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Just because he is stressed doesn’t mean you sacrifice your career. Sounds like your boyfriend needs to learn how to juggle shared responsibilities. He should support you as much as you support him. That is how it works with my wife and I.
OP:
Partners support each other.
You don’t have kids, so you have just this window of time now to focus on *you*: your career, your development needs, your growth.
Provide him with support but you cannot be his only support in life and you have also to get support in return.
If he cannot manage 2 dogs and a job w/o you, then how could he manage more responsibilities in the future?
You should start looking into another BF if he can’t manage a dog (or 2).
Sorry to be harsh but you *are* going to be away a lot in this line of business, even if it just means long hours at the office.
Now if he has a particular health or family issue, that’s different. But just managing the stress of adult life? He should grow up or return to mommy
He'll be fine. Trust me. It'll.make him feel worse if you messed up your job because he needed his hand held.
PTO
I don’t think you should drop everything in your life to go home and take care of the dog. If you guys can’t handle the dog, then find a home where the dog will get enough attention and love. The dog is acting out for a reason.
I know this sounds harsh, but it’s not fair to the dog if your boyfriend is feeling resentful.
I also don’t think the boyfriend is being fair to you, but that’s just based on the little info we know about him.
Regardless- I hope you think about your long term goals and find peace in your decision.
OP, putting everyone and everything in front of yourself puts you in one place- the back. This is going to sound harsh, but if your bf is truly angry with you bc he can’t handle taking care of pets and a new job, he is putting himself WAY before you. Think about what that means if you want something more in the future.
The initial post led me to believe that he was going through the loss of a loved one, job loss, or maybe going through issues with his health... stress over a dog and his work is not something you should be considering compromising your own career over...
Oh, and get a dog sitter
Get a new boyfriend. Keep the dogs
You already got doggy day care and he is still not able to manage the dogs?
The dog that is acting up probably has a good reason.
Sounds like he is that kind of person who needs a lot of attention and sends you on a guilt trip when he doesn’t get it
You have a family emergency, work with your team leads to make it possible to go home.
Crises can hit anytime, whether you’re 5 weeks or 5 years into a job. Do your best to minimize disruption, arrange coverage and help out to the extent you can but find a way to get home and spend the majority of the time on family matters. If your team leads give s ton of trouble over it, you’re probably not going to want to work for them in the longer term. Most will do the right thing though.
If you do take PTO and take care of your bf, be careful about the precedent you are setting. This comes from experience
Find the confidence in yourself to set boundaries. He has to share the responsibilities and even take a heavier load when you are gone. And then when you are home you can pick up the slack and support him.
Speaking from experience. He sounds like a needy person who uses this to control you. Giving you direct or indirect guilt trips. Making you cry. Been there. Run run far away. ATK1 is right - get new BF, keep the dogs.
Seriously. This could be the tip of the iceberg for an emotionally abusing situation.
Hi OP. Male here. And a loving boyfriend (and now fiance) of many years. My partner and I have had this talk periodically about whether or not I'm there for her. We're at a point where were just kind of used to it and enjoy the free vacations. But we also have a rule that we talk to each other for at least a few minutes every night. Even if it's just to check in. It's a very difficult balance sometimes and the day will probably come when we have kids that I decide it's time to move on. But I the meantime she wants me to keep doing what I do because she knows I have a better job than most people my age could even ask for.
I'm not going to rush to judgement and call your boyfriend emotionally abusive based on this single anecdote. But I will say you sometimes need to draw a line in the sand. Your job requires you to travel and sometimes it's ok to ask to work remotely for a week or two. But you need to be the judge of when you should make that request. My initial thought was that he had some kind of crisis going on, but taking care of dogs and a new job is not a crisis. That's life. I've felt bad before about how much less I see my partner. But she puts a positive spin on it that we both get our own time to wind down Monday through Thursday and the weekend is ours to enjoy together.
Now it's different for everyone but if you seriously consider changing your career path, you need to be sure that if your roles were reversed he would do the same for you. I don't know the guy. You do.
He’s stressed taking care of the dogs and handling his new job. One of the dogs is acting up and I know he is mad that I’m not there to help. I almost think I should start looking into other careers
Agreed with D1. I am away Mon - Thurs, so that means the weekends are my time to take everything I can off my wife’s plate and help her. A relationship is about compromise.
OP, if your bf can’t handle 2 dogs and a new job, leave.
Being with someone is about partnership and he obviously is not a good partner. Imagine having children or going through loss of a loved one with him. Do you want this kind of life forever?
It will hurt temporarily, but will be the best thing that happens to you in the long run.
Trust me. I’ve been there.
Rule of thumb - be with someone who makes you happy and feel good about yourself - your look, your personality, your career, everything
OP obviously I don’t know the details of your relationship but when you start blaming yourself, sacrificing yourself, it becomes a very slippery slope towards emotional abuse. Sometimes it’s really hard to see from the inside because you care about the other person. None of us can give you the answer but the more information you are sharing the more I think you may have a serious issue. Please be careful