My father loves me very much but he is probably also the most abusive person I know. Him pushing me has opened doors that otherwise would be closed, but it's also poisoned my life experience and left me without the skills to do basic things in the world, like build relationships and get along with people. You'd never guess from talking to me, but I'm in pain

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Where are you from out of curiosity?

My dad is similar, but at this stage I’m able to brush it off and let it go in one ear and out the other. He’s more so just incredibly stubborn as opposed to abusive (I.e, almost killed me when he found out I went to a gay pride parade, which I went to only because of my internship, I’m straight as hell). It was more in high school where it really bothered me.

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Also it's like If my relationship building skills are already bad, how's it gonna work with white people who so often are our bossess, even though they're so different from us. Tricky

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I'm a straight male. East coast. Father is West Indian. C1 I try to brush it off, but it's difficult. His folks weren't there much for him growing up and abusive to him when they were. I don't think he felt much love growing up really. And so he takes everything on his chest. And he's got degrees and he's educated. Gone far. His anger is his armor against the world, and when he's going thru it, he shuts off and his only means of feeling better is to exert control, superiority over me, his closest family member by a long shot. I am 30 now, and I understand it's his issues bubbling up when he lashes out. I still have a long way to go in terms of being over it, building my own identity, separating from this guy's words.

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My mom is an angel. But she’s passive and doesn’t have the energy to put my dad in his place. I have one sister but she’s wrecked and spends so much time trying to please him that she’s lost herself. I normally take my space from him when he gets emotionally abusive whether it be weeks or months because it hard to have a conversation with someone who’s not listening. It’s also important for my mental health to not be influenced by such negative behavior. You have to put yourself first because no one else will. This goes against what we were taught but dealing with toxic family IS a problem that needs to be addressed. It’s probably not ideal but you have to remember that our parents aren’t gonna change. We just have to learn how to work with them.

A lot of people have parents with issues, or have issues as a result of their parents, or have issues as a result of NOT having parents. I don't think this is more common for black ppl, but the exact distribution of issues can vary widely. My advice is to get some therapy, counseling or similar mental healthcare.

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I feel like this is broadly a black thing. Less emotionally plugged in. Kinda numb, more stoic because life isn't easy. It's almost like the world won't let us tap into a certain emotional side of ourselves. And for me it comes back to my family

OP are you a M/F? And when you say relationships do you mean romantic ones?

Therapy, baby. You have a lot to unpack.

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