{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My grandparents never make an effort to ask about my life or how things are going. I’ve gotten a promotion, switched roles, etc and they’ve never asked about any new and exciting life events. When I finally do visit them all they can do is comment on my weight or how I look - basically anything they can nitpick about my appearance, and then guilt me for not visiting them more. Am I being dramatic by not wanting to interact with them anymore? Do they get a pass to be rude because they’re old?", "post_id": "61468cd3a94673001fe188da", "reply_count": 16, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession " }

My grandparents never make an effort to ask about my life or how things are going. I’ve gotten a promotion, switched roles, etc and they’ve never asked about any new and exciting life events. When I finally do visit them all they can do is comment on my weight or how I look - basically anything they can nitpick about my appearance, and then guilt me for not visiting them more. Am I being dramatic by not wanting to interact with them anymore? Do they get a pass to be rude because they’re old?

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I essentially cut out my grandparents out for the same reason. They made it very clear they picked favorites amongst my cousins and I, and they had been doing it since I was really young. It really wasn't too difficult and I felt better.

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Thanks for sharing KPMG, and I’m sorry you went through that. How adults don’t realize how damaging picking favorites is is beyond me. I’m going to do what I planned to do and just see them at holidays, I’m mad at myself for not sticking to that when I went to see them today 🙄

My dad died while I was in college, and what I remember the most from his memorial was when I hugged my grandma (his mom) she remarked on how much weight I had gained. It was an unbelievably cruel thing to say in that moment, even if she was hurting, and I hate that that is what I remember most from that day. Our relationship was never the same, even though she apologized 10 years later.

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… That’s truly atrocious behaviour. your dad just died and she commented on your weight? I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that. Truly. Atrocious behaviour.

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I only ever met my dad’s parents a handful of times and never met my mom’s. Used to think I was missing important life experiences because of that. But stories like OP’s make me wonder if I’m better off with my idealized imaginary version of my grandparents than the actual difficult / flawed / human

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Going to offer a different view here. I come from a culture where comments about weight are used as conversation topics like the current weather. Where neither side has dug deeper than making superficial comments like these. Before my grandmother passed, she mentioned that she felt that very few of her children and grandchildren had asked directly about her upbringing, life experiences, etc. In the moment, I was offended as I felt like I’d heard all the stories. But in reality, I hadn’t dug much deeper or sat down to ask more, understand why, and all the context. I think it’s a two way street and as grandchildren, we become accustomed to doting and all interactions being focused on us. But what haven’t you asked them? What don’t you know about their experiences and feelings that might make them open up the dialogue?

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Wow. I’m jealous. Your grandparents are still alive. I never met my dad’s dad.

SA1: No. Your statement clearly said you thought an emotionally damaging relationship was better than not having a relationship. That’s… not true. Not healthy. Maybe you haven’t experienced emotional abuse from family, but trust me, it sucks to have family - the people who should care about you the most in this world - crap on you constantly while society blathers about “blood being thicker than water.”

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Asian here. But that sounds like a very typical Asian grandparent thing, especially if you are not the only grandchildren. All the aunties and uncles want to discuss when I visit is how much weight I've gained, not how I was doing at school or work. I feel your pain.

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