My mother is visiting me and staying with me for a few weeks. I am having a really hard time fighting my abandonment issues and being nice to her/around her. For years, I was taken for granted and was the emotional punching bag. Since my father passed she wants to spend more time with me and I can't understand why. She has aged and I can see that and it is taking everything within me to fight the abandonment issues that I am feeling. I know she means well but when she says that she wants to

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I recently confronted my parent for abandoning me. It felt great to have him ask what he could do to make up for it and even called me several times to talk. Unfortunately once he started talking I realized that the it wasn’t a real apology and there was no sincerity. Rather it for him to you say are just a sensitive and emotional woman so that’s why you’re going through this. He didn’t actually mean to apologize or acknowledge the pain he put me through. He had no intentions of recognizing any of his actions and when I tried he hung up. I decided that if I ever were to see him again it would be very brief.

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Let me start by saying I am so sorry for what you’ve experienced. The fact that you’re in therapy and sharing on here and working through this is amazing. I do think as people go through big life changes their perspective can shift and it’s really tough to adjust to the new version. My mom spent most of my life emotionally and verbally abusing us and finally got the help she needed to heal from her traumatic childhood, and it’s very tough now to try to forgive her for everything that came before. The biggest thing I want to say is that yes, I think working to appreciate her being around and spending time is good, but definitely also make sure you establish boundaries and have alone time. She’s not entitled to your time. I try to think “20 years from now will I wish I had done xyz with my mom” and have been using that as a guide and it’s been helping me

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Thanks for sharing this D1. I am going to use the 20 years from now concept. Thanks again!

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Also, and definitely have your therapist guide this, but it sounds to me like working towards eventually having your mom join you for a few therapy sessions could be SUPER healing. I did that and it helped a ton

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(cont'd) spend as much time with me, all I find myself thinking is that it is fake. I want to scream and ask her what she wants from me that she suddenly wants to spend time with me. I know this is just the trauma talking but it is really hard to fight the trauma and tell myself this isn't reality. She just wants to spend time with me and I should be grateful for that. I am in therapy and will address this overwhelming feeling there. I just wanted to put this out somewhere because fighting this is challenging.

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Hi All,

Would need your help please before joinig the Organization!! Need your kind help Folks!

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