My kid of 3.5 years hates to go to daycare. She will not eat anything there and cry and scream on and off. Most of the days I get a phone call to pick her up early as she is screaming or is not manageable there. When asked what is causing her problem every time she says she just wants to be at home and misses being at home. It has been a few months at daycare and every day it is the same story that she does not want to go and scream and cry. I don't know what can help. Any suggestions please.

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We went through this for months with my eldest and I almost had to quit my job but luckily was able to find a small, in-home daycare to which he adjusted very quickly. He just couldn’t handle the large groups, the noise and constant stimulation at a regular daycare and being with a smaller group in someone’s home was just adjustment that he needed.

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Any child 5 -2.5 is a covid baby and only knows being at home. Grace is what's needed here. If childcare outside of the home is the only option, try to stick it out. If that place sucks and they don't have anyone qualified to deal with your child to help curate a comforting experience for your little, try somewhere else. We visited 5 places before we found someone at a school who was amazing and LOVED the challenge of making my son at ease. He's on year 3 and thriving!

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The problem is how many times can we try to change the daycare. We already tried once when our child was 2 years old and it was only for half a day. She didn't settle there at that time. It was a different daycare. Now again we tried after she turned 3. Again the same problem.

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I’ve heard people switch to a different daycare with better results. It might be something there where she’s not getting enough attention etc

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Yea, I also reckon PwC1. I toured 4 different daycares in all sorts of areas before I settled my then 5 month old with my current daycare. The teacher were super welcoming and warm to all the babies. Even though it was the priciest of them all, it was worth it. They had 2:8 ratio for infants btw. Not the greatest for ratios but the teachers were very attentive to most babies and they have all sorts of tricks that attend to their needs efficiently. Our current daycare is 25 minute away from our home. So the setup is not the greatest (sacrifices to make it work for our LO)

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I don't like that they call you to come pick her up, here's why: that teaches her if she screams and cries mommy will come early.

Questions to ponder:
What happens if you aren't able to drop everything and come get her?
Does she ever have a good day?
Is the facility up to par in terms of staff, activities, and cleanliness (note the smell)
Do the other children seem happy?

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Yes. They always say that the other children are just fine. I am the mommy and have always been able to pick her up early since I am on a career break but am looking for a job. So the need is to get my daughter well settled at daycare. We liked the daycare since it is just the opposite building of our house and activities and everything else we find is fine but it is also that we find the staff members a bit strict.

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She’s telling you what she needs .

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I am the mommy and on a career break and looking for a job. We also want our child to learn something outside home because at home it is only playing or watching TV.

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I would investigate more closely why she doesn’t like going. Are you sure she isn’t being treated poorly in some way at this daycare (by either a staff member or another kid)? She may have a hard time verbalizing it if something bad is going on.

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I tried my best to understand it but kind of failed. Initially we started with half a day and it was more or less fine. When we started the full day it all went bad after a week or so. So it included nan time and after nap snack time. I know the teachers are a bit strict there but we felt it is kind of ok since our child is also very strong willed.

My son did this at 3 years old. Started in August wasn’t until January until he calmed down. We sent him part time and part time with a nanny at home. We had him continue and push through it. Our other wasn’t ready to go until he went to k4. We just kept him home with a nanny.

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Some children are simply more sensitive than others- I had a nanny with my twins for years and they were so much happier at home. If you choose care .com please be careful and do your own background check don’t rely on them to do this. Good luck to you! ❤️

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This sounds like me when I was in daycare 😂 I went to an all American daycare where I didn't understand a lot of what was being said. I grew up with grandparents speaking Mandarin at home so I didn't feel comfortable at the all American daycare.

Then, they took me to a private daycare where the teachers spoke Mandarin. I still cried for a good month or so. My teachers would come up to me and speak with me privately before class started so I could feel more comfortable. Then I started enjoying it. It took a good month .. from what my grandfather tells me.

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Our mother tongue is different. So your point is valid. I know my child is going through many changes such as location change, language change etc and it is hard for her. Sometimes there is no choice.

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Had a similar experience with my 2yo - it was tough and heartbreaking. Switched to a nanny and he absolutely loves it.

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Poor thing and poor you. I see both sides.

Was she home with mommy before this?

Either way, nanny share or nanny might be the way to go

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I think for most kids they says 2 months to acclimate to going to daycare but up to 6 months. This said our kid has been in daycare for almost 2 years and at least once a week there is a freakout about wanting to stay home instead

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I agree with Director 2 - find another daycare. This one may be too full to give the attention each child needs. You can always opt for a family daycare? One at a home and they only care for 3-4 children? Something more personal may work.

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When my kid was 2.5, we put him into a Montessori program. My kid is very strong willed and didn’t like it in the first few days but then he started loving it. Instead of a traditional day care, I’d recommend trying alternative like Montessori etc

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I’ve heard of what Partner 1 is referring to but you could check their accreditation and ask to observe their classrooms. My kids are in Montessori, and I agree it might work for your child. It’s more child led and the teachers act like guides. They encourage independence while allowing kids the grace to work at their own pace.

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I’m gonna say from reading the comments some of this might have to do with trying to transition to daycare now at 3, rather than earlier. So it might not necessarily be a bad fit as much as it’s something foreign to your kid. I’d tough it out. It might take a month, but they should adjust.

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I think a few months is enough time to have given this place a try, and you should check elsewhere. Montessori might be a nice alternative. You said you tried a half day then went a full day… I’m not sure how many days a week? I have a child born during Covid and I put her in 3 days a week then gradually increased to 5 days a week. For my first child, I put him in 3 half days then gradually increased to more days then full time. Look around and try out other places; you want to observe and places usually have trial stays/periods

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If she hates it, then don’t take her. She should love school, and life, at 3.

Can you switch her to a coop preschool program? You or your partner would need to have work schedules that enable you to be in the classroom with her some of the time. But, coops are awesome for kids who want more time with mom or dad.

If you can swing working part time to be with her, do it. She wants you. She wants to be home. And that’s totally normal at 3. She’ll be in kindergarten so soon, so take this time with her if you can.

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Someone at our nursery went through the same with her 2 year old. She switched to a childminder with a home nursery (1 childminder + 4 kids at the childminder'e home; I don't know what you call this in the US) and the kid loved it.

I think it might be too overwhelming for some kids at nursery, with so many other children.

We are about to start daycare with our 3.5 yo son and I am so afraid this will be him too. He is so strong minded and wants to do what he wants to do. We have had him home with my mom and a nanny since birth and he thrives at home but we think he needs to be around other kids. Good luck!!

Switch daycare

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