My mother (65) often forgets things, and often times things that matter - not like where she put her car keys.

For instance, I told her to not tell people that I’m going for an MBA, but next thing I know, she told people around my hometown.

It’s really important to me to keep my goals in the DL and work in silence. I have told her this - she simply said she forgot I ever said any of that, and promised not to tell.

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Same with mine. It’s because she’s proud and your reasons for not wanting her to tell people don’t resonate with her. The intentions are good but it’s frustrating as hell.

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My mother in law does this. My husband and I have stopped telling her anything important. She was the first person we told we were expecting since we were having dinner in person and she immediately went and told my sister in law and a bunch of other people in the span of time we drove her home from dinner. We only found out she was immediately telling people because my sis in law called and was super excited. I was so pissed since I hadn’t even gotten a chance to let my parents know since I was waiting to do it in person.

Just treat everything you tell her as public news and remove everything at home that’s of value.

likesmart

Ditto this. My father told God and everybody about my engagement before I had a chance to ask for a day of privacy. So, thanks to corona I've been able to keep a bunch of other positive but sensitive news away from him. I just can't trust him, so I don't.

Otherwise OP, put everything in writing.

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My mother shares far too much about my life, despite me explicitly asking her not to. She used to tell people my salary. She learned what it was when I went to my parents early in my career for advice navigating multiple offers. After that I stopped sharing information with her that I didn’t trust her with.

You cannot make your mother trustworthy. There isn’t a version where you say “your word should be more important than your pride” because the truth is that the “should be” isn’t your place. She is entitled to prioritize pride and trust/respect differently than you do.

You need to accept her for who she is. It is entirely up to you what information you choose to put at risk walking into the situation eyes wide open.

likesmart

Your Mom is getting older, OP. Our memory goes when we do; you need to adjust your expectations here. It was the most challenging thing for me to go through when it truly hit home that my parents are getting old and won’t be the same and eventually around.

If there other signs, especially of general confusion, there maybe other problems, so keep an eye on that.

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I understand that she’s proud (of me), but I think she should respect my wishes and keep her word. This is the most recent case, but there has been many others... e.g. throwing out important items at home I told her to please keep.

The worse part is that each time, she vehemently denies that we ever made an agreement, just because she doesn’t remember. She doesn’t even try to entertain that perhaps it was a lapse in her part. I know she means no harm but I feel gaslighted each time.

Anyone been through something similar? How did you deal? Right now I’m maintaining my distance with her, because I’m sick of feeling gaslighted and getting into fights that aren’t getting anywhere. I can tell it makes her sad but I’m at my wits end.

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Either don’t tell her things or record her when you do talk. She may not realize her memory lapses, and they could get worse from a health and aging perspective. Recordings would be helpful to have in case in the future, if she’s in denial about getting help for any health/memory issues. Have seen many situations where aging parents refuse to get medical help bc they don’t realize their own memory lapses or are in denial

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It’s hard to change people at 65. She doesn’t seem to be doing anything malicious (sharing your social security nr or credit score, or talking sht), but since it bothers you, perhaps stop sharing goals you don’t want her friends to know. She’s human, she’s advanced in age, she’s not going to keep it a secret esp things she’s proud of, and I’m sure she forgets a lot. My parents do too

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