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Anybody else watched "Animals" on HBO?
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Chief
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$125 later. . I’m ready!
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He shares to much with his mommy.
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How the chores are being done are none of mommy’s business. She shouldn’t be given information to be in a judgmental position. Boundaries and limits.
Does the situation work for you and your husband? That’s all that matters. You can’t control what she thinks.
Enthusiast
I received the best advice from my father-in-law during his short and concise wedding speech. Whatever happens, you and your spouse will make your decision. Don’t let other people decide on your behalf.
My uncle gave us a similar speech. I need to work on getting out my head lol because he doesn’t have a problem so why should I?
Enthusiast
Making more doesn’t matter. It’s a team.
% of hours worked matter. If you work 10-15 hours week and your husband also do 10-15 hours week because of his house chores, you two are equal. If you think you make more than him hence you need preferential treatment, it will build resentment.
What his mom thinks doesn’t matter. It’s among you two. Others can think what they want but that’s just their opinion.
Oh no I don’t think I deserve preferential treatment. I just noted that to set precedence about how I’m thinking his mom thinks. Since I have been working a lot. He seems to be fine with it though. I think that comment just scared me that she may lead him to agree with her 🙃 I don’t think he does though, but like I’m really working so hard because I want us to get out of debt before the year is up.
Enthusiast
It sounds the like problem is your husband and what he’s saying to this mom.
If he needs something changing or discussing you two should discuss / change it.
If he doesn’t then he should stop chatting to his mother in a manner that will vilify you. And if something slipped, then he needs to discuss / set it right with his mother.
Otherwise her mother will grow to resent you.
Maybe sit down and discuss all aspects with your husband?
Chief
Your husband definitely needs to say something to your mother-in-law. Once my dad said something like that to me, as I was cleaning, and I made sure to let him know that we both do our part.
Chief
I would like to know where you got the wifely duties part. She said sharing the load which doesn’t sound gendered at all. I’m also wondering why your husband told you this. Does he feel like you share the load?
It’s honestly an insecurity on my part…I think. His mom cooks like five meals a week. Home cooked meals. She likes to cook and I do not lol. But we’ve been doing the meal delivery services and it’s been working well! My husband also is fine with how things are going (believe me my anxiety allows me to always check in with him) so I think it’s fine. He specifically does things to lighten my load because I have a lot of stuff to do always. I think in my mind I feel like she expects me to do more of the cooking and cleaning. Which we both do but in recent weeks he has done more of.
Chief
For most of my career, I’ve worked longer hours than my husband, and he has done more of the house work. He’s always made more than me, and eventually we hired a lawn service and cleaning service, but he still does more of the day-to-day picking up. (I always do the cooking and grocery shopping)
He and I are happy, so I generally don’t care what other people say. My family will tease me about it, but I just tell them that they are jealous I found a hardworking husband who enjoys cleaning 🤷♀️
Love that!
2/2 was cooking and cleaning (i was at one of the three gigs for the week) and said “i hope you two are sharing the load” probably because every time she’s been talking to him he’s been cooking or cleaning. I do my part as well (for example I cleaned the basement last night), but of course he wasn’t on the phone to share that with her. I think that we work well together as a team when it comes to the household chores, and he understands that sometimes weeks get hectic like this, especially with me going out of town and us having company this weekend. All this to say, what would you do in the situation with his mom? I feel like she’s starting to feel a way about me having a side gig and not thinking I’m doing my “wifely” duties. Bleh
i do “lol”
Chief
My mom would feel the same way. She’s the mom and thinks her boy is the most amazing man on the planet. Just make sure he’s giving her all the information and that you’re pulling more than you’re share in the income department.
Can you be more explicit with the problem statement?
Is it that you want your mother in law to respect you?
Or that she will influence your husband to resent you or abandon the current arrangement?
Or that you are hurt because your husband didn't stand up for you to his mother?
Other than you don't like the mother in law's comments, hard to tell if there is any impact or what the problem is. Can this just be a, "Oh, you know...., She is set in her ways" situation?
I don’t dislike my mother in law. I think she just comes from a different time where cooking and cleaning was mainly the woman’s job and I don’t want her to think that the long hours I put in at work + side hustle aren’t important too. The “I hope you’re sharing the load” remark is what threw me off I think. Because I don’t want her to think I’m not playing my part of my husband and I’s family dynamic. But I can’t think of another reason to why she’d say that.
Also my husband was not complaining to my MIL, it was more of a general conversation call. She asked what he was doing and he so happened to be cooking while I wasn’t home because I was at a gig.