{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My boyfriend has been hinting at moving in together. I don’t mind, it’s been a year and a half plus his lease is ending soon. \n\nI own my apartment, it was my grandmother’s until she passed recently and it’s already paid off. \nWhat would I charge him to live here? Charge him half of co-op fees and maintenance? \n\nBe nice and respectful, I am genuinely asking / I’m like still in mourning.", "post_id": "60f7328bbe0757002d7a657f", "reply_count": 69, "vote_count": 16, "bowl_id": "5aa3ebca6a56fa0013ec82de", "bowl_name": "New York City", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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My boyfriend has been hinting at moving in together. I don’t mind, it’s been a year and a half plus his lease is ending soon.

I own my apartment, it was my grandmother’s until she passed recently and it’s already paid off.
What would I charge him to live here? Charge him half of co-op fees and maintenance?

Be nice and respectful, I am genuinely asking / I’m like still in mourning.

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If u guys spoke about marriage or u think it’s going there I likely wouldn’t charge. But I would ask him to help with groceries and other expenses. Or utilities. And if u guys are close to marriage, maybe can also wait till engaged so u don’t feel used. But of course whatever feels right to u! And also if he’s not paying rent and y guys see a future together, hopefully he’s using these savings for ur guys future life.

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That’s awesome and seems like u guys came to a great agreement!! And yea everyone is different and some like to see how it goes before which totally makes sense!! Best of luck!!

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I don't see anything wrong with splitting the fees and taxes. I think that's 100% reasonable. But just be careful that he is not just moving in with you to save money. If you both see a future together than I say go for it. If not, it will be hard to get rid of him when it's time for him to go.

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My condolences on the loss of your grandmother ❤️ virtual hugs!

likeuplifting

Thank you KPMG 1!! This touched me more than you know 💕

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Half of what you pay to live there I would say and he can pay anything it costs to move in

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Yes, half of co-op fees and maintenance is fair

likesmart

Thanks everyone for such sound feedback!
I’m going to have him split the costs of living there (co-op fees, maintenance, tax, utilities). It’s only fair and in the larger scheme, I’m not profiting / it’s a third of what he pays now.

Appreciate the respectful and fast answers! 😊

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Thank you and you’re not wrong! We’ve had the discussion this morning and he’s totally fine / more than willing to cover half of costs. My brother is a lawyer so he’s going to draft something to keep it neutral. 😊

likesmart

How much more does it cost to have him live there with you? If zero, then that would be what I charge him. Seems weird to charge your boyfriend rent to live with you. Have him contribute in other ways like paying for the groceries, dining out, entertainment etc

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You’re doing the right thing OP! I’m a man and if I was serious in a relationship I wouldn’t expect to live with you for free.

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Half of co-op

likesmart

One other thing beyond splitting coop fees might be agreeing to both contribute $X to a joint fund since you’ll both be saving quite a lot. Depends on your joint financial goals but maybe it’s a travel fund, brokerage, downpayment, wedding, etc

likesmart

All so helpful! And so many things I haven’t thought about like him moving in, etc. I wasn’t sure what to offer towards that but I should just let him handle it right?

For what it will cost for 50% or expenses, it’s going to be like 60% cost savings for him anyways.

Do you think I need some form of a legal agreement? Like I don’t plan on splitting ever, I really like him, but just in case?

likesmart

Do a tenant agreement and have him pay a flat rate as rent that gets updated each year and covers what you need him to! Absolutely do get a lawyer to write this all out so that you have full ownership / right to evict to the apartment at all times. It is for your safety and the safety of your relationship that you do this while things are good ☺️

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Utilities too and towards property tax.

likesmart

Update!!
Hi everyone, your feedback was all super helpful and insightful for me. :)

We had the discussion and he was more than willing to cover half of expenses. He was even offering more than the split amount but I told him to save it in case I want a ring later 😊
Living together will help formalize my feelings and is a good test run for marriage. If we move closer towards marriage then of course we will get a joint account for bills/shared expenses but for now we’re good. My brother drafted an agreement which we both signed.

We are both really excited for this next step 😌

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Congrats and thanks for sharing. As your sudo big brother I am really happy for you.

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Maybe it’s the choice of words, but “charging” your partner sounds weird to me, maybe I’m old fashioned but if I were to live in the apartment anyway regardless of him moving in I would just ask him to buy groceries here and there or pay for fees/maintenance once in a while, and he would pay for our dine-outs anyway. Having some sort of “charges” or agreements seems very transactional and would kill the romance (at least in my book).

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You know what's going to kill the romance... the inevitable resentment of feeling taken advantage of because I'm paying for more than what's fair.

I'd suggest having a conversation with the BF about what the cost if living in the apt is as a whole.

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Find out what it would cost to rent a similar apartment in your area, and charge him half of that. Maybe with a small discount.

Two scenarios:
1. You guys break up, in which case you aren't out of pocket the money he should have paid
2. You guys marry, in which case you two are no better or worse off if he had paid $0 or $10k a month

likefunny

This is not it - only potential to breed resentment as if you’re trying to squeeze money it of him as it’s not as if you would’ve rented it out if he weren’t in the picture.

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I agree with Accenture 1. Over and out!

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You should charge him the fair market value with a slight discount. What does half of whatever similar Apts rent for? Then take off like 10-20%.

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No... do not do this 😂

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Go 50/50 on everything.

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I would recommend a checking account that you use to pay all apt expenses. Both of you would contribute into it And apt expenses get paid out of it.

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I say split everything if y’all are living together, otherwise, it’s him living with you for free

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Don’t charge him. Let him move in and see what he would offer.

likefunny

Another thought: is the apartment in your name or in a trust. If it’s in a trust that’s in your name, he’ll have less claim to it

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Yes! A trust that’s in my name.
My brother is going to draft something just to be safe and my boyfriend is totally fine with whatever. He’s so easy going, I don’t know why I was nervous!

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Half of fees and maintenance.

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