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Calling all PMs and engineers
What does “pay more rent” mean when you’re married?
Power move is to just pay more rent and decorate as you see fit… but it wont end well
I’m not claiming to have a perfect marriage, but your post just strikes me as weird. Like you’re building tenants.
Common sense says:
- don’t decorate without his agreement. You both live there.
- I think it’s still a shared office - but if it’s your only office, maybe some of you’re preferences he can live with
- charging more rent is wacko. I mean it would be crazy if you were taking more space at some level, but we’re talking decorating?! Also, you’re married so that’s strangely petty. Marriage pettiness should be reserved for the important things, like hanging the toilet paper backwards.
Lmao at the toilet paper
Where did the whole “you pay more” equation came up from? That’s not ok! When you’d already discussed with him that you’d be using the second bedroom as office, he should have respected your wish after moving in. I’d suggest decorate the room as a study/work/leisure activity room and go about using it. Manipulate of exaggerate a bit maybe? I’d say things like - hey hon, I actually like working from this room, maybe you can work from here tomorrow or hey I have a lot of meetings today, I’m using this room.
The you should pay more rent is really odd to me. You are married. I don’t see a probably with sharing a room for office space as I do that with my spouse and we are both WFH full time.
We have a room each for the work office however I don’t even use it lol I like working from the living room and watching TV. I asked for the bigger office but whenever she wants to she is more than free to work there, change whatever she wants, etc
Not sure why he’s blowing up pretty unreasonable lol
Maybe divorce. Sounds terrible.
Such selfish, stingy person. What can you count on him for?
These posts are weird to me. My wife and I would work through this without any discussion. Like now, we would share the space available and whoever is on video gets priority. Otherwise, it would just kind of work out.
Combine all your money and you won’t have these issues.
We combine everything and neither of us lost independence. We still spend what we want when we want. It works for us because we are both very frugal.
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Honestly he probably feels threatened that you’d get your own space and he wouldn’t, sort of a “fairness” thing. It’s a bit immature but maybe he has some deep rooted experiences with this (like a sibling getting more than he did in certain ways).
Maybe suggest you both decorate it together? Or put together a few schemes and ask if he likes it and would be happy with it? Make it a point to genuinely want his input. Could throw in sentences like “well, we’ll never know if I’ll be remote forever”, “it’s your house too”, etc. so he feels heard and involved.
Eegh! It’s tough dealing with someone who is threatened so easily that he needs to be reassured when you so desperately needed adequate office space. Afterall, your previous situation was. So now, you’ll play hell dealing with his playground insecurities and be stuck propping up his feelings, ego, or whatever his problem is today and then another problem tomorrow. Get to the root issue and address it. Money, ego or control- jealousy? Seriously, why not share?
Chief
I see a bunch of trade offs that both of you need to make
You may consider upgrading to a larger space. Having an entire room to yourself, while he only has two shared rooms to exist in, isn’t equitable in a relationship. I’d say the same thing if it were a dude telling his wife that he deserves more space. Your perspective totally makes sense, but like…idk there’s no way I could tell my wife that I get the office even though I make more money.
You can also use a virtual background don’t think there’s a need for a “better” background, from the sound of it he’s territorial and will want the better space. Are you two going 50/50 on expenses or is he covering the majority?
We are in our early 20s and we don’t have a joint account yet so I pay him each month for my half of rent
VP2 - I'm glad things are working for you, and I agree now is not the time for the OP to make this change. But it does seem like it isn't working for the OP.
I do think if a couple is going to make it work with seperate finances, there needs to be a lot of clear communication as to who is paying for what etc... which doesn't seem to be happening here.
Honestly, if you make much more money than he does and now he basically pays for your office (because his half rent is bigger now for the bigger apartment) - I kind of get where this is coming from. I don’t think it’s about the “what”, it’s more about it the “how”.
When I lived with my husband prior to kids, we had one shared account, plus each an individual, where we paid in what covered monthly costs plus some extra. We paid in % what we made in % of total household income. Worked well.
Some conversations with your partner are really hard -- no one ever heard Cinderella and Prince charming discussing finances and the division of labor, but you are not dating, you are married and you have to make decisions together if you want it to work. If you announce your intentions to make the space your own, without discussion, and his response is anger and that you pay should pay more rent...seems as though you are both still are thinking of your selves as independent units, roommates and not a true team. When you say to your spouse hey, what would you think, or how would you feel, you are not asking permission, but trying to make joint plans. It does not come naturally at first maybe, but unilateral decisions in a silo will make a marriage very difficult.
He is currently using more space but not paying more.
Husband?!?!
Sorry, but you say enough that I think you are trying to answer the wrong question. Seems to be one or two bigger issues to get on the table with him.
Why don't you get a 3br?
I’ve got your solution! For a 2 bedroom apartment:
1. You each take a bedroom for your office/personal space.
2. Live in the rest of the apartment like a studio apartment.
I did this with my wife when we were in between home purchases. Sure it looks weird if you have guests, but otherwise it worked extremely well.
After 16 years of marriage, I think it’s extremely important for each spouse to have some personal space.
He's jealous of you working comfortably at home and earning lot of money. 😂
I just re-read your post and want to add…You are already paying “more rent” by doing all the cooking, cleaning and whatever else. So, you are entitled to get more return out of your investment. Does this man pick up his own tidy- whitey’s at night?? Blowing up is an intimidating tactic to manipulate the outcome. How stressful! I bet he’s planning on “winning”. Sorry you are dealing with someone so unsupportive- appears there is more at stake here.