{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My husband told me that he feels parenting our 2 yr old is a burden. He’s actually a great parent and loves our son but hates all the hard work that goes with it (wake ups / getting ready for daycare / sick days / tantrums). Neither of us wants to take a step back in our career to care more time for our son, and we don’t want the other person to either. We’re considering an Au pair, but I’m mourning the fact that we, and especially he, aren’t parents that love parenting. Anyone in the same boat?", "post_id": "61069fe4174ec6002a4758a9", "reply_count": 41, "vote_count": 5, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

My husband told me that he feels parenting our 2 yr old is a burden. He’s actually a great parent and loves our son but hates all the hard work that goes with it (wake ups / getting ready for daycare / sick days / tantrums). Neither of us wants to take a step back in our career to care more time for our son, and we don’t want the other person to either. We’re considering an Au pair, but I’m mourning the fact that we, and especially he, aren’t parents that love parenting. Anyone in the same boat?

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I think a lot of people feel like this. I would just caution that an au pair won’t necessarily solve your issues. A 19 year old may not have the experience to parent without a lot of guidance from you on your parenting philosophy snd how you want your son raised. They are fantastic help, but they’re not parenting experts. You can outsource the work (laundry, preparing meals, helping clean up, getting dressed, etc) but I think the parenting has to come from mom & dad (or at least guided by mom and dad). Maybe I am misreading/misunderstanding your post. I just complained last night with a girlfriend how hard the parenting part is. I can push through the cleaning and the laundry and all of that jazz. But discipline and tantrums and holding boundaries is what drains me (personally). It’s definitely not always enjoyable.

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Thanks for that advice. We are pretty aligned on parenting styles etc and happy to give direction. Au pair would really just give us that extra help we need before and after daycare and on weekends.

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Are you considering the au pair in addition to daycare? Is that what you mean? Because they can only work like 45hrs/week, so "after hours" will still be on you. I'd recommend instead, if you can afford, a seasoned nanny. Our nanny has four grown children. She knows how to deal with kids, she cooks, she does laundry. While I don't have house cleaning in her job description, but she's a mom who doesn't have to be told basic stuff so keeps things pretty tidy. Have the nanny work 45-50hrs and have her do stuff that you don't love. If bath time is a chore, let her do it before you get home. If breakfast is a battle, let her do it first thing when she arrives. Let her do laundry (including linens), washing bottles, prepping toddler food, clipping toe nails, whatever you don't love doing. Its worth every penny and then you can spend your time with your kid just playing with them, or whatever the parts of parenting that you do enjoy.

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We are looking for a nanny in the evenings even though our kid will be in daycare full time. It’s just difficult to get him from daycare and feed him with two demanding jobs and if I’m traveling, my husband would not be able to do it alone. I know a lot of my friends are super judgmental about this but I plan on at least trying it because we both love our careers too and devoting extra time to our kiddo when we are present. Nice to read all these comments! Kpmg 2 any tips for finding a good nanny or what to ask? Did you have her sign a contract?

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Both of my parents worked and I was cared for by two women over the years who were essential parts of my family and development. But I’ve never felt that my parents outsourced their care of me or my sister. I think many parents sometimes worry too much that having another loving adult care for their child will replace or negate their own love and care, but really if you’re present and dedicated to your kid(s) during the time you have I think it comes out better than alright for everyone. I can see how having a nanny would be tough if you wanted to be the caretaker, but it sounds like both you and your husband would be happiest if you had a bit less childcare, and that’s totally ok.

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Thank you so much. I really need to read this.

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Haha… parenting a two year old is a burden. Yeah, duh. Did he not see that coming in advance?

likefunny

Love it 😂😂😂

So I actually love the hands on parenting part and learning how to work through challenges like tantrums etc BUT on a very limited basis. With daycare until 6:00 my 2 hours to bedtime are plenty for me + 1 hour on the morning and I wouldn’t judge you at all for wanting even less than that. My 2 cents would be to make sure you are being fully present when you choose to. Kids can pick up on a distracted parent and act out accordingly. My child is way more well behaved when he knows I’m right there with him.

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Actually, on second thought, it likely turns out cheaper to do the Au pair if you’re willing to live with someone: 2 hours in the AM five times a week and 4 hours on the weekend comes out to 280 dollars at a $20 rate. That’s basically the cost of the Au pair weekly stipend plus food at almost a third of the total hours an Au Pair could work (45).

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Having an au pair is like adopting a young adult into your family. If you really want someone to share the burden, I recommend a good nanny. I’ve had both (and don’t get me wrong, I had a great relationship with my relatively mature 25-yr old au pair and she became the godmother of my youngest) and there is a significant difference in the professionalism and experience of a good au pair vs good nanny.

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Welcome! Feel free to post or dm if you have any other questions about the process / experience etc or prospective au pairs.

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I love being a parent. I hate parenting. The day to day chores of parenting sucks. I love cuddling my son, and taking him out to the park and doing fun things. Washing a million bottles and pump parts while sleep deprived, doing even more laundry, and cooking meals for one more person, not so much. If I could outsource all the mundane chores of parenting. It would be awesome.

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I hate parenting especially as we enter the terrible twos.

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Glad to hear someone else say it. Makes you feel much better about yourself!

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Oh man, I needed to see this post. I’ve got a 2 year old and a newborn. The newborn has been “easy.” I’m seriously struggling with the 2 year old whining, tantrums, arguments, defiance, etc. I know he’s going through a giant change as we all are but it’s so so mentally draining trying to parent through this. Love this kid beyond words but it’s really tough.

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This was us 2 yrs ago. Hang in there mama! It does get better! Now my two kiddos are best friends and I’m super grateful they had each other during the pandemic

likeuplifting

Mom guilt is so real my friend. Caring for a child is hard especially when you have such a demanding career. Your feelings are valid and it takes true strength to admit when you need help. Also someone please tell me terrible twos stays in the twos 😩

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The guilt is real! Thank you for saying that! And I’m sorry to tell you that apparently the terrible twos go on till they’re 5 and reappear when they’re 8!!! OMG 😳😳😳

We were these parents umpteen years ago, and I think it is totally normal. We made the decision to hire au pairs when #2 was an infant and just having an extra pair of hands really helped my husband who bore the brunt of the day to day when I was on the road. True what others say about them not being as mature, but careful reading of applications, screening and absolutely clear house rules can help winnow down the pack for a better fit. Kids are teenagers now, but we loved having the extra hands so really kept it up until the youngest was 13. Honestly the last au pair did more to train our pre-pandemic puppy but just a level of comfort / back up we had come to rely on

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Anything worthy in life, you got to work for. That includes kids. Enjoy the time, teen years come quick, then they don’t want to hang with you:)

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I guess I just figured we do it and go through it with a sort of “it’s hard but it is what it is”, not outsource it to someone else or let it get to us. Maybe I’m mourning something unendcesariyl

Appreciate the encouragement!

I'm a mom and I've hated parenting from day 1, so I feel you. My son is 4 and I love him to death but I hate being a parent and I think I always will.

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