My last project and horrible leadership left me with PTSD. Anytime I need to talk about it (staffing interviews, performance, etc.), I get anxious all over again. Has anyone dealt with this before?

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Yes! I lived in that nightmare for months. Took therapy, lifestyle change, and getting myself out of that environment completely to start to feel better again. Even after I left the environment, it took some time to not experience the anxiety anytime I thought about it. I am sorry you’re going through it OP. Please focus on your own health and well being over anything else. You are the #1 priority

likeuplifting

+1 this!

I know what you mean. It happened to me ages ago, and I had to get counseling. After a year of counseling, I focused on building my confidence. Some director called me a powerhouse recently, not in the positive way, but I really didn’t give a shit. I’ve grown to be strong and stand my ground, just because someone tried to take that away from me. Reach out to your PML and explain the situation, request to be swapped for the project because it’s not good for you mentally.

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+1

likehelpful
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This week someone asked me about my last project / leadership and I broke down crying just trying to talk about it 🤦🏼‍♀️

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Damn 😥

To all the people basically saying to "man up," first of all... F%ck you. Mental health is no joke.

Secondly, you probably have never dealt with what OP has in the workplace, or any of us who have just had absolutely miserable experiences at work. I was on a project where an SM literally told me that if I got hit by a bus my life would be worth $27 to him. To someone who struggled with depression his entire life, that was BRUTAL to hear and deal with.

And even if you have dealt with the exact same situation and didn't have the same reaction, it does not make you a better person. Being able to deal with something that should NEVER happen in the workplace does not make you a better person or employee, it makes you better at dealing with sh*t nobody should be expected to deal with which means absolutely nothing about your value as a consultant.

likehelpful

I’m with you D2. I’m absolutely shocked that this type of stuff goes on more than once in a blue moon. Hopefully you all are getting escalation processes in place and canning these terrible Managers.

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I’m really sorry and yes; I have and I’m still dealing with it. My new manager is nicer and wants to have a better working relationship with me; but I feel like I’m just expecting the worst or to be let down.

My old manager would laugh at my ideas and at the thought / talk of me being promoted. It would be hard to have a conversation and he’d take everything personally. And now that I’m out of his clutches, he hates me. Sigh

likehelpful

Wow! What do managers do to create this situation? I’ve always been very lucky wish managers - never laughed at or made to feel stupid

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Yep. Due to sexual harassment and being blackballed for reporting it. I had to see a shrink to help me with it.

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Thanks but it's not. Still being blackballed while trying to find another project. This is why a lot of women are scared to speak up. Lesson learned.

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Yeah my husband (total previously top performer) got this from a bad project at at BCG. He took an internal role for 3 months + therapy and it does get better, just terrible that it can effect your mental health so significantly.

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PTSD.....seriously?

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OP, I relate to you on so many levels in your work situation. The stress, anxiety, depression from a toxic leader/situation. It can lead to a spectrum of “PTSD” but I’d ask for your thoughtful discretion around that diagnosis, even if it came from a clinician. To AC1’s point and I agree (but here me out), you subvert your own dilemma and mental health journey with the PTSD moniker. Clinically, PTSD, is most appropriately reserved for cases where there was threat to your life or the life of another person in close proximity. Car accident/active shooter/combat, within these confines, there’s even a distinguishing between those cases and sexual trauma, which has its own variation of “PTSD” diagnosis and treatment. They are different in their paths of cause and treatment. We shouldn’t label all these things equivalently, not because of the social justice movements requirement to not infringe on another’s oppression. But rather, because the words we use and the labels we are given or give to ourselves are important because it is connected with what you are and where you fit and that is at the basis of what you are facing in order to overcome. This is what the situation has taken from you. It’s fundamental in overcoming the battle you face. Its so personal to have to endure and overcome this issue at work, I know it, but also don’t add to it the complications of an equivalency to a near death experience.

Also... there is such a thing as post traumatic growth... your skyrocket recovery after something really bad happens to you. Be victim to no one. We DESERVE nothing in this life, there is what happens to us, what we do, what we are responsible for and what we can change. Don’t lock the PTSD handcuffs on yourself as a way out of this. Instead, surround yourself with supporters and mentors who refuse to echo your plot in life right now or what’s “wrong with you” PTSD or not and instead strengthen you with affirmations and truths about you.

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You wait AC1 - you can get fucked at work in such ways, you don’t even understand how it’s possible...

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Yes. Had to go on therapy and medication. Please get the help you need and take time off

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Wow I can’t believe it could get that bad. We have stressful situations and all of us can be aholes sometimes, but PTSD is extreme.
Sorry to hear this.

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It was so bad my Career Counselor and other project leaders pushed me to go to HR. My Manager was rolled off and eventually fired once other people came forward with their own horror stories. It was a miserable existence full of gaslighting, politicking, gossiping, lying, setting unreasonable expectations, pitting the client against others, and vindictive behavior.

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I am in this now

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I rolled off a horrible project back in January. Two days ago I had to talk about it for both performance and staffing reasons. My heart rate was so high my Fitbit thought I was working out. They were trying to put me on a different project under the same director.

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Wish there’s a laughing cry upvote. I’m sorry to hear this C2, but the Fitbit one left me laughing😂. If the director was the reason behind the nightmare, maybe just speak up during the staffing

I am honestly convinced that all managers and up are so utterly incompetent that the only way they can get anything accomplished is though fear of promo/reviews. I feel embarrassed to be part of this industry

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I had a horrible manager that one would question why an employee of the same company would act in such a way. He was the worst individual I could ever work with. Contemplated leaving my company without a solid backup plan because of him. He was a horrible individual that doesn’t know how to react under pressure and his team suffered. Literally the entire team left him by himself because he was horrible. If it wasn’t for the client liking him he would have been sent on his way. Smh.

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You would think the firm would understand that the person was toxic. But all the firm cares about is pleasing the client. Or at least on my project they kept him.

Yes

Honey! ❤️

Yes. Took me a long time to get over it but what helped was to frame it as a learning experience. My skin is thicker for it now

It makes me sick knowing that this kind of s*** happens at our company. I’m sorry, OP, and glad that the person responsible got what was coming to them. I don’t have much advice on how to deal with the mental trauma, but can tell you that most teams at this company treat their folks a heck of a lot better than what you’ve experienced.

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