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I spent a lot of time worrying about this too... and my advice would be, don’t stress about it now. You’ll figure it out when it’s time. Be smart with money when you can, of course, but it’s also important to enjoy your life pre-baby because things will drastically change when that little one comes. Mostly for the better of course - but it will be different. For example I used to be out 3-5 nights a week, now I’m lucky if I go out one. I’m not complaining; the hour I get at the end of the day with my baby girl is what gets me through the day. That being said, staying in is probably what saves us that money to afford childcare.
It’s true babies in NYC are expensive but explore your options and figure out what works best for you. There are so many Mom groups on Facebook and stuff, when the time comes you’ll be surprised how easy it is to connect with others. We found a lovely family in the neighborhood to do a nanny share with which saves $$ and my kiddo has a buddy. It’s great for us.
As for the career. Don’t stress now. It’s not easy but it’s absolutely worth it. Take things one day at a time otherwise you’ll make yourself crazy - I can say that bc I absolutely did make myself crazy in the beginning and it didn’t help anything!
Ha. Good luck. It’s all great stuff These are problems we are lucky to have!
@OP - also, don’t be shy about seeking out female colleagues who are balancing both and ask for their help and advice too. Everyone is figuring this shit out as we go! And I found that seeking the support and guidance of those other working mamas made me feel a lot less overwhelmed by it all. We have to support each other. It’s a wild ride. Here for you!
I wish this thinking and dialogue was just as common among men wanting both careers and family
And affording all the “NYC extras” like fancy pre schools and nanny shares. Two things:
- Tell me I’m not alone in these thoughts 🙏🏻
- How do you working super moms do it? Any way to prep for family in years leading up?
Sending hugs to you, boss ladies!
Congrats on your marriage!
Following this. I’m in a similar situation.
We curated our lives so only one of us has to work. It's been hard to live below our means, but it has helped tremendously. The pressure is off! Paying for a day care or nanny share is tough, but it's not forever and you will make it through.
I do hope you have as many children as you dream because life is too short! It really does all work out and the closer you get to having your first, the more mommy contacts and ideas you will get!
Enjoy this season in your life! So special. 💗
Make sure your commute is less than one hour door to door. It makes a big difference. Also, recognize that you have to be able to let some things go. My dear friend told me when I was a new mom that “ your house will never be as clean as it once was, your body will never be exactly the same, you will never kill it at work and at home on the same day, but you will also never. Ever. Look back and regret bringing the Best Love into your life. “ I keep that with me. Also, don’t get too close with your nanny. You have to always keep a line between your family and an employee. It is emotionally hard when it blurs. And, like they say in marriage (which is hard to do!) don’t go to bed angry. Especially with the nanny. You have to raise issues in real time. Healthier for everyone. Good luck. You will love it
We lived in Hoboken/JC and it worked out pretty well. My kid was a bit older when we moved up (4), but we did a summer camp in the city so he commuted with me and school and before/after care starting in kindergarten to elongate his school hours. It's really like anything else: price things out, meet people, tour facilities, and figure out which place/person meets your needs best at your price point. That being said, I'm glad we lived in the burbs when he was a baby because it was cheaper. I also didn't have the career I have now though. We moved back to the burbs recently, and it was worth it in my opinion.
Think about moving to Minneapolis! I’m exploring daycare and it looks like the fanciest one is 1400 a month. And no one blinks if you leave at 5 (as long as you check in on email later - it is advertising)
single mom since 18 yo and 7+ years in this industry. we’ve made it this far and it’s been such a great journey. no guts, no glory. go get it girl.
In the same boat.
It really depends on where you are in JC. We were in the Heights by 9th st light rail. I walked in the mornings though from home to Hoboken Terminal for the exercise and it was an hour commute. Not walking, it should be 30 minutes. It's getting very expensive though, so keep that in mind. Also, there's no "bad" or inconvenient area of Hoboken (west hoboken is code for Jersey City or Union City). Union City is coming up, but not quite at the same pace as JC. Depending on where your office is, they're all good options. I always had relatively quick access to kiddo in an emergency, and I've been at our Times Square and West Village offices. Also, schools are getting better in JC/HOB. We were very happy with our school in the Heights.
Courage! You will do a great job. My biggest regret pre-kids was not being tougher with myself financially, e.g.saving more, getting finances in order (401k, college fund research, buy a place, etc.) beforehand. That said, the baby finance bomb wasn't so bad initially outside of hospital costs. We stayed practical. We did not buy every gadget. Good nannies or daycares are awesome and should be paid so much more, in my view, especially because they enable us all to work and have peace of mind.
I plan to move out of the northeast once my little one is school aged. Public schools are a pain in the city- all 5 boroughs (you may do better in Jerz) and private schools are a racket (I know, I’m an alumni). The rest you totally figure out. Don’t stress and congrats on your wedding!
Mom of 2. Live in the city. Hours are crazy, but so is life. Staying here allows me to run to school for mtgs, events, illness. Had a nanny up until 2 years ago. You can do it. Just be present at work and at home and know what your boundaries are. Having respectful coworkers who can form part of your support network is critical.
So I am not a mom, and not in the same boat but I do have chronic anxiety so if I may....I wouldn’t worry about all this until you need to. You’re being proactive and that’s a big step, be gentle on yourself and focus on what you have at hand. You’re going to be a great mama, get married and enjoy that first. Then have a baby and plan for their arrival. Not the advice you were looking for but I feel like women are pressured to worry about the next milestone and not enjoying the present.
It is hard. I have been doing it for four years, and it is hard... I keep going, because I love it. But, man am I exhausted.
Mom of 2 living in NYC and I made it a personal mission that I wouldn’t get a nanny. If my husband and I couldn’t figure out a way to be with our kids for breakfast, take them to/from daycare or school, and tuck them in at night, then it was time for one of us to get a new job or leave the city. 6 years later, no nanny, no family close by, both still in the industry, and both working FT. It’s about setting your own personal boundaries and then make sure you stick by them at work. I work my ass off while I’m at the office but leave at 6. Get my kids, dinner, bedtime and log on after the kids are asleep. Weekend nights and nap times sometimes are spent catching up on work but that’s what works for us. Husband and I have to juggle sick days, work travel and random school holidays but we know that’s what we want to do to make our family work. Find what works for you. And if it doesn’t work, change something.
Not going to lie, we’re exhausted but proud and happy AF for making it work as long as we have.
SR - We’re considering JC or somewhere else in Jersey. I’m just hoping it won’t mean a long commute to take time away from family. So many factors to consider!
SR - Great to know. Thank you for all the info ♥️