{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other since March. Things are going well! About 6 weeks ago, he told me he loved me. He said it a bunch right around then. But since then, he’s said it (cont.)", "post_id": "5b73926839581f0018a23225", "reply_count": 9, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other since March. Things are going well! About 6 weeks ago, he told me he loved me. He said it a bunch right around then. But since then, he’s said it (cont.)

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Have you talked to him openly about this yet? I dated a guy who said it meant a lot to him if I said it when we got off the phone so I started doing that even though it just wasn’t my natural inclination. 🤷‍♀️ Didn’t mean I didn’t love him because I rarely said it but I was happy to say it more after he told him he valued hearing it. So, try talking to him about it.

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While AlixPartners was a little snarky, I agree with the sentiment. Communication is key, and you can keep it light. You could start here: “I feel like we used to say I love you a lot more, and I’m realizing I really like hearing it and miss hearing it more” See where that takes you. Saying I love you is something that’s really rooting for me and my partner, and it would absolutely jar me if he stopped saying it to me every time we said goodbye, and some other times too. You aren’t being crazy or unreasonable, but use your words and know that conversations like this don’t have to be a big thing.

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Wow. Chill, and talk to him about it. You're two individuals and one unit and no one else's journey is going to be comparable.

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@PwC1, did you feel uncomfortable saying it when it didn’t feel natural for you? Or did it feel okay because you knew he wanted to hear it? I think something I’m struggling with is that we spend a lot of time together, but since he works a lot, he’s usually too tired for much sexytime. So without enough physical touch, the lack of words of affirmation is getting to me. Maybe that’s exactly how I should explain it to him. It feels so stupid to be like “HI I know you spend most of your free time with me but I need more from you”

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There is no “normal”, OP...only what’s important to the two of you. For me, I don’t need to hear the words that often - I prefer actions. So you just need to figure out what that balance is for you by talking to him about it.

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I don’t always say I love you back to hubby when he says it. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, it doesn’t come natural to me cos growing up we just didn’t say it a bunch. It makes me uncomfortable to just say it to say it. I prefer to show it or just say it to him when he does something really sweet or the emotions hit. He knows I love him and it doesn’t bother him anymore. Might be the case for you BF so maybe talk to him and let him know how much it means to you to hear it back

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First maybe two times. If I tell him I love him, he always says it back. But it feels weird to never hear him say it, given that he said it first. We’ve talked about love languages, and he and I both have words of affirmation a bit lower on the list, so it could be that? I don’t have any solid experience from which to draw. This is the first relationship in which I’ve gotten to “I love you”s, but he was in a 6 year relationship before. So I imagine it could just roll off his tongue. I worry maybe he didn’t mean it when he said it to me, since he doesn’t say it anymore... insecure thoughts, but I would love to hear other people’s progressions! I say “I love you” every time I get off the phone with family. And I guess I always assumed it would be like that. And it isn’t

The combo of lack of I Love Yous and lack of sexytime is definitely something to discuss openly, even though it is uncomfortable and makes you vulnerable. Verbal affirmation and physicality are important in sustaining intimacy. Talk about it before it keeps getting weird.

OP- yes to both questions. Also, I do think you could tell him how you feel in the same way you posted about it in your reply to me. Just be open, honest, and adult about it.

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