{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My dad is a bit financially strict (borderline financially abusive) to my mom, so I want to set up a way to give her allowance money regularly on the DL. Would this be best done by setting up a credit card account for her? Or a separate checking account to which I deposit money every month? How would you do it? TIA!", "post_id": "6094a92fe9dabc00218ff99f", "reply_count": 35, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "59064a3cb12379001006592c", "bowl_name": "Personal Investment Chatter" }

My dad is a bit financially strict (borderline financially abusive) to my mom, so I want to set up a way to give her allowance money regularly on the DL. Would this be best done by setting up a credit card account for her? Or a separate checking account to which I deposit money every month? How would you do it? TIA!

likehelpful
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Set up a checking account for your mom and help her understand how debit cards are used online and at shops if she is not familiar. Also, guide her through ATM use. Talk to your dad without bringing up that you do not approve of his financial practices when it comes to your mom. Just convey that you would like to add a little extra for mom so she can spend it on herself and your parent's home. Everyone's family is different and there are cultural aspects too (the bad side of some cultures). Don't expect people to understand your situation. Do what you can but be careful not to aggravate the discord. God bless you for looking out for your parents.

like

I use Venmo to add money to my mom’s bank account but she already had a checking account set-up so just had to download Venmo and such. You could add her to one of your credit card accounts and would help her build credit but you would also be on the hook if she spends a lot. And if dad found credit card he might lose it thinking it was her card, her explaining it was your acct might also back fire.

Recent IconRecent

I don’t agree with people who are suggesting you don’t help your mom. My mom is in the same situation. I see her once in a year and I leave her enough cash so she is not dependent on my dad. My dad kind of suspects that I help her financially but he is scared of me to say something. He doesn’t bother my mom about it. It has taken a load of stress off of my mom. They have stopped bickering about money and that has made their relationship better.

like

TPM1 - dude/dudette, you are not weird family but typically Indian family. Not the allowance part but rest is same for me too. The difference is that my dad annoys me with “don’t spend on us” to the point that it enrages me and ruins the whole experience of me taking them on trips. I came very close to just tearing/burning $100 bills in front of him out of rage. Wish he was not that annoying (wrt to my spending on them) and i was more patient. I love my dad too much and i always feel guilty after snapping at him.

like

Have you discussed the issue with your dad? How will he react if he finds out? There is a decent chance he will

likehelpful

Genuine question, why do you need to get involved? This is their marriage / relationship, not a family issue if you’re an adult who has moved out.

like

CD1- that is true and that's why I wrote "often" in my response. I don't think generalizations are healthy but there's a reason *certain* stereotypes exist. I can tell you that as an immigrant, I often feel that my parents struggles are my own. My *white* fifth-generation american husband is finally coming around to the fact that we're a tribal culture and my parents, siblings and I are a unit just as much as he and I and our kids are. It's often a difficult concept for people not from our culture to understand.

Maybe you can use crypto

likefunny

So mom will first have to learn how use. Eventually she will get bored of trying and give up!! Then she will like your dads way of working 😂😂

like

Setting up a separate credit card or account for her may not be great if you are trying to keep it a secret. There are situations where she would have to disclose it like if your parents go to refinance or get a car loan, basically any time her credit is checked, or if she dies and he needs to collect her assets. Also the credit card co. or bank may mail things to her house like statements, new cards, and offers for existing customers that will give away that she has an account. Maybe just open a checking account in your name but give her the debit card and she can go to an atm and take money out when she wants? She could also use the debit card to buy things online.

likesmart

Give her gifts, gift certificates and give your Dad some too.

like

That’s a brilliant idea. My dad would never take money from me (too much pride) but I do send him gifts as well. I don’t agree with the financial dynamics between my parents but I also understand my dad came from a place of non-privilege. We all have our demons to fight.

like

Possible to go to the bank and help her set up a personal account? I don’t know the rules of marriage, not married. Otherwise give her a credit card or debit card attached to your account with her name on it. That way it’s not technically “hers” in the case that she might have to declare it to your father in some instance. I’m from a traditional culture and my dad is very controlling toward my mom about money so I totally get it. It may not be something that can be fixed with conversation.

like

If the mom is an “authorized user” of OP’s credit card it will still show up on mom’s credit report so dad could find out if they apply for a loan together or something. Or if he asks if she has a secret credit card and she doesn’t lie. If OP just gives mom a debit card to an account in OP’s name, it’s not mom’s account so mom wouldn’t be lying if she denied having a secret account.

I’ve done this for my mom and added an additional user to one of my current personal cards and gave her that credit card.

like

I'm doing the exact thing for my mom. ❤️

Mm I would try communication first. The CC is a good idea after communication

A preloaded card in her name or a checking account. When applying for a loan or anything they don’t necessarily have to disclose everything. I have 4 accounts at BofA and only one was used for my recent refi. Or just straight cash (moms love cash). Moms hide money from their husbands all the time.

Make a separate checking account in your name, give her the card. Sometimes moving silently is best.

Related Posts

Hi fish, I got an verbal offer during interview with MD at Goldman this Friday. MD generally confirmed my visa status and talked about title and potential package I could expect. Completed Compensation Questionnaire and had a 15 mins call with Fragomen before interview with MD. May I know what should I expect for the next step and the timeline I should expect? Thanks fish!

like

Flight from LAX to BOS delayed AGAIN #&@!?&!

like

I asked the waitress at my hotel bar what time her shift was ending so we could hang out, and she shut me down. I think she did so because I was wearing my MAGA hat. How many points should I demand?

like

Given a choice between a mid-tier Low COL city and manhattan, which office would you prefer based out of? Love NY but with all the constant travel, would it be worth it?

like

If I make my home look like a W hotel, will it be an easier transition between home and the road??? Lol

like

When you track your travel expenses, do you include booked (and paid) travel for NEXT year as a current year expense or a next-year expense? I have separate excel workbooks for 2021 and 2022 but am curious what the norm is!

like

Can anyone in the UK / EU comment on this Delta Plus variant situation? Is it as bad as the international media is making it seem?

like

Any perspective on m&a with regards to the current situation? Is M&A going to be the most hit? What are people and especially people on Visa doing as backup plans?

like

Chase freedom rewards for jan-mar gas+local commuter transportation. Thanks?

like

I haven’t even finished the final round with the company and they are asking my passport for visa purpose already…why do rush? (Not in the states) Also I am in the process with mbb.

like

Hi folks, How much time Accenture takes to get back with written offer after verbal confirmation ? It would be great if someone can share their experiences with timelines from verbal offer to joining date including visa process . TIA,

like

Ever heard “omg how are you single, you are fit, handsome and successful”. Gets on my nerves every time. I would like to be in a relationship but dating as a gay man is wack. All about sex, and the times I’ve caught feelings for a guy it’s not been “exciting” for him anymore as the “chase” is over. Apparently being available is a turnoff. And the comment “come on, you can get whom ever you want”..........

like

Hey guys, which country/city are you’ll booking H1-B visa stamp appointment dates? Are you getting any appointments for this year?

like

1 year and 3 month with two busy season experience, CPA licensed and CFE passed (don’t have two year experience yet), on a visa. What are the chances of me getting in forensic consulting? I’ve been cold calling people around but don’t seem like they are currently hiring.

like

Is it possible to lose weight around the holidays with everything going on (i.e., parties, drinks, travel)? I wish I was serious about my health and fitness earlier this year, sigh. So far I've lost 10 lbs and my goal is to lose 50 more pounds by May.

like

H1B visa 🐠: how do you file your taxes? Visa kicked in on Oct’18 and no I-140 approved yet for context. Can we use TurboTax and the likes or do you use something else?

like

Any tricks to converting your Amex points into gift cards or some equivalent to get a better Amazon conversion? $70 for 10k points seems weak when a lot of the retailers do $100 for 10k.

like

Anybody here apply for a 2nd PPP draw this past week and gotten it? Which lender did you use? Thoughts on womply or SmartBiz (<<<Kabbage is sending folks there). 5/31 is the last day, but Chase...

like

Anyone heard or experienced traveling to and from India from the US on Qatar Airways? Have been seeing online that certain people (such as B1/B2 visa holders) weren’t allowed to board the flight from India. FYI I’ve a stamped H1B visa. Any inputs are appreciated.

like

I have been using Amex Gold Rewards for nearly 10 years now. Should I switch to Chase Sapphire Reserve? What does this community think?

like

Additional Posts

Recommendations on a company/job in consulting? Currently an investigator analyst with Guidehouse for a project that is expected to run through the end of the year. Bachelor’s in Business. Working on CFE and MBA. Prior jobs are in state auditing and criminal investigations. I’m new to consulting but I enjoy it so far and would like to remain remote.

like

Hi fish, I got an verbal offer during interview with MD at Goldman this Friday. MD generally confirmed my visa status and talked about title and potential package I could expect. Completed Compensation Questionnaire and had a 15 mins call with Fragomen before interview with MD. May I know what should I expect for the next step and the timeline I should expect? Thanks fish!

like

I run Butchershop® Global from San Francisco, Guadalajara, LA, NY, and Vienna. Over the last 13 years, we've created a pretty incredible culture and had our best years of growth during the pandemic. I'm here to help answer any questions about running an agency business or swap career advice.

likeuplifting

Any insight on CAIA? Difficulty and whether it impacts salary?

like

As I had mentioned on Mon, we had our 100 point rebound in S&P/ES trades this morning at 3320, up from the 3220 lows on Monday. Technically, we came within 1.5 points of our 50% Half Way Back short, meaning we could drop and sell off towards our 3170 targets. However, market is still green, so it wouldn't be surprising to see a bit more of a rally or a need to test that 3320-3340 level again. Shorts are in play. Watch AAPL for clues as to the rally or failure and the next short leg.

Post Photo
like

Roth IRA eligibility question: I expect my gross HHI this year to be 214k between my wife and I. This is over the Roth IRA limit of 208k. But I’m wondering if by applying the standard deduction of 24k, would that bring us back under the income limit? I’ve already contributed money to my Roth IRA and trying to figure out if I’m going to need to back that out

like

Ladies, any experience and tips for new moms going back to consulting? Is it possible to manage working while putting baby in daycare? And of course, is it possible to stay local?

like

Flight from LAX to BOS delayed AGAIN #&@!?&!

like

I asked the waitress at my hotel bar what time her shift was ending so we could hang out, and she shut me down. I think she did so because I was wearing my MAGA hat. How many points should I demand?

like

Are others seeing nepotism in candidates during recruiting that is counteracting diversity and inclusion efforts? How are you keeping the motivation to continue fighting for equality? Feeling very discouraged right now.

like

I know there has been similar discussion here recently, but how is WSGR PA Corporate's culture? I've been perusing forums and hear really conflicting accounts with some people saying that it's horrible, while others saying it's good. Also, there was talk on people leaving WSGR en masse to other firms (especially Cooly) and WSGR not being in the best place (although that was pre-covid and I guess things might have changed since then). Is it true that WSGR is/was declining?

like

What is salary for deloitte M&A SC in Chicago?

like

Given a choice between a mid-tier Low COL city and manhattan, which office would you prefer based out of? Love NY but with all the constant travel, would it be worth it?

like

WFH is making me more depressed than usual. My work feels more meaningless than ever and everything takes twice as long to get done.

like

If I make my home look like a W hotel, will it be an easier transition between home and the road??? Lol

like

Wondering how much a Partner makes in Big 4 consulting? Is there really that big of a difference at the Partner level compared to MBB (starting 7 figure)?

like

Boss just emailed expecting team to work over weekend. Already spent 60h this week staring at screens WFH. Should I just ignore?

like

Any internship leads/opportunities in Process Industries, or Engineering firms for Chemical Engineering graduates pursuing their MS?

like

What is the promotion cycle in Deloitte? My joining date is on January. Am I eligible for promotion in next year? Can we consider first 1 year as probation period?

like

Didn’t get the interview call from Ross. One school down. 4 more disappointments to go.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal