My friend and I have been friends for the last 11 years or so since we were were 18 and 20. 2 years into our friendship, she started dating a guy but the guy didn’t like me and asked her to stop talking to me and she did. Fast forward, after graduating college we reconnected again. I decided to put everything in the past since we were in our 20s now and more grown up. She was single, I was single everything was great. I went through a really difficult time in 2020 and she completely stopped reac

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Reaching out to me for a while. I was in a lot of pain emotionally but later I did call her out on it. She apologized and all was good. A year later she was in a relationship and I was in one too. But she would only want to hang out w me if we were doing couple things. So we never really hung out as friends. She got married this past summer and I was her maid of honor. She only had 2 friends in her bridal party - me and a guy. She didn’t even have any friends to invite to her wedding. It looked like she sabotaged all her friendships and me and her other friend were the only ‘friends’ left in her life. I went above and beyond to help her, before and during her wedding, to make sure everything went well. I spent more than $2k on her wedding. Now during her wedding weekend, my then bf dumped me . So I was dealing w that while performing maid of honor duties. I didn’t let any part of my break up impact my MOH duties.
Well after her wedding, she completely ghosted me. And I realized that she only used our friendship until she found a man and now that she is all settled in with her life she hasn’t even had the courtesy to reach out to me to ask how I’m doing or even to thank me for all the effort I put in for her wedding.
People are really selfish and they really change. This hurt me but I learned such a valuable lesson. I really hope things work out w her guy because if they don’t, I am not going to be there anymore to support her

Wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening haha

like

your kindness and loyalty got taken advantage of by someone who didn’t deserve you. Sorry you had to go through that, OP. leave that friendship in the past and spend your time and energy on those that actually value your friendship!

like

You are the sort of friend everyone thinks they are but don’t even come close. You will find friends that value your commitment to them, protect and cherish you while helping you draw boundaries so you learn not be taken advantage off. Good for you for being so loving, patient and thoughtful. The world is a better place because of people like you. 🤗🤗

like

You’re a great friend and very patient and understanding. I had a friend like that who became a different person when she got into a relationship/engaged. She isolated me at her wedding, didn’t give me a +1 but everyone else (and I mean everyone) had 1. She also sat me with her husbands childhood friends from his former hometown and not with the friends of hers I knew. It was very odd and I eventually told her how I felt. She apologized but we never rekindled our friendship. Sometimes friends are just meant to be in 1 part of your life. Like a job or romantic partner

like

Oh no EP1 what a shitty thing to do. So sorry to hear that 😞. My friend also made me sit away from her other friend idk why. I was sitting w random people but at least my ex was there. I agree w you. I have given this girl so many chances in the past. Her apology will def feel extremely fake now and I’m not interested investing my time and energy in this

like

You are incredibly kind, patient, and forgiving. Those are great virtues to have.

like

You’re a good friend. I will only note that it’s generally best to believe people the first time they show you who they really are. Nearly every time I have given a second or third chance, I just ended up rediscovering what was previously known to me by their behavior. Most people don’t change all that much.

like

Wow you’re an incredible friend and she sucks. Wow. I’m sorry. BFFs ghosting is one of the most painful feelings because it’s not like an official divorce but it’s just as enmeshed and painful, many times. I’m sorry for what you went through.

like

Thank you everyone. I’m not an incredible friend, I’m just a friend who is doing the bare minimum haha. I really hope my ‘friend’ is able to make some meaningful friendships in her life even if not w me. I think friends are v v v imp

like

"friends"

like

I’d want a friend like you. Don’t let this experience dissuade you from being kind and compassionate to other friends.

like

I’m getting that your friend might be repeating the pattern of her college guy.

If you want to maintain a friendship with her, or even help her out, I’d suggest reaching out to her. Let her know you’re around, and also check if her man is controlling her. A man who tells his wife who she can be friends with is a bad sign.

The other possible explanation for her behavior (few guests at wedding/ghosting) is she is highly introverted and happy to be with just one person. But this could also mean she needs friends to draw her out.

Sounds like you can find better friends then -

White lotus season 3 coming soon

I'd call her out one last time, tell her you are sad she used you, and say, I think our friendship has run its course, best of luck to you. Users will use. She's shown you that you are a friend of convenience.

I was in my mid-twenties when a wise friend said that my definition of friendship was different than another friend's definition. That other friend didn't even fully comprehend that she was being a crap friend. That applies here too! Obviously your friend is mystified and doesn't get it.

As others have said, know that you can and should find kind friends who form truly reciprocal friendships. They are out there. Hugs.

Not worth investing your time and emotions.

Related Posts

Anyone waiting for the 2nd season of indian matchmaking??

like

Paralegal, being harassed by a senior associate. Thoughts on how to handle while being discreet?

like

Date went well until she got so drunk she ended up blacking out/throwing up - clear she’s going through some heavy emotional stuff at home. She’s now saying I deserve better than her, I should run a mile, and that she clearly isn’t in the right mindset for dating. I’ve said that’s fine, but I still like her (maybe foolishly). How to play it? Should I come back soon?

like

Senior colleague keeps low-key flirting with me. I have a boyfriend, but I kinda like it.

like

New relationship: told my gf that I would be upset if she kissed girls while she was drunk, she told me she would never date a girl. She got pissy then said she's tired and that we could have a conversation about boundaries tomorrow. Wtf? Is it wrong to not want to share your woman regardless if it's with other women? Am I in the wrong here?

likefunny

I crave a super emotionally intimate sexual connection but when an emotional connection progresses, I run away before we get to intimacy 🤡

likefunny

I'm going to be transplanting soon - what is the dating scene like? Late 20's M - Moderate - into fitness and mostly normal lol.

likefunny

I married someone less intelligent than me who I found very physically attractive. As we age, and he changes, how do I preserve and adapt the relationship? I love him very much, and he is a great man (kind, smart, highly-educated, fun, more). My eyes wander, and I’m newly realizing my superficiality vs. friends.

Am a woman open to advice from all. But curious to learn from men with direct experiences or indirect experiences from their friend groups (vs. just thoughts on the matter).

likefunny

Met this guy on a dating app and we've been texting for the last couple days. When deciding when to meet, he seems to be willing to change all his plans with friends or work to meet as soon...

Should I go for a 31 mile trail run in the rain for the experience, or stay in bed? 🤔

like

My friends and I when we go out

Post Photo
funnylike

I’m going through a bit of rough spell. In a job that I don’t really enjoy ; struggling to find love and find it really hard to make new friends. I’m making a conscious effort on all these areas . . .

like

I have a student with autism. He is mostly behavioral and at a lower learning level so he has to be in a separate classroom. We try to let him play with the students at recess or join in class parties. He has a sibling that attends school as well. When we were waiting in car line a group of girls talked about how they feel so bad for the sibling because of my student. Thankfully, neither student or sibling heard. But how do I respond to that as an adult? Especially, if they do hear?

like

So let’s say if someone’s father / very close relative was very high up in the government of India in Delhi. How does that person go about leveraging his / her relationships, legally, to do something in India? Would you rather do that or stay in the US in consulting?

like

Over a week ago my long distance (ex)bf (US) and I (NL) broke up. I was ready to move to US for him and get married; he’d never want to move to NL. I couldn’t accept that: I needed to know it could still be an option to live in NL in the future, if that became necessary due to my family situation. He ruled it out because pay is lower here, though we’d still be super comfortable financially (top 1-5%). Is money the key driver in such decisions, even in consulting? Did I do right by breaking up?

like

I just moved to the city. Any dating do’s and don’ts? I’m not American and not sure if there are cultural things I should avoid

like

Who uses Plickers? Thoughts? Are the kids required to have a computer? What alternatives have you used that don’t use a computer?

like

Estimated divorce finalization in 3 months, folks. I'm over the moon.

like

Would anyone married/engaged kind enough to talk for few minutes? I'm struggling with my relationship and wants to see how others have gone through the process before getting engaged/married.

like

Has anyone had any luck using ‘The League’ dating app? I’m a 29yo woman based in Houston.

like

More Posts

How would you rank these?

Post Photo
like

Hey Fishes,
I got an offer for Senior Software Engineer with 5 YOE at PepsiCo for Hyderabad location.

Please let me know how is the technical development environment at PepsiCo. I couldn't find any review of the same.


@PepsiCo

Anyone here did the CRA Korn Ferry cognitive and behavioral test?

like

Has anyone done or pursing Phd ERP at IISc? If so, any advise on getting a Prof advisor from IISc? Like best way to contact them and does all of them entertain ERP candidates. I am looking for EE, CSA, ECE and CDS departments

like

I got two offers one is of 33LPA fixed(42LPA CTC) from Goldman Sachs for Banaglore location and other one is of 10 million yen from PayPay(3 years young company) for japan location and they are also providing visa sponsorship.

can anyone please help me to choose which one is better?

like

What should be a salary range for a lead RPA UIpath developer in market . Total IT experience 15 years . Skills : UIpath+Celonis+process mining + Java + REST

like

I am, currently, in Northeast Ohio. Does anyone have a recommendation for Resume Services? I have seen a few that cost a considerable amount. I need affordable help tweaking my CV. I have a lot of experience but, am obviously not explaining myself well. Please consider that I am lower middle class. I would like to get to the next level but, can't currently spend the "affordable" $150/hr. Thank you, in advance, for any help.

like

I initiated meet up several times, even planned a hike with my date, but my date has never proactively made plans with me. Is it a clear sign of no interest?

like

Struggling with a potential opportunity - I’ve been at my current agency for about 7 months, and I’m indifferent to the job - don’t hate the work, but don’t love it either. My old CW partner is asking me to interview for another agency and a possible promotion if I make the jump. But I don’t want to screw over my current team/not sure if 7 months on a gig looks bad. Any thoughts or opinions?

TLDR: possible job opportunity but possible cons for leaving current job

like

How do you deal with breakups while drowning in work? My SO left me because of the hours I’m billing, and I feel like I have no time to grieve but I can’t focus on work either.

like

Does EY contribute full to EPF or Some in EPF & Some in EPS?

like

After I joined tcs as lateral, I got pulled into an account but i didn't start working in any project till now..Its 2 month now. And probation period is of 3 months.i am worried about the confirmation of probation period.Can anyone help me with my query ?

like

I have recently started working for a company doing Java for transitions to upgrade. I also do their website/e-commerce/web app/3 different servers/and help/ keep machinery running and I am their Cad engineer. For less than 95 a year to be closer to home I agreed to Cad and Java the rest was dumped on me after starting. Any advice

like

For those who are currently using Hootsuite, is there a better way to get a summary overview of all platform performance? It’s difficult to analyze from a broader view when everything’s broken out by separate boxes and platforms.

I am currently working in Tcs as a python developer having 2+ yoe. My last working day is 30th of November. Can you please refer me if you have any opening for skills - Python,Django,Sql,Aws,HTML,CSS,Javascript,PostgreSQL,MongoDB. Any help would be much appreciated.

First week as a Senior Consultant. Anyone in a similar position willing to navigate these befuddled waters together?

like

Does D have visual studio subscription and ms office package? How can I choose my laptop accordingly?

likefunny

Does fisher do signing bonuses? Also a dumb question but I'm new to this area of law, does fisher run conflict checks?

like

How much do you think it's ok to have redundancies in product, and how do you handle getting rid of some for the sake of others? Do you phase out? Swap? Keep both for a while?

like

Additional Posts in Confession

Does anyone have really bad anxiety and brain fog on Mondays even after a quiet weekend? I feel like it’s my brain and body telling me I’m burn out but don’t know how to fix it

like

Would you take a billion dollars with the catch that at some unknown point in your life you will be attacked and harmed by a full sized gorilla?

funnylike

If I am vaccinated and go to a bar or house party where other people are all maskless, I don’t think I should be shamed by PC friends the day after who say you are putting others at risk even though I don’t really put anyone at risk outside of the idiots taking a much larger risk unvaccinated at these superspreaders (live alone, home gym, order all meals and/or grocery, masked up all other places)

likefunny

For the past 2 years I’ve felt like a shell of my former self. I know that I can be a good communicator, organized and hard-working etc. but I feel like I’ve lost all motivation to try. It’s really impacting my job performance as I am not able to be proactive anymore. It’s also affecting my self confidence as I feel like I’m not useful to my team. It’s hard to find motivation since it feels like a vicious cycle. Also feeling very self conscious applying for new jobs knowing I am like this :(

like

I am so much happier dating someone who is less focused on looks and more focused on everything else.

likeuplifting

I’m not sure if I don’t actually care about my job/team/company or if it’s the time of year, but I’m literally putting in about 10% effort right now and I don’t see it getting better even after the holidays.

like

Just hooked up with the 10th different woman so far this month. Feeling different 🥶

likehelpful

How many of you here are divorced? How long did your marriage last and what was the straw that broke the camel’s back?

like

At times I'm jealous of copywriters. At every shop I've been to, ADs are asked to do more jobs like animating & video editing on top of the usual concepting, design, comps, decks, presenting, & idea writeups while it seems the skills stay the same for CWs. It feels worse knowing there are good pro animators/editors/photographers looking for jobs. I'm sure there are CWs being asked to do additional jobs, I don't want to discount their struggles. Just needed to vent.

like