My dad is acting very arrogant and egotistical in any conversations with my (iA wife’s) parents and it’s off putting for my mom and i as well as their dad. They are now unsure as how can they give their daughter to a family that is already acting up. What do i do to ease them? I don’t live w my parents or even in the same state. I’ve seen how my dad acts and I’ve learned a lot from his behavior (like good things from his good behavior, and what not to do from his bad behavior). Thoughts? 25M

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Try to understand your dad’s [sudden] temperament change. Or has he always been like this? Perhaps he’s uneasy with something and rather than addressing it directly, he is acting out? Agree with P1. Talk to your mom first. Sorry you’re going through this! Good luck!

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Seems like you and your mother need to have a serious conversation with your dad and involve his or her parents if necessary

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I can’t change him, neither can my mom

I think my dad is pretty sensitive and hot headed (good intentions tho) so I’m scared about how he’ll interact with future in laws but I know he’s also not super receptive to criticism. I’d probably have two separate convos, one with my family and one with my future in laws. I’d reassure my in laws and validate their feelings and try to help ease the tension. I’d also talk to my parents about toning it down.

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This is a great idea

Talk to the FFIL. Tell him you’ve noticed what he’s notice and you guys are on the same page. Tell him you’re working in the background to address the issue. This will give the FFIL confidence and it will allow you to tackle daddy without shaming him in front of the world. Now why is daddy acting up? I would say, “who cares?”. Especially since there is no joint family living thing going on.

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SMART

It can be really hard to change our parents... Best you can do is calmly speak to your father and explain everyone's perspective to him in such a way that he doesn't feel attacked.

Try not to comment on his character. Rather, focus on how his actions are making others feel.

When someone feels personally attacked and criticized (even if they deserve it), they instantly shut off and put up barriers. It becomes impossible to continue a conversation so it's important to avoid triggering any hard feelings.

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I agree with this. I would even do it alone (not around your mom) if you can. Also, speak to your in laws alone and acknowledge their feelings and share some of you father’s positive traits as well and reassure them that you will keep their daughter happy

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Why is he being arrogant? Suggestions:
1. Maybe just ask him very nicely and address the issue. Say ‘you understand where he’s coming from but maybe he should consider xyz’
2. Sometimes you also have to involve others to address the point / put pressure if you’re 100% sure your dad is wrong
3. I’m hoping you’re having this conversation in person and not via phone/FaceTime

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