advisors & those in similar roles. What more would you like your registered assistants/associates to do to support your business?

like

Is Accenture giving welcome kit and when do we get it??

like

Any vacation suggestions for a family of four with a14yo boy and 13yo girl? Anywhere in the world except London, Paris, Rome, NYC or a beach vacation. #FirstWorldProblems

Can anyone tell about the pros and cons of joining Tata Elxsi?

like

During my job search, I am getting a lot of recruiters asking for me to answer right to represent emails. These particular recruiters follow a same pattern and seem unprofessional. Shall I be aware and not sign these right to represents? Are they a scam? Or is it a cultural thing… can someone advise me, I’m based in the USA

like
like

Healthy snack options?

like

Hooked up with a guy a while back and we had a really great connection, talked for hours after. We’ve made plans to hang out a again and he’s cancelled twice, busy with school. Cont:

like

Additional Posts in Women in Advertising

Anyone can send a link or teach designing a package? From pdps, dielines, etc. I am an intern graphic designer and would like to learn more about these stuff. Thank you in advance.

Im in a junior position, have excellent feedback, work hard. I make very little $. I had 2 job offers and told my current company I couldn’t afford to stay there. They immediately matched. 4 months later I followed up and the timing of the adjustment will now align with the timing cost of living increases for inflation which apparently I’m ineligible for. Should this exempt me from a cost of living increase due the adjusted salary 5 months after we agreed to this?

like

Transferring to a very demanding account. Have to pick up from day care few days a week, leaving by 4 and I'm pregnant due in August. They don't know yet. Is this a wrong fit? I need job security.

like

Not in creative but my previous agency had a fantastic maternity policy.

like

Has anyone on here gone through IVF for genetic reasons? Just got some genetic testing results back and trying to figure out some options and hear from people who may have gone through this.

like

We have a feedback type of platform at my work where you can request feedback, and give it.

Your manager is able to see the feedback that you receive... My manager requested feedback from me...

Opinion needed: do you need to invite your creative partner to your wedding?

like

I am looking for creative deck layouts for stratrgic storytelling. Any ideas where to go for inspiration?

like

Anyone have any insights into working at Amazon Music specifically? Looking for cultural insights on the marketing side of the house. Actively interviewing but these reports I’m seeing about Amazon’s work/life culture are slightly alarming….

like

A woman ad in the dept is on the chopping block. She has a 1 year old kid so maybe a bit distracted. She Is good at ideating but delivers one good idea and is easily overwhelmed. She is always saying no to taking on more more and it’s getting noticed. How do I warn her, help her, keep another woman from leaving without giving away insider information.

like

Has anyone ever done interview coaching or anything similar? Looking for resources or tips because I’ve had the chance to interview at some great companies but I keep blowing it...

like

It’s been really hard to keep my head up after what feels like endless rejection. Received a no today about position I really wanted. The interviews felt so genuine and I was even told I’d be a good fit. Ultimately it just seems that my experience isn’t translating, which really sucks when you feel stuck in your current role and want to make a transition. I’m so eager to keep learning. Would love to connect with any brand/account directors to get some advice.

like

Just wanted to say, I posted in here about wanting feedback on my book and also about a mentor I can ask questions to bc I don’t have any female creative leadership at my agency. Con’t...

likeuplifting

Would you rather go to a smaller agency and work fully remote, or go to a very large financial company (talking 10,000+ employees) which the company policies are very by the book? This is for a social role. TIA!

like

Hey fellow fishies! There have been some questions lately about men lurking in this bowl. I’ve reached out to Fishbowl and a rep reassured me that only users who identify as women are allowed access to this bowl. If any men have misrepresented their gender in order to gain access, please flag the user and/or reach out to a bowl leader or Fishbowl support asap! Definitely want to make sure this space remains safe and private so we can continue to share freely 🙏

likeuplifting

What industry-related podcasts do you subscribe? I’m listening to Digiday, AdExchanger, eMarketer quite often.

like

Because of layoffs, I have a new boss for the 4th time in 4 years. My new boss prefers to write new lines as opposed to giving me feedback on what I’ve written. What’s the best way to approach?

like

I'm a recent grad with about $5k to my name, decently little college debt (thankfully). What financial advice would you give me aka your past self?
Some great tips I've seen already: make savings an automated pull from your checking, make goals, start on retirement asap.

likehelpful

Any fish in line w me at the Vivienne Westwood sample sale in NYC? Good luck.

likefunnyhelpful

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal