{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My husband and I are expecting and both of us have moms diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD.) My dad passed away earlier this year and my FIL lives in Australia and is the nicest man. He’s just far away from us since we’re based in the NE. My therapist says your family doesn’t have to be blood related but I can’t help but feel sad our baby won’t have grandparents or a similar type of figure easily accessible/ nearby. Can anyone relate and/or have a similar situation?", "post_id": "60ff02cb2e851a0022f9d68c", "reply_count": 9, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

My husband and I are expecting and both of us have moms diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD.) My dad passed away earlier this year and my FIL lives in Australia and is the nicest man. He’s just far away from us since we’re based in the NE. My therapist says your family doesn’t have to be blood related but I can’t help but feel sad our baby won’t have grandparents or a similar type of figure easily accessible/ nearby. Can anyone relate and/or have a similar situation?

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Yes and sort of. My mom has NPD and I haven’t spoken to her in over 12 years. She doesn’t know I am married nor that I have a baby. My dad is narcissistic/ borderline and treated me awfully during my pregnancy. I have a great relationship with my in laws, though. I will say this - I developed a fierceness when I was pregnant about not exposing my child to the toxicity of my parents. I speak to my dad but he has himself distanced himself from her. I don’t really want him around my daughter too much given how he has treated me. If you have suffered trauma from your parents consider it a gift to not have these toxic people in your life too much. Do you have close friends nearby? Who know your situation? I found my friends, even those not close by, to be more loving and giving than some of my family members. As long as your baby is loved that is all that matters!

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I will for sure - thank you for the advice!

It's fine to feel sad, but I think way worse to invite this sort of person into your postpartum time and your baby's life. My mom wasn't diagnosed and I don't think she had full blown NPD, but she was way overbearing/not considerate unless it suited her, and it was incredibly stressful. She was sick with cancer which I'm sure exacerbated her demands, but it made my baby's first year very stressful and I ended up glad when she passed at the end of it. It sucks, but you will definitely be better off without narcs. You may discover some new grandparent figures or maybe your kid won't be close to anyone older, but that's ok. You'll have other parent friends, they'll have teachers, maybe a nanny, etc. My kids barely see my side of the family which makes me a little sad, but it hasn't bothered or hurt them one bit.

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I completely agree. I’m so thankful I finally see it and her behavior in it’s awful and complete glory. I have gone no contact with her before and then would have to give in because of my dad, but now that he’s gone I don’t really have any more ties. She is on the spectrum but she will never get formally diagnosed on her own. My therapist has heard enough to diagnose haha. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too.

My mom has BPD and I cut contact 15 years ago. She doesn’t know I have a child and has never met my husband. She will never meet either of them. It makes me sad that my daughter doesn’t have a grandma on my side and it’s really sad when my husbands mom does the “when your daddy was little” stories with my daughter- I’m sad I will never have that.

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I’m so sorry - that must be tough and I’m sad for you too. I think about what we’ll say if our kid asks why some other kid in class has two grandmas and they don’t have one. I’m hoping one of my aunts can fill the void but we’ll see

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