My dad and I love each other - but he can be an ahole quite often. Stingy / cheap, emotionally immature, tactless, and he thinks he’s wonderful. He still is a caring parent, but he’s in his 50s and won’t change himself. How do I not allow his ahole words to hurt my feelings? I’m trying to grow a thicker skin, but it’s so annoying and I think about the audacity of what he says frequently.

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What are some of the ahole things he does ?

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It’ll always hurt because it’s your parent. You can assert yourself or distance yourself when his behavior becomes intolerable.

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Thank you. I keep thinking “not my circus not my monkeys” when he does something stupid.

Sorry to hear this. As someone who also loves her flawed parents, I think I understand where you’re coming from.

I would imagine you’ve tried having an open and honest conversation with him—communicating that you love and care about him, and that you sometimes feel hurt when he does xyz. If nothing changes, try accepting his flaws and shortcomings, and not expect the things you mentioned he lacks (generosity, maturity, and tactfulness). After all, he is your father who you love and loves you.

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Thanks M1. We’ve had these conversations but he’s very defensive, and I do tend to have a hot temper myself. I need to work on being less sensitive and taking these things in stride.

My dad is this + was abusive to my mom and us. Haven’t spoken to him in 10 years and have peace of mind. Can’t allow toxic people in my space

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I think you’ll need to say something like this: “Dad, if we’re going to spend more time together, you’re going to have to be less of an asshole”. Be prepared with numerous examples. If you’re calm about the presentation, I think he’ll get it.

Parenting is tough, and it’s really a shame so many people suck at it. Wife and I somehow managed to make a great team and raised three terrific now adult kids - all very different too.

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Your dad is your dad, he’s moving up in age and has basically earned the right to be who he is and what he wants to be.

Say your peace and move on. Emotions can be controlled.

My dad told me long ago, never let anyone use your toothbrush. You won’t let anyone use your toothbrush because it’s icky and it’s an unhealthy habit why would you let someone use and abuse your personality.

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