My mother in law expects us to contribute $100k for our sister in laws wedding! We got no assets in inheritance and already contribute around $15k annually for her maintenance. My husband is constantly stressed but doesn’t speak up. What can I do?

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100k is just for wedding..this never stops as sister maintenance post wedding goes on with huge list every year

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This is ridiculous to spend on a wedding. We need to encourage the culture of simple and intimate weddings. I would say that it’s your husband’s place to speak up. Helping a little for a simple wedding if his parents and sister can’t afford it is understandable but 100k is a “luxury” wedding

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If your husband’s parents can’t afford to pay for her wedding, I can understand why your MIL is asking her son for money. If they are in india, you might know that india has became very expensive nowadays. I personally think that he should help out with his sister’s wedding. Cutting down on unnecessary expenses and trying to find a middle ground would help.

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What the… My wedding expense didn’t go above 2 lakh and i paid it on my pocket 6 yrs ago. Why sacrifice the future for a one time show off event.
Moreover India has improved in terms of dealing with bad marriages. People part ways if things don’t work out. That’s like a 100k merger with zero terminal value

Thanks guys, this is exactly what I think. I find it ridiculous for us to pay for someone who is about the same age as me. I have been working my ass off to get where I wanted to but the expectation from back home is ridiculous.

Husband is very stressed too but doesn’t speak up.

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Honestly there is nothing to be stressed out. He just need to man up and talk. Parents and family can become very toxic and demanding if we don’t set clear expectations.

Worst case he does not speak, you may have to speak. Otherwise, you either lose years of savings or will have years of debt

Is she asking because they spent their earnings to give better education to son compared to daughter is that why your husband can’t say no

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In that case your sister-in-law should spend for her own marriage and if your in-laws have any properties ask them use it as dowry as I am guessing some of the money might be for dowry

Why the heck would you contribute for a grown adult whose not your kid’s wedding???? Just say no; we can’t afford that. Is this like a “behen ki shaadi” thing? If so, remind them they no longer live in a village where she’s a helpless little maiden.

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Agree with you! Just reminded me of this.

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You need to speak up if your husband won’t. It’s between being the firm (arrogant) person or losing 100k to a wedding that’s not even yours. You gotta put your first. Imagine what that 100k will grow into if you invested to stocks or it can literally buy you a house in a Tier 2 city.

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That’s too much money for a wedding. Is dowry involved

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The sister in law needs to come up with the money for her own wedding.

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This ^^ what does she even do to be entitled for $100K wedding. She needs to take care her own wishes

Does your husband want to contribute? If not do a cheaper wedding.

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Tell them what you can comfortably contribute and be firm.

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Don’t do it. Speak up. Say you can’t afford to spend so much because you’ve invested all your money (or say you’ve lost money in the stock market. Just make up something). You guys are already doing a lot by contributing 15k for her maintenance. Just curious - why can’t she work and support herself? Is she still in college?

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Which part of the country is your husbands family from, I m curious. 100k is ridiculous tbh.

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@OP, shaadi hona unko yah puraa numaishi bhaitaneka sochri? Baigan. Nakko diyo ek bhi dallar.

I am from Hyderabad, and this is utter ridiculous. I can see this type of pressure put by South Indian parents, though. This is the time your husband needs to stand up for himself. It is time he draws boundaries. Before you know, next, it will be bearing expenses for nephews and nieces, and it never stops. Do they come from wealthy family? Else, he should remind them of how important it is to save for a rainy day. We, as immigrants mostly on h1bs, need to have high emergency savings - who knows when we are forced to pack up!

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Good! Paradise became crap 7+ years ago. Interestingly, Hyderabad House apparently has improved now.

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Tell her to take a hike. The nerve and entitlement is ridiculous. Hopefully the sister in law has a brain on her to decline the request her mom made.

Sister in law won’t speak up either.

People are spending $100K on wedding these days?! Its a downpayment on a small house😂 Are your in-laws based in US or somewhere else?

People should never pay 100k for their own wedding, let along someone else’s

Exactly my thoughts! The mother in law is going crazy though

Speak to a financial advisor, therapist, and a lawyer asap. Big family issues here.

Well, if the financial advisor has any solutions involving legal routes for future plans. Foreign property, inheritance, etc.

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Hello People,
Looking for advice based on experience. Currently living with in-laws that have come to support us with our first baby. My in-laws and I have had a rocky start to our relationship due to ours being an inter-religion marriage. Many things have been said that I’m neither able to forgive nor forget. I have a very kind husband who understands my sentiments but wants to try to have a cordial relationship with them now for the sake of our baby (and baby’s relationship with grandparents)

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