My husband’s uncle died this morning. My husband is pretty distraught as he was close to him. His family is in the U.K. He wants us to attend the funeral because he doesn’t want to go there alone. He hasn’t seen his family in 7 years. I see two problems (1) My passport expired and I don’t know if I will get it renewed in time even expedited. (2). The whole Covid thing and going into quarantine upon arrival. Suggest to ask the family to skype the funeral but may be too insensitive? WWYD?

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You can get a passport in 2 days in cases like this. I did it when my FIL had a stroke and kid didn’t have one. Went to the office first thing in am, allowed, paid fee, picked it up next afternoon on way to airport.

likehelpful

Was this since mid-March 2020? Passports have been a completely different game since the pandemic started.

Also, Dept of State does not consider uncle in law immediate family, so the OP will not qualify to get their passport expedited under the same rule that you did

helpful

Practical emotional advice: get the passport tomorrow to show willingness and tell your spouse you will support him and discuss particulars once he knows more about services and quarantine and options.
Likely he’ll sleep on it and decide not to go, but you can demonstrate willingness to be a helper and not an obstruction.

likehelpful

It’s showing an understanding of their grief and showing a willingness to mobilize quickly to support them. Hoping it’s unnecessary is also fine. Sometimes just saying “I can go with you if you need me” is enough.

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Going for a funeral is one of the craziest reasons I can think of to do international travel in a pandemic. Would your husband’s uncle want him to possibly get sick / get others sick just to be there?

Not trying to be unsympathetic here. Losing a family member is hard and I’m sorry for your husband’s loss. Just not sure how flying that distance to show up will help.

likehelpful

That escalated quickly. I think the biggest takeaway is that we all have an opinion, but truly the most important thing is just that OP remain supportive, and flexible. Ideally there would be no travel at all. If they do need to go, just being mindful of the potential consequences are key. As others mentioned above, there are legitimate risks involved with traveling to the UK right now. That being said, showing openness and empathy to ones partner is key at a time like this. Everything else is crap.

The pandemic is overblown. What’s not overblown is the impending lockdown coming to the UK. With that being said this could be one of the most important things you do or not do for your husband in your life.

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VP there are no pandemic deniers here. There are pandemic pragmatists — there are some things and people worth taking that extra risk for and we don’t know how long this will last. It could be well into next year or even the year after that. We can’t put out lives on hold forever. With the nature of visas and work — not being able to see people for many years is quite common amongst people working in different countries because people always assumed they could go if it was really necessary or if they really wanted.
Plenty of people are feeling cut off / lonely right now and the feeling of not being able to pay their respects / comfort others is one of the worst.
OP is in a very challenging situation and people are trying to support them / help them support their husband.
Maybe you didn’t mean any ill but the way you put it was poorly worded.

You will have mandatory quarantine upon arrival — will you even be able to go to the funeral?

Get a new passport and fly over when it’s safe for everyone to go.

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Get your passport and go. No question. Unless you are personally in a very vulnerable demographic.

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What about the family? Pretty vulnerable for the UK attendees post the US fam international travel

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Is there an option of just him going? I understand being supportive but in practicality, rushing to get a passport in two days, traveling to the UK, facing possible lockdown once you are there, etc. etc. seems like a lot. It’s obviously important to him so he should go. He’s a big boy, he doesn’t need you to chaperone.

I’m sure I’ll get lots of hate but I’ve been married for 15 years, I can’t imagine me or my wife even asking the other one to come. The conversation would be “it’s really important that I attend this, I hope you understand why I need to go” instead of “you have to go with me or I’m not going, then I’ll blame you for it.”

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OP - back in April, my husband and I each lost a family member to COVID within about 2 weeks of each other. We also don't live anywhere near them, and couldn't go home to pay our respects. I understand how your husband feels, but there's a pretty real possibility the standard wake, funeral, and remembrance luncheon/dinner won't be allowed to happen right now because of the virus. That's what happened to both of us.

I'm sure your husband is quite emotional right now, but given the passport issue, flights, and then quarantine, even if you go, you may miss whatever they're actually able to hold for his uncle, if they're able to hold much at all. I would suggest to him that you plan a longer trip to the UK after there is a vaccine, so he can pay his respects, see other family (if he wants to), and really spend time remembering his uncle and their relationship - visit places important to him or that they used to go to together.

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Right - that must be why cases are surging again! Because we now know how to do basic human activities with some safety.

I think there’s 2 things to think about 1) make sure your husband feels supported and 2) figure out if it’s safe/possible for you to attend. Get the passport & take care of your husband to make sure he feels loved and supported right now. Once the initial shock has worn off, you can have a more rational discussion of logistics. When something horrible happens, everyone’s first reaction is to rush to be there. Once he’s had some time to absorb the news, he might feel differently about going. But! What he will always remember is how you made him feel. And right now, he needs to feel loved and supported. Figure out the other stuff later.

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It's officially been announced by PM Boris, the UK will go in lockdown for a full month. All international travel is banned except for work

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Yeah doesn't apply to all of UK, but there's still a mandatory 14 day quarantine. Will there be enough lead time to quarantine and then go to the funeral?

You are aware that you’ll need to quarantine for 14 days upon arrival in the UK (assuming you’re coming from the US) which means you won’t be able to attend the funeral.

You will likely have to quarantine again when you return to the US, depending on state and local rules.

Have you checked to with the Dept of State to see if you can even get your passport in time? “Husband’s uncle” is not considered immediately family by the Dept of State and expedited processing for other short notice travel is extremely limited.

Not trying to be unsympathetic in any way, but just having lost a close relative overseas in the last month I can tell you that the logistical details of travel for this type of event are huge right now.

helpful

I’m sure your husband could use your support. It’s difficult losing a close family member. If you do end up going just take all the precautions possible.

Very unlikely that anything like a normal funeral will be allowed in the UK at the moment especially with the recent announcements of a new lockdown, so wouldn't bother travelling at this time. Also, there's a lesson for us all - try and see people who matter to you whilst they are still alive. I've had a number of recent family funerals where people only meet up when someone has died - makes it even sadder.

You can get your passport renewed in 72 hours. Go to the state department website. My mom did it about a month ago

OP, not sure where you live, but in many cities you can get passport renewals expedited overnight. I did this in Chicago years ago. Now, I don’t know what the current covid situation is, but there are also agencies who expedite new and renewal passports for a small fee (probably 72 hrs). It’s worth looking into if this is your only obstacle, not saying what’s right or not right - just passing along info. Covid might add extra processing time but it’s something to look into.

Can’t help with quarantine upon arrival though.

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