{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My 4 YO takes riding lessons at a small barn outside of the city. I hopped on a horse there recently for old time's sake, but haven't really ridden in years. A casualty of the legal profession, along with the rest of my hobbies from my former country life. His instructor asked me if I'd be willing to get back in the saddle. Part of me is like, this is the change I need. It will help me lose this COVID-15lbs. But I'm also terrified and I have no idea why. (cont)\n", "post_id": "616ecc21cde56600267db088", "reply_count": 19, "vote_count": 9, "bowl_id": "5da60c126e5f0d001f32f497", "bowl_name": "Women in Law" }

My 4 YO takes riding lessons at a small barn outside of the city. I hopped on a horse there recently for old time's sake, but haven't really ridden in years. A casualty of the legal profession, along with the rest of my hobbies from my former country life. His instructor asked me if I'd be willing to get back in the saddle. Part of me is like, this is the change I need. It will help me lose this COVID-15lbs. But I'm also terrified and I have no idea why. (cont)

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I have been having a weird resistance to restarting a lot of my hobbies. I have a project that’s been sitting untouched on my loom since COVID began. I didn’t touch my herb garden this year. Not even to weed it. My poor chickens aren’t getting the love they deserve. I just assumed I am at a burn out stage and need some rest. But the thought of riding again absolutely terrifies me. And I now I wonder if I’m not just taking a break from my hobbies. But what if I’m actually scared to do them? (Yes, I am on medication for depression and regularly speak to a therapist. I’ll bring this up with her as well.)

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Chester County PA. Not living there anymore.

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I haven’t played sports since high school and was never amazing at anything, but my husband convinced me to start tennis back up again to release some stress. It took me a whole year to create the courage to do it and I’m about a month into it. It was the best decision I’ve made recently. I will carve out time for it now even if it means working late because it helps with sleep and with stress. If I have a bad day at work, I’ll just go hit some awful but powerful shots at the tennis court and I’ll feel better after. I think we often forget, specially after law school/bar/work cycle of never having time, how beneficial getting outside and exercising is beneficial for us all around. I was on the verge of an anxiety attack almost every day and I haven’t had that in the month since I started playing. It seems silly but it’s truly changed my quality of life in just a month. Take your time to get there, but remember that you deserve to have time for yourself to pra to e your hobbies, whatever they may be. Whether you stick to them also doesn’t dictate your worth. It just means it’s not for you at that moment. Sending lots of love!!

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Scheduled the evaluation lesson for Friday....

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I feel the same way when I am going through a period of depression. If you can get yourself to start one thing, I think that will help you overcome the fear and improve your mood. I’ve never ridden but it sounds like a really nice way to connect with another living being but without the need to make small talk.

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COVID is associated with a number of traumatic stress reactions, from increased anxiety to full-on post traumatic stress disorder. It is good that you are getting professional support. It might help to identify exactly what you fear. Do you fear not being able to get into the saddle? Do you fear falling off? Do you fear the horse stepping on you? Sometimes when we can more clearly identify the fear it becomes more manageable. In the meantime, give yourself some grace. It has been a hard 18 months or so.

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I used to do theatre as my hobby. I’d been putting it off for years, but this summer I decided to finally audition for a show. I almost walked out of the audition I was so anxious and terrified. Thankfully I didn’t. It was a rough adjustment. Rehearsals weren’t fun at first. I was out of practice, self-conscious, and stressed the first few weeks. But man, after that, it was the first time I’d felt like myself in years. I had so much fun I’m doing another show after the holidays. I’d encourage you to embrace the discomfort and give it an honest try. It’s scary to put yourself out there again. It might not feel the same as it felt years ago, and that’s ok. With time I think you’ll love it for the new adventure it is!

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If it was just horseback riding I’d say maybe it was because you’d gotten older and realized you aren’t immune to injury. I also can’t ride anymore without anxiety because I just can’t get over knowing that at some point I’m going to fall off and it’s going to hurt. The fun of riding is just no longer worth the sore back anymore. But you said it’s all of your hobbies, including some that are in no way dangerous. And that tells me it’s much deeper. Have you tried therapy?

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I feel like it was easy when I had that momentum of always doing it. But maybe I'm afraid of failing at the things I used to be ok at?

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I don’t have anything helpful other than to add I am in the same mental place right now and feel ya. I agree that it’s maybe a sign of a constant ambient depression. Going to try some of the tips from other commenters here!

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I’ve been wanting to start riding again myself. I was competitive when I was younger, but stopped riding when I went to college. But I live in LA (there are places to ride, but they’re hard to get to or only take people who want to compete). And my schedule is always so on flux that I don’t know whether I can commit to riding at a specific time each week like lessons require. Plus, the fear of injury is far more present nowadays; it’s the same reason I stopped doing martial arts, my other physical hobby. I find myself doing hobbies that I can “cancel” easily. But I miss horses. I miss being physical. I miss getting my hands dirty.

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I also stopped doing martial arts

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