My husband and I are both consultants so we travel for work. I notice when we are away he becomes really emotionally distant (even when I try to message/ call). It takes a while to get him to be open again when we are together again. Over the summer we were able to spend 2 months without travelling, which was great and I felt really close to him. Last week I travelled to see my family for a few days (4 days) and when I got back he was distant again. He switches so quickly that often I feel (tbc)

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I recommend joint therapy and individual therapy for him. It sounds like the time apart is triggering something in him that’s making him emotionally avoidant so he needs to learn how to be more emotionally mindful to catch himself from being avoidant during the time apart.

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Like I am walking on eggshells (he’ll be grouchy, kind of argumentative, not willing to touch or kiss me). Like today, I was asking what he wanted to do this evening and he snapped saying ‘well why don’t you come up with some good ideas and maybe I would give you an answer’ (this is usually followed by: ‘that’s not something I want to do, think if something else’). I really want us to sort it out but I don’t know how given we can’t always be together.

Have you considered broaching the idea of joint therapy? It could help him realise the effect of his mood on you..

Yes I have, I just don’t think we have been active enough in making sure the therapy happens. I really should book some time for us

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That’s a big issue, something not in synch here. I have been away from my partner sometimes half a year in times and we are still connected. Do you have similar hobbies? Are you complimenting each other? Is the sex life even there?

Been there before with my marriage when we both travel. Joint and single marriage counseling really helped us open up out communication. I’ll be honest though, the heavy travel months makes an emotional dislocation happen fairly easily so you will both have to be 100% involved in trying to actively communicate. It’s too easy to ignore your partner for most of the day when you are busy and knowing you’re just going to a hotel room at the end of the night and not getting the physical connection with your partner.

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