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Chief
OP, I am the granddaughter, daughter, sister, and twice ex spouse of alcoholics. There is nothing you can do to have him reckon with his illness. Interventions don’t work. He has to suffer the consequences of his drinking and choose to get healthy on his own. It’s a lot of work. No one can do it for him.
I’d suggest you find an Al Anon group near you. Al Anon is for family members of alcoholics. Alcoholism is a family disease.
You can’t take on the responsibility for his disease or protecting your mother. If you do, it will bite you in the ass.
Your job is to look at your life, see how it’s impacting you, and develop healthier boundaries to keep yourself safe and healthy.
Chief
Long and hard earned lesson on that one. Took me 2 marriages to “get it.”
Pro
at the point where I’m considering writing a serious letter to him, and actually even to his physician (idk if this is even legal or like okay to do but I’m going to do it). What else can I do?
It’s absolutely legal to communicate TO someone’s physician, knowing you’ll get nothing in return.
Hmm I don’t know enough but sounds like he’s an alcoholic. From experience, if a family member thinks it’s a problem, it’s usually worse than what they imagine. Perhaps you could convince him to attend an AA meeting and see how it goes?
Pro
It took my dad one very painful pancreatitis experience and five days in the hospital for him to stop drinking. He was dry for about 3 years and now has one beer a day. It’s still more than I think he should drink, but he gets checked regularly and his numbers are good. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. I think it’s worth a shot to express your concerns, but just keep reasonable expectations. Most people can’t stop a vice like that until something dramatic happens
Join the Addiction & Sobriety bowl on here, they have great advice and support.
He is an alcoholic. If you want to help him, and yourself, go to Alanon.
Pro
My mom is an alcoholic but nothing will convince her of this or her need to stop or slow. Im so sorry.
My dad, grandfather, great grandfather are/were all alcoholics. Nothing to be done about it. It’s bad for them but makes them happy; interventions will only strain your relationship.
Great great grandfather was as well