My long distance relationship has been so many ups and downs for a few years now. We have wonderful moments, usually followed by horrible and painful moments as well. At this point I don’t know why we’re still holding on. I know the distance is a big issue and I’m considering relocating but I can’t help but wonder: should I be relocating when we’re so shaky?

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Would you be moving solely for this relationship? Then no.

If you can do a temporary move for a few months to test out whether proximity helps the relationship, that would be much better.


Hello Author,

I was in the same situation and I had to break my long distance relationship (for reasons that are more than just distance). The break up was extremely hard and I am still dealing with it. Just like you, I also feel extremely hard to imagine him with someone else.

From this experience, I learn that we can put in the efforts and we cannot control the outcome. When we can't control our destiny, we certainly have no effect over someone else's destiny!

You're doing well in your life (career), you're going to a therapist! You will get over this - it will take sometime to heal.


Sounds like it’s time to let go


And I am seeing a therapist so no worries there. I do think this is a good thing to bring up though thank you for that feedback 🤍


Long distance isn’t real without a planned end date and regularly scheduled visits. Monthly, if not biweekly.


Agreed. We do have the visits down pact luckily we’re just a 3 hour flight away but the end date has always been an issue. I thought when the time came he would be more flexible with where we could go, but it seems like he’s adamant on staying put where he is (he also can’t even leave that city because of a visa issue).



Years ago my partner moved to another country for work and we suddenly were in a long distance relationship.
That almost broke us and we were at the point of either breaking up or one of us had to move so we could try it again.
We are now married and promised each other to never ever do long distance anymore.
Maybe it’s just the distance that brings a lot of negativity to the relationship while the relationship itself is good. For us it definitely was the time difference but also local experience (Tokyo and NYC) that made it hard to share moments and feel connected with each other.


Thank you for sharing, gives me a little bit a hope. Can I ask how long were you at a distance for and how did you decide who would move?



Almost did this with my ex of 5 years. Would’ve been a major regret as most likely we would’ve broken up soon after and I’d find myself tied down in an unfamiliar environment away from friends and family. However, it seems like you already know the answer given the phrasing of your question: no.

If the opportunity comes to live somewhat long term with your partner (temporarily for many months to a year) I’d try it out, but really ask yourself if the relationship is going to last past that


I feel this. If I did move in theory, I do have friends there since I also used to live there. But I would still be giving up my best friends and my family who I’m lucky enough to be around currently. I don’t know, however, that I want to go back to somewhere I already left. Thank you for sharing your story I have been having these thoughts as well.

What is the fighting about, how does it start and how does it usually end?

That’s the million dollar question! It’s always over nothing too big. He can’t seem to handle my emotions unless I phrase them in a very particular way. I understand him in that of course it’s easier to respond to others emotions if it’s said in a loving way without blame etc. and I try for that but damn I’m also a human and sometimes I get upset! And it doesn’t come out perfect! We definitely know we have a huge issue communicating. It sucks that my intention is always just to share with him how I feel and it turns into a huge fight that takes hours or days to resolve. Really taking a toll on both of our mental health.

I do really believe in the power of therapy and we had found a relationship therapist but unless we are in the same city we can’t do it so it’s pretty inconsistent. I’m also just the type of person that will try everything and anything before I give up but I kind of feel like I’m burning out on this. I just wish it could be better.

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