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I have first hand experience with this š my dad is 60, heās set in his ways permanently, thinks heās right all the time, has an attitude problem, yells a lot, doesnāt work and financially depends on everyone else in the fam...I know he cares for me but after many years of horrible arguments, Iāve come to accept that he is an elderly at this point, I will talk to him like an elderly and will not take his words seriously or to heart. I still live with him and my family, so I really learned to just keep the peace. Itās easier said than done but itās the only way now! I think this applies to any family member that frustrates you to the core!
Wow are you me?
My father is the same. It may be harsh, but I cut mine out. I decided that itās time I keep the positive and meaningful relationships. I had tried to talk to him many times and either get called a liar or things will change for a week. I got sucked in each cycle to only get disappointed. Once I told him I was done, he still never got it and blamed it on something other than reality. I will see him at thanksgiving and be pleasant and of course I care from a distance, but the pain didnāt work for me anymore. That may not be the best for you, but donāt forget to keep your well-being a priority. Thoughts and prayers.
Sameeeeeee. My bio-dad (tinkering with bi-o-dad) took over full time after my mom died. Needless to say, I left at 18 and have not looked back. I try to remain civil and extend an olive branch occasionally, but he is compartmented and I manage the interaction. Itās exhausting, but some people are incapable of seeing their own issues as an āissueā for everyone else.
Stay strong. Step back from the conversation and swirl of emotion. And leave, if you can.
I really feel for you. My ex-boyfriend and my ex-best friend both suffered from severe bipolar disorder. I think most people donāt understand that this is not just a frustrating family member, itās a whole other level of toxicity. I donāt fault people for having bipolar disease, but I do fault them for refusing to attempt managing it through medication and therapy. Ultimately I couldnāt take it and had to end those relationships for my own sanity. I know itās different with a parent and you may not want to completely sever that relationship, but I urge you to prioritize your own well-being as much as possible.
Hi!
Please donāt be apologetic. We all have some or other issues. Has anyone in the family sat him down and shared the concerns? Is there anyone that he feels connected to and could talk him into talking his medicines ?
Who all are living together with him?
Op you can't argue with them. Talk to a psychologist please. You are treating them as a normal person ..you need to know how to craft their mood and day. They are kids
Feel this. My father is bipolar. Right now he is depressed but taking medicine, which I am grateful for. When he was last manic though he spent all of his money, got a DUI, etc. All the while we tried to get him to go to a psychiatrist and get on medicine and he kept saying that he was fine, all the while asking us for a place to stay, money, rides from the bar, etc. When he is depressed, heāll recognize his depression, but when heās manic, he thinks that he is ānormalā. Itās so so hard to deal with. Really sorry youāre going through this too. You may just want to distance yourself from him as much as possible. Itās sad, but it might be whatās best for you right now at least. Sending you hugs š
Wow, this is very similar to my moms behavior. We can never convince her she needs help, itās always a huge fight and we always lose. Eventually she does something silly that gets her noticed by the police and she gets put into medical care. Often they release her from care too quickly and the cycle repeats for weeks until finally sheās held long enough to get back under control with treatment. Then, we have to catch up on the rent she owes, find her vehicle/often get it out of impound... we used to go to her employer at the time to ask them if they could put her on leave vs letting her go. Now, we (my brother and I) distance ourselves when the tell tale signs set in and support one another.
Chief
I feel you and sympathize with you on not having a mentally present father who can cope with parent responsibilities and appropriate behavior, my dad is an alcoholic who refuses to get help. I feel that same resentment and hate, it is the reason I dislike holidays because it forces me to go home. Someone told me to read the book āYou can heal your lifeā and talks about how to forgive people that were incapable of taking cars of us. Havenāt read it yer
Picture? Difficult to imagine without seeing it
I sorta grew up with a severely bipolar (with schizophrenia too) mom. I thankfully ended up with my dad and grandma but she was still in my life when she could be. Overall, it was quite the burden on my brother and I. We became very hyper vigilant about her mental health, signs of her approaching an episode and then attempting to do damage control in the aftermath. The biggest burden was on my brother, who was older and had to stay with her (different fathers.) while it has made my brother and I very close, it is definitely not a very traditional childhood/young adulthood/adulthood. As, the kids become the parents quickly. We had been tracking her down, trying to recover financial messes she makes during episodes, trying to get her in the hospital system for as long as possible, since we our early teens. Somehow, her relationship with my brother has survived, albeit a rocky one and very unfair for him. My relationship with her not so much. Iām 35 and heās 37.
Now, sadly, when she has an episode we both ignore her and simply call the police if she shows up. It sounds harsh, and it is harsh... but we cannot control her. She has attacked my brother in the past during episodes and gets very cruel. Sheās very timid and sweet normally but has always made very very bad decisions, refuses to give us power of attorney for medical/finances, etc. I donāt feel like sheās ever owned her illness and worked on putting safety nets in place to help us help her. She used to also get herself into shitty situations with bad boyfriends (abusive, drugs, etc)... bipolar episodes are easily triggered by stress in my experience.
He also has little ones. So, weāve switched to a unified defense and hard wall approach.
My heart goes out to you as itās a very hard thing to struggle with. Iāve never talked to a professional about it (and I should because I feel anger and resentment toward her, so Iāve just removed her from my life.) removing her from my life though has brought me a lot of peace. Itās also dampened the damage after episodes pass as I focus more on my brother and holding strong than on her.
My dad has it too. Could emotionally blackmail him to take medicines after putting him into an ambulance faking a covid test.. he was in hospital for two months. Injected medicines. He is normal now. Takes daily cocktail of antipsychotics
This is very true, he is so manipulative
Dm me if you need help on brainstorming