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Any homeschool parents in the group?
Littler 2nd year salary in Texas?
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Who’s working this Sunday?
Any homeschool parents in the group?
Littler 2nd year salary in Texas?
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It’s likely nerves/psychological. I have literally no physical issues with performance under normal circumstances but something about having to “perform” when my wife was ovulating screwed with my head big time and I needed a lot of extra “care” to get the job done.
“What do I do?” The answer is be kind, be patient, and work to figure out what works to get across the finish line and absolutely do not take out your frustration on him or act disappointed or negative or “resentful” because that will have the opposite effect from what you actually want most likely. That means extra foreplay on him, maybe a special video to keep the stimulation up, and don’t be afraid to take a break if things aren’t happening quickly (as opposed to giving up or acting out anger).
100% this, I had performance anxiety when I was younger, she needs to be patient and remove the pressure, anything else will just make the situation much worse.
Definitely went through this our first few months.. I stopped telling my husband when I had my period and when I ovulated so that he couldn’t determine it. He started taking more supplements, including a Chinese medicinal herb that my acupuncturist recommended. He hasn’t issues since we made those changes.
Hmm I don’t think my husband ever really noticed the trash.. maybe throw it out in your main trash can under stuff.
The herb is “vital essence” by Evergreen acupuncture. Maybe he could try acupuncture too?
That’s funny because that was kinda me. I told my wife to stop telling me when she’s ovulating and let’s just have sex as normal (which is when I always performed to the max). 4 months later, we’re pregnant. The pressure of knowing you have to ejaculate always got to me cuz I was too much in my head. Just don’t tell him and make sex casual and fun again
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Sex has never been casual and fun because he’s always struggled with it. He has started trying to sniff out when I’m ovulating because otherwise we’d only have sex every 5-6 weeks and never be pregnant. It doesn’t often work for me to initiate because he has to be in the mood first - even extended foreplay won’t work. Many of his issues have always been when I initiate - it has to be his idea.
I don’t have any suggestions but chiming in that I’m going through the exact same thing, except we’re not as far along in the process as you guys are. It’s so frustrating because as women there is so much we have to go through for this, and the guys have one job and can’t do it (and mine refuses to go to a doctor about it because “it’s embarrassing”)
There’s some great advice here, once I started taking the pressure off I lot of my resentment went away and so at least it hasn’t affected our marriage. But here to say I understand your frustration and the need to vent!
Honestly, nothing has really worked yet, which is why I so understand your frustration. I just came to the conclusion that I can’t control everything, but I can control my reaction. We had a tough few months where I really thought we weren’t going to make it, but I decided I love him whether or not we have a baby so I had to let it go for my marriage.
I also have to focus on getting myself healthy before going further on the fertility journey so I’m hoping some of the changes I make will improve his health too and have some impact but nothing so far.
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Some thoughtful responses here; thanks all. For context, my husband has struggled with ED and low sex drive for the 10 years we’ve been together and before me. This was actually one of my biggest concerns in marrying him - that we couldn’t be able to conceive because if his ED. Unfortunately, that has indeed been the case and I’m at the end of my rope. We finally moved to IUI, then IVF as I’m now 38 and after 2 years of trying we have run out of time to not take more aggressive measures. He has never once had a challenge giving a sample at the clinic.
I have begged him to see a therapist; he refuses. 4 years ago he finally agreed to start taking a pill, but he rarely takes it because he doesn’t like how it makes him feel. His doctor says there is nothing wrong with him physically, but my RE diagnosed him with low testosterone and has him on clomid. It helped with libido a bit at first, but not much. I finally asked my own doctor for advice and she recommended a urologist. I asked him to go and he won’t.
I do not tell him when I am having my period or ovulating - he figures it out or just asks me directly because he needs time to prepare (take a pill or get in the mindset).
I am patient, I have tried to talk about what turns him on (he shuts down and refuses to discuss), and he did agree to try porn once (which worked) but refused to choose the video and made me do it.
I am doing everything I can - taking 20 pills of supplements a day, injecting myself, taking priming drugs that make me feel horrible. I also really miss sex. All I’m asking is for him to ejaculate inside of me - and put a little effort into figure out why he can’t do that when I’m putting in SO much effort.
Yes, exactly! And then you get to thinking if you’re not taking action now how are you going to be if we ever do have kids (or at least that’s where my head went). Just keep the communication open, it’s hard but talking is better than letting it bottle up.
You’re both dealing with a lot. Have some empathy and understanding towards him and be supportive. Focus less on making it a job to be done and just have intimidate sex unprotected as often as possible. This takes time, but the reward will be a life long child to care for
EY2 - OP is working with fertility doctors. There’s a lot of context in the thread, if you read it. OP asked for a thought on libido increasing. You’ve shared your perspective on why my reply is not a good path. No need to be so snappy.