{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My 18- year son is supposed to leave to upstate for college next month. Today he told me he doesn’t want to go college and wants to cancel dorming . I told him he should go for a semester and try it out before giving up completely, maybe he might like. He is contemplating on going to the military. I feel that is very confused on what to do what his life, I support him but I don’t want him to miss the opportunity of getting a degree. Help, how do I act and what is the best advice for the kid?", "post_id": "5f09290a670fc20020503c7b", "reply_count": 15, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "5aa3ebca6a56fa0013ec82de", "bowl_name": "New York City" }

My 18- year son is supposed to leave to upstate for college next month. Today he told me he doesn’t want to go college and wants to cancel dorming . I told him he should go for a semester and try it out before giving up completely, maybe he might like. He is contemplating on going to the military. I feel that is very confused on what to do what his life, I support him but I don’t want him to miss the opportunity of getting a degree. Help, how do I act and what is the best advice for the kid?

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ROTC is an option if the school has a program. The program at my Alma mater would let you shadow some of the officer classes if you expressed interest.

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Yes also this - ROTC is definitely an option

I think he is discouraged and insecure on what he wants to do, I told him it maybe a good experience and he can always drop it if it’s not for him. I am conflicted on how to approach this matter

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Make it clear that college is a discovery experience. I wouldn’t push too hard or he would rebel. Try to get him interested by looking at course catalog and activities, frats, whatever. Have him join the Instagram / fbook meme accounts for his school

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Maybe let him know that most people don’t know what they’re going to do. A majority of the kids who are “100% sure” in high school change their minds once they try out classes in college. What is he interested in? Maybe let him know there’s no pressure to pick a major and he should pick whatever class he has an interest in.

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Personally, I'll probably always carry a bit of a grudge towards my parents for not allowing me to take a gap year (I mean, I could have taken one but they refused to pay unless I went on their timeline). I think I would have had an easier, less anxious college experience had I been able to execute my plan (volunteer, intern, take some classes at community college).

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I was full fare because of my parent's income, so that would have been extremely challenging to do. Parents not wanting to pay for college isn't enough for a dependency status override.

Teach him how to evaluate his choices, pros and cons and truly make the decisions for himself. Avoid pushing your views too hard

Why doesn’t he want to go? I think it’s definitely a good idea to have him try a semester. It might be weird with COVID but I think for most people college is some of the most fun times of their lives. And also getting a college degree is invaluable unless he is just completely uninterested in any sort of career path people on this app have taken

100% do rotc. It will give him structure and a friend group. All the people from my class in it were really close

Well could always let him know funding from you only continues if he chooses colleges. I know that’s not the kindest route but if he wants to go into the real world now let him know what’s waiting

As someone who was put in this situation- that is not a road you want to go down with your kid. The resentment is real. If you want to get this message across without your kid feeling bullied and trapped by you maybe let them know that you had financially planned for school and would hope that they’d at least try it out, but understand if the have a different life path in mind and you will morally support them but don’t feel comfortable financially backing that decision. Something like that. But it sounds like kiddo isn’t sure what he wants so I wouldn’t jump to threats - is highlight choices that give the most options- e.g. a semester of school and shadowing ROTC classes If possible.

I still don’t know what to do with my life

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