My boss is also Asian. Love her as my boss (not romantically haha) and I'm at a point in my career where I want some straight up honest feedback to grow, but I feel she'll never share it with me

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Why not try setting up a one-on-one and ask her about her experiences and what she learned, the good and bad, as she progressed in her career, and then tell her you respect her as a mentor/manager and would appreciate her advice on what you’re doing well and where you can grow to achieve that next step in your career. Feel free to skip to part 2, but I always think it’s important to learn from other Asians on how they viewed and gone through the climb

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I would welcome someone coming to me and asking for feedback openly. That shows they want to grow. If you’re unsure what to say, you could try, “I like being a part of this team and I value your opinion. I’d love to know what feedback you have for me so that I can continue to improve and grow professionally. For instance, what things should I continue, start, and stop doing?"

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We both trend towards the avoid-conflict type, like most Asians.
Thoughts on how to ask for feedback? I legit need help with phrasing how to ask, "gimme honest feedback on my work" without being too direct at her

No, not true. Many Americans are conflict avoiding type, and so not straight forward, many Asians are actually very upfront, direct, no wishy washy.

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As others have said, I think it’s worth bringing it up. Part of their job is ostensibly to make sure their team is performing and growing, so it’s not odd to be asking for straight feedback. This happened recently for me and my (white male) boss — he’s great and supports me but feels a bit scatter-brained and all his feedback is “looks fantastic man” until it’s “what happened here?” so I went to him and asked him to challenge me more with specific feedback so that I’m able to become a better practitioner. It may feel awkward but you’re not having a real honest conversation unless it gets a little awkward, and this will hopefully let you get past some of the more surface-level conversations (“How’s everything?” “Peachy!” “Great to hear, see ya next week!”) and focus on the things that actually matter to you in your career and the things your manager really cares about.

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