{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My best friend & I got pregnant around the same time. We didn’t know the other was even trying - just a happy surprise. But now I am going through a miscarriage and I don’t know how to feel. Lots of jealousy, but I’m still so happy for them. I knew it was a possibility (1/4 pregnancies end in miscarriage) but why did it have to be me? I don’t want to go to her gender reveal next week, it’s still just so painful but I feel like a horrible person for harboring these negative feelings towards her.", "post_id": "5fa96099c3b4ce001a1b3c89", "reply_count": 7, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession " }

My best friend & I got pregnant around the same time. We didn’t know the other was even trying - just a happy surprise. But now I am going through a miscarriage and I don’t know how to feel. Lots of jealousy, but I’m still so happy for them. I knew it was a possibility (1/4 pregnancies end in miscarriage) but why did it have to be me? I don’t want to go to her gender reveal next week, it’s still just so painful but I feel like a horrible person for harboring these negative feelings towards her.

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Sorry for your loss, OP. I can’t imagine what it must be like. Take the time you need to process it and grieve. It’s human to have those thoughts. Although here is what I would say. “Why me” doesn’t help, because it suggests you’d be ok with it happening to someone else. Which I’m certain you wouldn’t; knowing the pain you’re feeling. If your best friend is really your best friend, she will understand if you don’t feel up to joining her gender reveal. You have to take care of yourself first, before you can be there for others ❤️ Don’t be too hard on yourself. Give yourself time

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My wife and I went through the same thing. You don't have to go, but I highly recommend communicating with your friend so that you don't hurt them and your relationship with them. The grieving process is not quick. I would say my wife was grieving for over a year (we were still TTC). Take care of yourself, don't be afraid to get therapy or use your friends/SO as therapy.

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OP my sisters were both pregnant at the same time, one of them ended in a miscarriage at 5 months. I didn’t expect her to help in planning anything, and my other sister was pretty aware of how she was feeling and trying to be respectful of that. I’m sure your best friend won’t mind if you can’t attend. Best wishes!

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Id just tell her how you feel and that you don't wana be a killjoy at her party.

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That must be so hard for you! I recently had a miscarriage and have found that leaning on friends makes it easier, although I would not lean on the friend who is currently pregnant. You absolutely don’t need to attend her gender reveal, but I would speak to her about why you aren’t beforehand so she isn’t hurt - and if anyone else wonders why you aren’t there don’t feel that you need to share the reason as it’s not their business

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Also want to add - re the “why me” question - a miscarriage happens because the baby wouldn’t have been viable. So while obviously you’re not going to be happy about losing the baby, it’s better that you didn’t carry this baby to term because it would have had chromosomal abnormalities and/or deficiencies. That might not make it easier to deal with but can help when thinking about it more logically. Hope you get through it, sending hugs!

For what it's worth I'm sure your friend also feels some awkwardness and guilt that she is having all of this and even her presence right now can hurt you. She might be hesitant to talk to you about anything going on because of it so you bringing up honestly that it's still too fresh and would rather not be a part of that would not just be a load off of you but likely clear the air for her too. You both deserve to feel what you are experiencing now

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