My boyfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me over the phone. Please say something. I’ve been throwing up and bawling. I literally feeling like I can’t breathe. Like my chest is spasming so much that I can’t get air in my lungs.

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I'm so sorry to hear that! The intensity of your physical reaction is a reflection of how badly you're hurt. I can relate to your pain, as I experienced very similar symptoms a few years ago when my ex parted ways. I lost my appetite, experienced stomach pains, felt a tightness in my chest for weeks in addition to a sense of anger, disappointment, hurt and sadness. Life felt very dull and pointless. I was told I needed to surround myself with loved ones, partake in activities I enjoy, and keep myself occupied/engaged so I could stop ruminating on the breakup. Ultimately, I don't think any of that helped much. The only thing that helped was the passage of time. Time healed. It wasn't easy. But fully embracing my deepest feelings of hurt and sadness was what really helped me get a sense of closure and move on from this entire heartbreak.

Our capacity to love leaves us vulnerable to a sense of abandonment and betrayal. I hope you're able to find peace and move on to better things in life. I don't know if any of my words will make a difference, but I truly feel your pain and only wish the best for you!

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Just got broken up with myself …. How are you doing ? What are some tips ? I dont want to sleep knowing that tomorrow will be another day of misery

I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you. When we attach to someone, their love and affection feeds us. When they withdraw, it’s shocking. And especially shocking when it happens by phone, since that person can’t be there to witness our expression and see the tears of pain we’re crying and give us a hug, all things that might lighten the blow.

You’ve had a shock to your nervous system and brain, and the feel-good dopamine neurotransmitter decreases as does the bonding neurotransmitter, oxytocin. So please be gentle with yourself. Reduce your expectations of what you’ll accomplish for a bit. Let yourself rest as much as possible. Grieve the loss by writing your thoughts in a journal. Reach out to supportive friends. And it’s like you’ve literally had the wind knocked out of you. See if you can slow down your breathing and make your exhales longer than your inhales. That sends a signal to your brain to relax.

With patience and lots of self-love, I trust things will shift and you’ll get through.

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That’s awesome that you have already set up a support system via therapy. In my experience, online coaching can also be incredibly helpful. The difference I noticed between coaching vs therapy was that the coaching was a lot more interactive and hands on vs traditional therapy. The service I used was relationship hero and they were amazing. Absolutely don’t want to discourage the traditional therapy route or overwhelm you with options…just wanted to share my experience. Good luck with things this weekend! Feel free to message me directly if you ever would like someone to talk to!

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I’m so sorry to hear that OP. I hope things get better. DM me if you want to chat

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I second that. Im around if you want to talk. Hang in there, OP.

I know the feeling. Reach out to friends now so that they can comfort you in the morning and just let yourself cry it all out for now because it will feel like the tears never end. I’m sorry he didn’t have the decency to tell you in person.

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This too shall pass.

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Thank that guy! He wasn’t the one for you and so he did you a favor by breaking it off instead of wasting your time. He just freed you up to eventually find someone better, so you can have a better relationship with someone who fully and unambiguously wants you and a life with you, 100%.

The anguish you feel now will definitely get better. In fact, this is likely the worst you’ll feel about it. It will get easier and you will heal and be happy. For now, focus on the other things in life that bring you joy and make you happy.

Also maybe check our Mark Groves (@createthelove on Instagram). Might be helpful.

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Thank you, I just followed his page

Do you have any friends near by? Go to them, call them at a minimum.

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Call them anyway

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It may not feel like it in this moment, but somewhere out there right now is the next wonderful adventure for you, just waiting to be found.

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It's his loss!!! You are amazing and smart and a talented and clearly have so much love to give. He is not deserving. It's time to start loving yourself and find someone better! Sending you so many hugs. You got this!

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This is actually what he said. We have had a rollercoaster relationship due to his emotional responses to events and bad news that have happened to him (unrelated to me). He eventually said he loves me too much and can’t bear to be the one to cause me pain when the next bad thing happens to him (rn he’s going through a tough time) and he doesn’t have the maturity to get help from a therapist.
I feel like I poured so much into this relationship as I always forgave him and always gave him 100%, and now I feel like I’m walking away with less than what I had before going in.

I am very sorry OP. Take care.

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I felt like this when my ex-fiancé ended our 2.5 year relationship. My world collapsed and the first weeks were really hard. One day, I looked in the mirror and I didn’t look like the real me. I thought “he’s not worth all this turmoil in my life and me not looking like myself and feeling like myself!”. After that day, things got easier. It was still tough, but it got easier every day. This was over 20 years ago and I can tell you right now that had we stayed together, I would have been MISERABLE! I found out a few things about him that he hadn’t told me and that I would not want to be around. Just wanted to give you some perspective from someone who had this happen a long time ago and how much better my life turned out without him in it!

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I’m so sorry! This is very painful but please know that the pain is temporary. You’ll be okay. Feel free to DM if you want to chat about it.

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How to get over your ex podcast by Dorothy Johnson. Start with episode 1 and work your way through. Absolutely life changing, I promise. Got me through a terrible breakup.

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Thank you, I will check it out. I also just signed up for therapy.

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Why did he break up? Sometime things like this are a wakeup call

I'm sorry ...

It will get better.

Natasha Adamo’s blog has saved me and comforted me so many times when faced with this very feeling. Check her out her site- especially some of the older articles. I’ve been here and understand your pain- unfortunately there is no magic pill to make this better but please also reach out to your friends, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself more than anything :)

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