{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My close friend has failed the bar for a second time. This comes as a true shock for them. I know they have a very close family support system that’s local/ they are in good hands for mental health. They have not reached out, at what point do I? (It’s only been a day) / how can I support them?", "post_id": "5f4eaac48e91b0001fd2792e", "reply_count": 8, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "5da60c126e5f0d001f32f497", "bowl_name": "Women in Law" }

My close friend has failed the bar for a second time. This comes as a true shock for them. I know they have a very close family support system that’s local/ they are in good hands for mental health. They have not reached out, at what point do I? (It’s only been a day) / how can I support them?

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The first time I failed, I got a lot of “but you’re so smart!” and “I know so many people who have failed multiple times and they’re great lawyers” and I found these comments to be more annoying than helpful. When one of my friends failed, I reached out the next day with a quick text “bummed to hear the news, I was rooting for you but am rooting for you for next time. I know it f’in sucks and will take a few more weeks of studying, so I’m here if you ever want to vent. There’s always coffee to help, too. (& included a Starbucks gift card with my text).

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I failed the bar once and passed the second time as well..though I’m not in the same position I think I can help! Its really hard but I think as a friend the best thing you can do is encourage them and tell them about how strong and capable they are (preferably give examples) cause I imagine they are probably feeling insecure about their abilities as a lawyer

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Don’t tell them that Michelle Obama took the bar twice. That’s what happened with me and it made me crazy. Luckily I passed the second time. It’s hard but listening rather than trying to problem solve helped me get through that time.

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Maybe don’t say anything at all. Just be there to listen and uplift if/when they bring it up with you. That’s what I would prefer.

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Honestly the best responses I got were a “let me know if you need someone to vent to”

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This! Totally this!

I failed the first time and passed the second. Honestly, no one can truly say the right thing because It just sucks. There’s nothing else to it. BUT doing something thoughtful can show you care and support them. Friends offered to take my dog on practice test days, dropped off a meal, someone sent a staples gift card, or even just a simple coffee date for a 20 minute break to feel normal again was perfect. For me the most supportive thing was when they took something off my plate so I didn’t have to think about it.

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I wouldn't reach out until they reach out to you or make a social media post about it. I am not a first time passer, and it irked me when people asked me how I was doing or asked if I passed (if they didn't look on the pass list). If your friend needs someone to vent to or needs a listening ear, they will reach out.

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