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Have you talked to your husband about how their behavior makes you feel? It’s his family and if he expects you to be around them then he should make an effort to make sure you feel comfortable and welcome. And that stupid comment about your body was said out of jealousy. Based on what you described about his family background, they probably look at you and feel very insecure so they resort to picking on you.
C1: 100% agree
I haven’t had to deal with in-laws who use micro aggressive behavior. They’ve been outright aggressive. I stay respectful by doing those things that will allow me to look at myself in the mirror; such as send the bday card or use the proper tone. But.... I have given them what they asked for.
When my MIL said she didn’t want anything to do with my husband. That’s what she got. She changed her tune when she learned secondhand I was pregnant. When it was time for our wedding and the divorce and re-marriages were fresh I told them that they had to behave for one day. When my MIL called me and fussed, I got in my husbands face and told him to handle it. No choice.
I get your husband is the golden child, but he is to have your back. Period. His sisters sound jealous and insecure. His mother is immature. And, they sense your insecurity. It’s not going to be easy but make the decision that they will not humiliate you. If they mention your spanx, throw it back at them. If they think you’re disrespectful, what do you have to lose?
When it comes to childcare, if possible or reasonable find alternatives. They’re not allowed to be disrespectful and keep your child. But, truly, your husband shouldn’t need proof to intervene. I’m hurt and angry for you. Throw your shoulders back, smile, reverse psychology the hell out of theme. You may need to learn to throw backhanded compliments so that they learn you’re not the one. You can get through this. Sorry you have to deal with this.
I hope this helps. In all ways, I try to respect people. But, I don’t tolerate misbehavior like this. To add to my experience, my husband is white. So... that dynamic could be different. But his family loves me and respects. me. They know I’ll be consistent emotionally and that I’ll be honest and draw a line. His family and your husband need to see that from you. It’s possible to be respectful and not tolerate mistreatment. We celebrate 10 years of marriage this year. You two can get through this. Kindness and strength are not mutually exclusive. Be blessed and strong.
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Sorry you're dealing with this. Sounds like they might just be that type of family. You know, the ones that find issue with everything. How do they treat the sisters? Friends of the children?
What are some of the microaggressions you've experienced?
And more importantly, does your husband have your back when you point these things out? Is he saying anything or working to shield you from these things as best he can, given his own relationship with them?
List goes on...
I struggle with what’s assertive vs disrespectful in these situations, so I do nothing
Context he is one of the only males in the entire family and the only son of three sisters. He’s also the only college graduate, and the only one married or even really in a serious relationship. Not sure if any of that matters. As for myself, I watched my mom be disrespected by my grandma ( though great to me) and I refuse to be long-suffering like she was. Perhaps that is making it a bit harder to brush things off...any tips?
Here taking notes. Rooting for you, author. 💜
My take is, the place that causes him me joy, cause you sadness/ anger. As you are his partner, it's his job to many sure his people value you as much as they value him (for you to also get the treatment he gets).
Otherwise, you should just distance yourself from his people, so you don't feel the hurt. And it should be his job to make sure you are able to distance yourself from them. So he can enjoy the best treatment he gets, and you are safe from being hurt.
It's really simple, his family his responsibility. It's shouldn't be your job to make his family like you, that should have been his first responsibly to you before you even got married.