My creative partner is being unnecessarily touchy-feely. Besides touching my arms to get my attention, he touches my waist when passing behind me and keeps hugging me for no good reason.

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Next time he does anything that makes you uncomfortable, tell him firmly that you don’t care if “that’s just how you are” but how I am is - I don’t want to be touched, kissed, hugged at work. Follow up in an email and suggest that if any part of your conversation was unclear, you’re happy to involve HR if you need to, if he needs to better understand what behavior is appropriate in the workplace. Reiterate that you enjoy working with him (I’m guessing this is the case since you didn’t specify otherwise) but that his behavior is unacceptable.

likehelpful

Publicis Media 1, you are wonderful!! 🙏

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This came to mind again and it’s pissing me off all over again. If you need help prepping for this conversation, DM me. I’ve been through this and there are some things I’m glad I did and some things I wish I’d done differently. Biggest piece of advice: practice saying your piece out loud. And practice how to reply to his responses. For example - if you know he’s going to say something about you overreacting, practice saying: “I don’t care if you think I’m overreacting, or if other women are okay with you doing this. I’m not. If you need a refresher on what is appropriate behavior in the workplace, we can go together and talk to HR right now.” Actually saying the words out loud and practicing by yourself helps get that knot out of your throat when it’s time to say the words to him.

likesmarthelpful

👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻 YES

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The fact that it’s upset you enough to reach out is a good indicator that something’s not right. Not to mention the actual time spent discussing it or fielding excuses when your energy could and should be focused on the work. Trust your gut. Don’t be made to feel it’s you. Don’t be gaslighted. Don’t brush it off. This person needs boundaries and is out of line. You’d be doing him and your colleagues a huge favor by telling him it’s not ok. Give him a chance to make it right. Continue to get support from those who “get it”. Worst case scenario create a paper trail; start taking notes, keep a calendar, write down details;dates,places it occurred, people you spoke with. Report it to HR. You won’t be sorry and will have a record of it if you need it down the line. It may sound like overkill or paranoia. The reality is this is often times how it starts. Take back your power. Take care of yourself. It’s not you. #metoo

likehelpfuluplifting

This is sexual harassment- he’s in your personal space and you’ve effectively said “no.”
You’ll have to escalate it to HR. And I bet a few other women will thank you for it if he does it with others.
Personally, I’d have a hard time being diplomatic after the first time. It’s not acceptable- you don’t want him touching period. This has #metoo written all over it

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Boy bye

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God this makes me so mad just reading it. “Just the way I am” NO, asshole, you do not get to decide that for the rest of the world. Ugh

likefunny

So what did you wind up doing?

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I spoke with him and told him he needed to stop with this shit. He got very uncomfortable and promised he would. His good behaviour lasted for a week so far. But it don’t think he’s able to change.

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Not ok, especially since you’ve told him you’re uncomfortable.

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This is controlling behavior. Telling you to just accept it is him asserting his will on you and a load of bull. I would tell him that exactly.

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And if he rolls his eyes at this or brushes you off, remind him that’s also a form of control and he needs to look a lot deeper at himself and why he acts this way. Why does he need you to respond the way he wants? You have boundaries, he should respect them. End of fucking story.

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—> He kisses me on my hair when he hugs me. I’ve asked him to stop multiple times. He keeps saying that it’s just the way he is with everybody. He was doing this to his previous female partner. She didn’t like it but wasn’t making a big deal out of it. He thinks I’m massively overreacting.

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Kissing in the head is not typical workplace behavior. Over the line.

Omg nooooo

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No no no no no. That’s just another form of bro culture.

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Gross. Touching your waist? Eeew. Next step is a “harmless neck massage.” Nip that shit in the bud.

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Ew.

uplifting

What???? Why????
Has he not been paying attention to THE WORLD that that s*** will no longer be tolerated???????
That s*** will get you fired????
This isn’t the 80’s....
🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

helpful

Well, the thing is, this particular kind of shit won’t get anyone fired. Not really. Two thirds of the known predators, rapists, and abusers still have their jobs and still judge international shows. Women still get in trouble for complaining. A man who holds his hand on your shoulder for one second too long knows that he’s not in any kind of real danger.

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Nope. Report this so there is a documentation trail. If he has done this to other women as well he has a pattern of actively creating a hostile work environment for women and needs to go

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Oh no... I'm not a creative--how difficult is it to switch partners?

Pretty difficult, yes.

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Go to HR

Agree this is creepy and inappropriate behavior.

However real talk, is it not ok to touch someone’s arm or shoulder? I am very soft spoken and sometimes lightly tap people to get their attention because they often have headphones in or don’t hear my voice if they aren’t listening for it.

Totally would! No one has mentioned it before. I am just being hyper sensitive and putting it out there just in case!

Can you tell him you like more personal space in a friendly way? In reality I think just having a real conversation is the best place to start rather than filing a report with HR.

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