{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My grandmother died a few days ago (not COVID). She knew it was coming and had communicated her funeral and burial wishes to the extended family. (Cont.)", "post_id": "6148be5f5f7a22002266143e", "reply_count": 8, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession " }

My grandmother died a few days ago (not COVID). She knew it was coming and had communicated her funeral and burial wishes to the extended family. (Cont.)

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So when it happened, everyone acted in a coordinated but independent manner and came together to see her off respectfully. People, with baggage from perceived and real slights and traumas put it all aside in this time of mourning. They communicated and made decisions quickly. I think it was only possible because my grandmother always wanted to stay connected and close to everyone even if they were fighting amongst themselves. Things went to so well that it’s made me reconsider whether we are right to cut off relatives who have gravely hurt us but are not entirely toxic people.

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They fall along the entire spectrum. We grew up very close and are a big family. Some are egotistical, others argumentative, one had a serious drug problem, etc. In regular settings I personally don’t socialize with a handful of cousins because they refused to hire babysitters so they could attend my wedding. To this day I still can’t find it in me to forgive them. But my grandmother never cut anyone off. So all her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren knew her well and grew up with her presence. Even the ones who were looked at as the black sheep of the family.

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Sorry for your loss.

Thank you. It was her time and she was ready. It hurts a bunch but I’m grateful she was with us for as long as she was.

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What about family members that aren’t toxic but that you just don’t like or care to hang out with? I’ve never understood the forced gatherings of people who actually just don’t like one another. Not because of anything toxic or evil but just because they are different people with different interests. My brother and I are like this. We have nothing in common at all. If I met him walking down the street, we wouldn’t be friends because we’d have nothing to talk about. So once my parents die, we will have nothing left between us to discuss or communicate about.

I think if you enjoy spending time with someone, that is enough. There doesn’t need to be anything more to it. The shared interest is in being together. I love that you had such a special relationship.

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