My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over a year now, and I earn significantly more than she does - I usually pay for groceries, restaurants, holiday flights etc but she cooks and cleans(...)

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I earn significantly more than my BF and I can’t lie, it begins to wear on the relationship. Talk to her if you are staring to feel some type of way otherwise you may begin to resent her 🤷🏼‍♀️

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I don’t think gender matters so much.. if one person in the relationship feels undervalued or like they are pulling more weight talk about what needs to change.. otherwise same sentiments as before

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Yes it’s standard. you are all better at relationships than me and my ex...he was consistently getting angry about spending too much on relationship things 💰 and we’re both consultants so we both have high incomes 🤷🏽‍♀️🙄anyways moral of the story OP if you take steps to resolve this at all then kudos to you for being a high quality adult and I’m sure it will all turn out fine! For some reason money seems like the worlds biggest taboo. if you and your SO are going to last, then you need to learn to talk about finances with each other, regardless of each persons income level

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Well to make things clearer, we are both female. So I guess I'm not really talking about gender roles... but more about do relationships like these work in the long term, and how do people compromise in this position, or whether to comprise at all... is it just generally a better idea to date someone on a similar salary than you?

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We assigned values to our main household duties (cooking dinner every night is = 200 a week in expenses) and then added up all our expenses and tried to make our contribution either financially or house work equal out

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And to add..I don’t think you even have to make the conversation about your income discrepancy if you think she’d be sensitive to that. You could just be like “I have made a goal to put % money in my savings/get more into investing/save up for XYZ. and part of that is figuring out how we can have fun/buy groceries with a limited budget” or something like that.

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And to add D1, She is extremely sensitive - I brought it up yesterday and it caused a huge fight that she knows I earn more and it makes her feel terrible to see me pay for things, but that's why she cleans and cooks... and sometimes she feels like the cleaning lady. Ooppsss that made it awkward af. But we have resolved it now, sometimes it's good to talk about it I guess instead of it bubbling up

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Girlfriend makes a lot less then me and similar situations she does much of the cooking and cleaning. We discussed and came up with a split that works for both of us. Best to discuss and come up with what works best for you "2

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Thanks M1, that's a good idea. P1, was your split financial, non financial or a mix of both?

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D1, that's also exactly what I'm doing. You are on the money - I have a savings account that I don't touch and I deposit into each month, rest is what we can spend. Thanks for that!

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that’s great to hear OP! 🥂 I wish you both the best. Communication is 💯

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I make 3-4x what my husband makes and we just sat down to understand our total disposable income (joint) every month, noted down all monthly expenses, agreed on savings goals and determined who could cover what and what’s left for date nights/vacations, etc. we both consider our money “our” money rather than comparing what I pay vs what he pays. It takes a lot of talking and openness, irrespective of relationship status (or gender roles). But making more (or less) doesn’t require the other partner to be obliged to clean/cook and feel like a maid to make up for the financial shortfall. It’s probably important to sit down and be open about finances AND chores and how to share all responsibilities in a relationship! Good luck!

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Sorry Mck1 but how can you not see how your situation is different? You both make six figures...OPs SO works at a Cafe. OP I'm in your exact situation. Be open, the solution is for you both to be more frugal as a team. My SO and I bout a cookbook (barefoot contessa if you're interested) and have taken to cooking together. I save a ton and we are healthier. Also we have a joint checking account to which we contribute in proportion to our incomes ( I make 68% of our combined income so I'll contribute 68$ when she contributes $32) and we use this card for all shared expenses! Works like a charm because you know both parties are affected equally by each purchase.

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(Continued) significantly more than I do as well as working in a cafe... sometimes I feel like I can't save, but also I'm wondering whether any one has gone through this, and if this is a standard exchange?

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Looks common, but doesn’t mean it’s right 😉 The opposite scenario barely ever happens

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I wish I had a significant other making substantially more than me

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Same situation here (improved now). Ultimately, you need to do what's best for you. Have a candid talk about it, and if they aren't responsive and improving after some time, do what you need to do.

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It almost seems like when you put in gender roles, it’s less complicated! I make significantly less than my husband. I forgot how we split up rent but mine was less. Then he paid for everything else, and I paid for groceries and other household item like cleaning supplies. I also covered vet expenses for the dog. I did get sensitive once when our rent went up and I didn’t think my portion of the increase was fair. We talked about it and he didn’t realize how much I was paying on all my expenses. I just think communication is key.

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Man reading this thread has been an eye opener for me. My SO makes 3-4x what I do and never even mentioned it. We save and spend like it’s all “our” money and have never assigned household chores as a payment. What if she doesn’t LIKE to cook or clean. What if she would be happier if you both spent less money altogether and she didn’t have to feel like a CLEANING lady in her own home and relationship! I mean come on!!! $200 is the value you put on cooking dinner each week? That’s 40bucks a weeknight, probably minimum wage then. Ridiculous.

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Also - does she want to work in a Cafe? What are her hopes and dreams? Is she able to take classes and learn things she wants to, or is she too busy cooking and cleaning?

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