My best friend is getting married. I’m very happy for her. But I’m also insanely jealous. She sent me pictures of her wedding dress and while I told her she looks amazing - I can’t stop crying. Her relationship was as long as my ex was cheating on me.
She’s asked me to be her maid of honor - but I want to turn it down so she doesn’t have to see me crying. I already broke down when she told me she was engaged. I was able to keep it together to help her now fiancée do something special.
Take some time and think long and hard before you bow out and miss sharing in your friends big day. I understand you are hurt and this is difficult for you due to your own feelings. Remember she is your “best friend” if the friend is truly one you value, it may be a hard pill to swallow but you may regret your decision later and honestly it may put a strain on your friendship too. Put yourself in her shoes as well it will help you see things from a different perspective. Wish you the best as you sort through your feelings. Failed relationships are hard, but do not let that ruin friendships and other things in your life. It will get better!
Conversation Starter
I’m currently in a similar situation, dealing with a breakup while she just got engaged and is planning her wedding. Does it get to me sometimes? Yes I feel it’s unfair. But I just can’t allow my mind to go there. I don’t want it to. She’s my best friend and has done a lot for me and I am proud and happy for her. We have different paths in life and I am happy in my journey and believe I will someday be in the same position. she’s routing for me and vice versa.
Conversation Starter
Thanks everyone, try to remember that the energy you put into the universe you get the same out of it in return!
Tell her but you don’t have to say you’re jealous. Just say it’s really hard for you because you had such a painful relationship recently, say that you are really happy for them but being so involved in celebrating their relationship is going to be too hard for you. Ask if you can just attend the wedding as a guest. Thank her for asking you and apologize but don’t do it if it will make you suffer so much. If she responds badly then she’s not a good friend…
Try not to make a decision you’ll regret. Since this is your best friend, declining to be her maid of honor will likely hurt her feelings and could cause a falling out in your friendship. Don’t let a guy who cheated on you make you lose your best friend too. Talk to her and be open and honest about how you feel (maybe not the jealousy part).
I know what you’re feeling. One of my best friends is getting married next week…and yesterday was the two yr anniversary of the only woman I have ever truly loved leaving me. If you had told me three yrs ago I would be here..I would have never believed you. I would never believed she would leave me and shack up with the first dude she dated after me (we were together for two and half yrs).
But I try not to think about how miserable I am but how happy one of my oldest friends is. This isn’t about me…it’s about him and his future wife.
Also I skipped a buddies wedding about six yrs ago because I was in a dumb argument with a mutual friend that would be there. I should have put aside my own shit to celebrate his happy day.
So please think hard about what you’re about to do and realize that the once that day has passed…it’s never going to happen again.
I would tell her the truth. If she's your best friend she will understand. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know your pain all too well.
Time will heal you 💛
Ugh, I’m so sorry. When my brother got married I was going through a divorce. A horrible horrible divorce. And it was so painful. My suggestion to you is to consider if you will regret later that you were not involved in your friends wedding. For me, I was very honest with my brother and shared that weddings are super painful for me and being in his wedding is something I clearly want to do because I’m his sister and love him but to please be patient with me because a big part of me while happy for him was feeling sad and almost like I’ll never feel good again or be married. No matter what you decide, don’t force yourself to show up in a way that’s fake. Maybe have a conversation with your best friend and say you’re so upset but you want to know if she’s going to be able to be ok with you having a hard time sometimes throughout the process, and explain you love her and want her to be happy but are just so devastated and it’s definitely impacting you. And see what she says. Ask for her patience.
Ugh op I know exactly how you feel. I was my friend’s maid of honor and she got married on the same weekend I broke up with my ex. It’s really difficult but I sucked it up. It’s only a day and weddings are fun, marriages aren’t always fun
Lie to her and get out it?
Bridesmaid requires a lot of work. You should ask to take a lesser role.