My husband and I are going through our 2nd cycle. He initially asked me to allow his sister to administer my injections because she’s a nurse and I refused. I don’t like depending on people when I am capable of doing things myself. This is taking an emotional toll on me already, but I don’t want him to feel like I’m refusing his help and excluding him from the process, because I won’t take his suggestion. How do I get him to understand?

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Say what you just wrote here, seems reasonable to me. Maybe figure out a way in which you are comfortable getting his support/help? Would love if you could help me prepare this medication, mix the vial, make sure I get the right dose, massage me after the injection, etc.

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My husband was the “med mixer.” I wanted to give myself the shots, but he felt pretty helpless standing by and doing nothing. So, he’d be the one to do the menopur mixing and drawing up the right amount in the syringe and swap the needles. (Poor guy forgot to change from mixing to injecting needle once - didn’t make that mistake again.) He’d also check the Gonal-F pens to make sure they were dialed to the right amount, pull them out of the fridge a little beforehand, then put them away. It was nice to feel like we were in it as a team.

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Believe me I would’ve preferred not being there either because we have no privacy. The most awkward part is his mom trying hard to look away when I go into the refrigerator for my medicine because I’m sure she wants to ask what I’m doing and we just decided we’re not giving her a lengthy explanation because she’s old school and still believes a woman should just have sex and become pregnant.

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I found that giving me shots was a good bonding exercise between us. Could he be afraid to play that role and trying to fill the void with a pro?

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Try being vulnerable and asking for what you need. Your version of: “Hey babe- this time around it would really help take the pressure off me if we made a little ritual out of shots each night while I/you do them. Let’s make a playlist. And mix them. And stick me. Then massage the spot.” Corny yea. But this is the guy you’re procreating with. You have to advocate for yourself and be open and honest about what you need. Now that I’m pregnant and he has NO CLUE what’s that’s like obvi, that’s our day to day ways.

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Idk about the sister thing - but as a male partner, it was extremely meaningful for me to be able to participate, contribute to, feel like I was doing something in the process by mixing the medicines and administering the shots. Was a strong bonding experience for both of us too. Idk about the sister. Ask him why?

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Agree - think the best solution is to talk through it with each other, with an open mind and compassion. It’s hard for both partners in different ways. I agree the physical burden is obviously on the woman, but the stress on male partners is often overlooked or trivialized. It’s not a competition to see who has a harder time. Both sides are difficult in different ways. Best solution is to talk through it together and find an approach that works for each of you - which will be different than what works for others

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Wtf OP? His sister? Absolutely not. Your body your choice. He wants to whine about not being included and then proceed to outsource to his sister? I’d tell him to kick rocks if he can’t be bothered to participate himself.

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Do your I own shots! It's not that hard! Intimidating at first but not hard.

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I did egg freezing on my own and did 100% of my shots. You can too.

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I also feel this is a little odd. I travel for work; and had to administer all my own injections. Sometimes my husband would help, but most of the time it’s just me. Do you live with his sister? If not, this is a cumbersome task to come over daily and administer injections.

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Wow. The pressure on you. Consider when you do your transfer staying in a hotel because you need no stress and no pressure during that window for it to stick and you to be OK. I didn’t tell the soul when I did mine because I did not want the pressure from people who just don’t understand the science.

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Hmm, I did all my stimulation shots myself, except for the progesterone. I found it is easier to do the stimulation shots myself. The progesterone shots will be easier for someone else to do it, but I meant, you can still do it yourself if you prefer. Your husband probably just wants to provide some suggestions, but just be transparent and honest with him about how you feel, I think any supported partners would understand.

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The injections are not too bad, the anticipation is worse. The hardest part is the mental part! Just personal opinions though. ☺️ You can do this!!!

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I went through 8 cycles. By the end, I was administering my own injections. It was just easier. The entire process was very taxing on our marriage, and horrid on my physical and mental health. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would do it all again in a heartbeat to have my kids. However, I definitely would not have wanted his family member involved. But for me, it wasn’t about depending on someone else, it was more a privacy and emotional issue. Good luck to you!

You explained it very well. Tell him that. Also, it may not fit but I may say something like “I feel a bit uncomfortable involving your family in our injections to get pregnant. I love your family and I think it’s so sweet u want them involved, but I just feel like this is personal between us and would rather not involve family until we have an actual baby!”

Dude I wish I had a nurse ready and willing to help during ivf. Take it!

Or ask why he suggested that. I know the place of injection is pretty far back and he might think you’re not injecting the muscle. If it’s that, you can show him that it’s in the right spot so that he’s not worried. If he just wants to be involved by asking his sister to do it, tell him it is important to you to do it yourself and having her do it creates discomfort

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