My long distance relationship has been so many ups and downs for a few years now. We have wonderful moments, usually followed by horrible and painful moments as well. At this point I don’t know why we’re still holding on. I know the distance is a big issue and I’m considering relocating but I can’t help but wonder: should I be relocating when we’re so shaky?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Would you be moving solely for this relationship? Then no.

If you can do a temporary move for a few months to test out whether proximity helps the relationship, that would be much better.

like

Hello Author,

I was in the same situation and I had to break my long distance relationship (for reasons that are more than just distance). The break up was extremely hard and I am still dealing with it. Just like you, I also feel extremely hard to imagine him with someone else.

From this experience, I learn that we can put in the efforts and we cannot control the outcome. When we can't control our destiny, we certainly have no effect over someone else's destiny!

You're doing well in your life (career), you're going to a therapist! You will get over this - it will take sometime to heal.

uplifting

Sounds like it’s time to let go

likehelpful

And I am seeing a therapist so no worries there. I do think this is a good thing to bring up though thank you for that feedback 🤍

like

Long distance isn’t real without a planned end date and regularly scheduled visits. Monthly, if not biweekly.

like

Agreed. We do have the visits down pact luckily we’re just a 3 hour flight away but the end date has always been an issue. I thought when the time came he would be more flexible with where we could go, but it seems like he’s adamant on staying put where he is (he also can’t even leave that city because of a visa issue).

Nope

like

Years ago my partner moved to another country for work and we suddenly were in a long distance relationship.
That almost broke us and we were at the point of either breaking up or one of us had to move so we could try it again.
We are now married and promised each other to never ever do long distance anymore.
Maybe it’s just the distance that brings a lot of negativity to the relationship while the relationship itself is good. For us it definitely was the time difference but also local experience (Tokyo and NYC) that made it hard to share moments and feel connected with each other.

like

Thank you for sharing, gives me a little bit a hope. Can I ask how long were you at a distance for and how did you decide who would move?

No.

helpful

Almost did this with my ex of 5 years. Would’ve been a major regret as most likely we would’ve broken up soon after and I’d find myself tied down in an unfamiliar environment away from friends and family. However, it seems like you already know the answer given the phrasing of your question: no.

If the opportunity comes to live somewhat long term with your partner (temporarily for many months to a year) I’d try it out, but really ask yourself if the relationship is going to last past that

like

I feel this. If I did move in theory, I do have friends there since I also used to live there. But I would still be giving up my best friends and my family who I’m lucky enough to be around currently. I don’t know, however, that I want to go back to somewhere I already left. Thank you for sharing your story I have been having these thoughts as well.

What is the fighting about, how does it start and how does it usually end?

That’s the million dollar question! It’s always over nothing too big. He can’t seem to handle my emotions unless I phrase them in a very particular way. I understand him in that of course it’s easier to respond to others emotions if it’s said in a loving way without blame etc. and I try for that but damn I’m also a human and sometimes I get upset! And it doesn’t come out perfect! We definitely know we have a huge issue communicating. It sucks that my intention is always just to share with him how I feel and it turns into a huge fight that takes hours or days to resolve. Really taking a toll on both of our mental health.

I do really believe in the power of therapy and we had found a relationship therapist but unless we are in the same city we can’t do it so it’s pretty inconsistent. I’m also just the type of person that will try everything and anything before I give up but I kind of feel like I’m burning out on this. I just wish it could be better.

Related Posts

Is Mckinsey hiring Junior Associates in the ME region? If yes, which offices? Any referrals will be great!

like

Metamask vs. Coinbase wallet? What has been your experience ...

like

Anyone know what is the job n responsibility of application owner in mumbai

Hi fishes & sharks l,

What should I learn to get a break as a DevOps engineer?
Skill i have: Openshift, Docker, Linux administration, Ansible automation
Little of my background:
I have total 3 yoe as system admin and IT manager and 15 yoe as IT trainer. I know training experience is not considered as production experience.

Need some advice

Thanks in advance,

like

Company doesn’t offer a 401k. Where should I be allocating for retirement outside of a Roth IRA/401K?

like

Will the decision on internships getting cancel affect the full time employment?

like

Long weekend warm getaway recommendations? Is Puerto Rico or Colombia doable?

like

Have openings of Senior DevOps Engineer (3+) at HERE Technologies. If interested, please share me your resumes.

like

Is optumlabs different from optum global solutions How the hikes will be in optum labs Optum UnitedHealth Group I got offer in optum labs but resisting myself to join as in OGS provide less hikes and low variable pay

like

Posted this in the Litigation and Arbitration bowl and I guess non-ADHDers just do not get how you can fall off track for an entire month. Anyway reposting my question here:
ID people, how long did it take you to get to billing 160-170 hours per month? I am 4 months in and had a terrible Sept. I only billed 75 hours and know I am capable of better. I was up to 120 the previous couple months, but just fell into the void last month. I keep hearing that it gets easier to bill and people don’t even

like

For a Masters in finance student graduating in a few months, is it possible to get a referral to any big4s or big asset management firms?

like

Have an upcoming interview for EY in Amsterdam (VAT). Any tips for it?

like

Interned in MO+ don’t have stats for an IB gig out of undergrad right now. Thinking of industry experience (I’m an engineer) then hopefully an MBA. Or should I start in the industry first?

like

Any books to recommend on mental strength?

like

Get me a job in Google please

like

How many words in your HBS statement? Just trying to get a sense of how others are treating this “unlimited” words prompt...

Wishing your inboxes a quiet late afternoon on this fine Friday 😬

Post Photo
likefunny

Is it worth getting MBA from top school doing cyber work?

likefunny

Got a RFE for change of employer in premium process. USCIS is asking evidence to prove that he role requires a bachelors. Other documentation requested includes detailed job description, work products

like

Additional Posts in Confession

Just bought my first vibrator and I’ve used it a dozen times in the last 24hrs. Omg why did I wait so long to buy this

likefunnyuplifting

If you identify as male and have done this, confess here. If you identify as a woman and you have experienced this, confess here.

Post Photo
like

Do I make a wish or something? 🙏🏼

Post Photo
likefunny

Imagine all the people…

like

Feeling like I need a life makeover. My personal and professional life is so blah and routine. I’ve been at my job for 15 years and I currently feel stuck and burnt out. Has anyone else felt this way? I want more but I don’t know where to start.

like

Do y'all that argue with strangers online about [insert controversial topic] do so in your real lives? I just read four comments arguing about [redacted] and I'm exhausted.

likefunny

Haaaalp! Lost all my workout motivation. Currently sitting on my mat staring at my weights with disgust. It’s been 3 weeks. We hate each other. But my body is like yeah you can’t afford that get back together.

like

Someone groped my fiancée walking past us in the airport this afternoon, and while she is somehow able to carry on, I’m still fuming 🤬

like

I’m 5’7” and I’m sorry but I am sick of my female friends constantly talking about height requirements. Constantly. Preferences are preferences but I would never tell a fat female friend I wouldn’t date fat women.

likefunnyuplifting

There should be a name for the transition you undergo during your first few months of work from treating everyone with respect to silently judging them for their flaws.

funnylike

I always thought you needed to feel a strong love toward someone to date them. I’m finding out people hookup and date for months without feeling strongly, it’s just to have a companion or get over their ex and hopefully it grows into love. I feel so guilty dating someone I don’t feel strongly about, but that means I remain single since I won’t let it get far.

like

I'm from a very conservative culture. I'm reluctant to have sex unless my SO and I already perceive each other as life partner (no need to be engaged or married). Would it be very hard for me to date here in the U.S.?

likefunny

I’m a legend at my company but nobody’s seen me since 2015.

They call me the ghost architect.

I show up, fix everything, and disappear into my nap time

like

Be careful what you share and whom you ask for advice. I think most people don’t really want what’s best for you unless they are happy with themselves, and most aren’t.

like

My adult gummy vitamins container says the serving size is two but I eat four everyday

likefunnyuplifting

I’m lonely 🥺

I have so many “work friends”, and acquaintances from university and highschool. No real ones tho 😭

Edit: I have a ton of friends who I party with or hang out with. Just no one I have those deep life conversations when I need someone.

like

I can’t stand and resent my SO but I don’t want to be alone. Messed things up with the right one because this one was so full of aggrandized BS and lies…

funnylikesmarthelpful

I feel like I keep losing jobs because of my ADHD… how do I overcome this? I’m a creative and I would love to just work for myself someday, but for now, I need benefits. How do you manage your ADHD/organization in your roles? Best careers for ADHD people?? I love to write and paint and wanna do it full time, but maybe soon? Idk…

likefunny

Can’t think of anything interesting for work white elephant, any suggestions?

like

Maybe it's just because I'm used to people in the DC area being either fairly preppy or business professional but my girlfriend temporarily lives in Salt Lake City and I have to say is that people are really odd. We are City people so the attraction of the outdoors isn't really significant. Our view is that if we want to do something Outdoorsy, we will just take a trip. Not judging anyone.

Why does it attract such eccentric people?

likefunny

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal