My friend just passed away from COVID and she wasn't vaccinated. I feel like I can't truly grieve because people keep asking if she was vaccinated and the general consensus is that it was her own fault. I hate that we have lost a sense of empathy in this country. I am vaccinated btw...

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It stinks that she died, but my sympathy is for the people who did everything right and are suffering (nursing home residents (in the early days), doctors and nurses and EMTs treating patients in the early days, vaccinated folks who get hospitalized, mental health / depression from quarantining, etc.).

I just don’t have any emotional energy / compassion left to give to people who aren’t vaccinated and suffer.

likefunnysmart

C1 Forbes says there’s no legitimate medical reason to not get the vax…

https://www.forbes.com/sites/victoriaforster/2021/08/19/what-are-the-medical-exemptions-for-not-getting-a-covid-19-vaccine/?sh=36a1d0ea44c5

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You can grieve and accept that it is the person’s own fault. They’re not mutually exclusive.
A buddy from HS died in a drunk driving accident. It was 100% his fault, and I grieved, and I was thankful he didn’t hurt anyone else.
Remember, grieving and rituals like funerals, are for the living and not the dead.

likesmart
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The loss of a friend no matter the cause is for grief. You shouldn’t let others opinions have any impact on your feelings.

I am sorry for your loss and hope in time you will find peace.

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Jesus Christ. The girl died and upon hearing that, they think it’s appropriate to say “it was her fault because she wasn’t vaccinated”?! I’m also vaccinated but seriously, wtf is wrong with those people? That’s not something you say to a person who just suffered a loss.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Take the time to grieve. And honestly, if you chose to respond something t like “what is wrong with you? She’s dead and your first response is to insult her? Not a good look”, I’d 100% support you.

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Completely agree KPMG. Like wow, thanks for telling me that my loved one could’ve lived longer if they got vaccinated, didn’t do drugs, didn’t drive drunk, etc. SO helpful, wow, I never thought of that. I’ll tell my loved one you said that… oh wait, I can’t because they’re dead.

Sorry for being petty, but I just can’t stand how cruel some people can be. And they legitimately think their comments are helpful to their loved ones who are grieving.

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If she was vaccinated, she would most certainly be alive today. The truth can be harsh and hurtful.

likefunny

You probably wouldn’t say this to the family and friends face, so you shouldn’t keyboard Warrior it

likesmart

Even if you thought it was her fault, it doesn’t take away from the empathy you can feel for her family and friends, and the sadness you feel for missing your friend. It’s a little similar to how people might react to accidental deaths (wondering whose “fault” was a car accident; whose “fault” was a drowning). Not surprising that strangers would have more curiosity and judgment — but ignore it and focus on celebrating her life and helping her family.

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I’m sorry, but that’s an insensitive question to ask upon hearing that someone has died. You’re right OP that people are only asking this question to judge or just get information that doesn’t help you or present your friend in a good light. Screw these people. You deserve your time to grieve.

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If I were you I would not answer the question about vaccination. Just say “whether she was or wasn’t, it didn’t matter in the end”. That would make me feel like I did something to protect her “image” from people looking to judge her.

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I’m sorry for your loss. It’s not right to ask when someone is grieving. I think sometimes people ask not to place blame, but for affirmation that their decision to vaccinate is giving them that protection.

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Agree. In the midst of a worldwide pandemic, people don’t like knowing that an otherwise young healthy person died. So knowing the person wasn’t vaccinated “helps” people believe the same thing isn’t likely to happen to them. It’s likely asked out of self-serving curiosity, not blame. But, people need to be careful about who they ask. Don’t ask the person’s widow, for example. That’s just mean.

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How many people die of preventable causes every year? Do we say “it was their fault so no tears are warranted”?

OP my heart goes out to you, you lost a friend and regardless of reason it doesn’t make it easy.

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You can grieve until everyone else to pound salt. Doesn't matter how the person died they died. They deserve the respect that they had a life and contributed to those around them.

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I’m sorry for your loss. I can be both sorry that you are hurting and be shaking my head at your friend for failing to do their best to prevent you from this pain.

I always feel for the ones left behind. People being reckless often don’t think of them.

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Yeah, that’s the new question to ask. My daughters lost their grandmother and we always got asked if she was overweight or had other health issues.

I always said it didn’t matter, because it doesn’t. I don’t blame unvaccinated deaths on them, really. Politicians spreading bad info (while privately testing regularly and taking vaccines and otherwise taking it very seriously) are at fault.

I am sorry for your loss.

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I’m sorry you’re going through this. A good friend of mine lost their mom this week. Covid. I suspect unvaccinated based on the crap she keeps forwarding to me. My heart breaks for her for losing her mom. I’d never dream of asking about the vaccination status, because 1) it won’t change anything and 2) I’d probably be even more sad because it seems like such a waste to have had an option to help and not taking it. She was your friend and you have every right to grieve her in a way that works for you. An answer to people asking you might be: it doesn’t matter. Good luck to you.

uplifting

Maybe part of the reason they ask is not to judge, but to gauge their own risk level if vaccinated. That’s why I’d want to know.

I am deeply sorry for your loss.

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Sorry for your loss.

I participate in a number of high risk sports, where death can occur through a variety of reasons. The one constant is that humans have an inherent need to assure their psych that whatever happened to someone else couldn't happen to them. Remember most people are just battling their human subconscious which is begging for rationality as to why someone else died and they didn't.

smart

There are Darwin awards granted every year and we all laugh. This year, there just happen to be millions of candidates

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So sorry for your loss.

That makes the grief even harder to deal with. I’m sorry you’re going through that right now

I am so sorry for your loss. Take some time away from social media and insensitive friends and/or colleagues if you can. You need time to grieve and remember your friend for the great person they were.

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