{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My mother-in-law passed away 2 weeks ago (not Covid and somewhat unexpected). I work in a small, tight knit group or so I thought. I let them all know through email and got the obligatory \"sorry for your loss\", but since then we received no other acknowledgement. When other team members had parents pass I've always sent flowers or donated to the cause they requested.\n\nThis is bothering me more than it probably should. Should I say anything or just let it go?", "post_id": "600acf2c53ba380024f9a477", "reply_count": 14, "vote_count": 9, "bowl_id": "58f7fc5fae9f610010f862d9", "bowl_name": "Women in Accounting" }

My mother-in-law passed away 2 weeks ago (not Covid and somewhat unexpected). I work in a small, tight knit group or so I thought. I let them all know through email and got the obligatory "sorry for your loss", but since then we received no other acknowledgement. When other team members had parents pass I've always sent flowers or donated to the cause they requested. This is bothering me more than it probably should. Should I say anything or just let it go?

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I think you need to let this go. You sound like a thoughtful person, and I understand it can feel hurtful when others don’t behave how you would or how you’d hope, but this doesn’t sound malicious.

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Thank you. Logically I know you're right, it's just going to take a while to get past this feeling.

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So sorry for your loss. I agree that it’s probably just best to let this go. Right or wrong, I also think that an in-law passing is not viewed the same as if it were your parent.

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I guess it depends on the team and if your co-workers knew your spouse? When my FIL passed my boss sent us a memorial plant. Maybe it's the remote situation, it's easier to do something if you are going to see them in person but remotely it's easy to let things slip if nobody coordinates for a group card etc.

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I agree to let it go. Everyone’s situation is different. You don’t know if they are suffering mentally or financially that cause them to act differently from what you had done before. This is a rather different world now.

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I have to agree with Deloitte 4. They should be more sympathetic, but losing a parent is viewed a lot differently than losing an in law or say a grandparent. Obviously everyone’s situation is different though. I’m sorry for your loss OP.

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Don’t let that change how you treat people. I’ve had similar happen to me- but you know, every time I send a card or flowers- I’ve gotten an effusive thank you and I was glad I did it. A lot of people just don’t have as high of EQ as you do. And so sorry for your unexpected loss. Definitely been a rough couple of years.

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Not sure what you could say without sounding petty or overly sensitive 🤷🏽‍♀️

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I can understand your disappointment. I’m sorry this happened :(

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I don’t have much advice but wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss OP. I know that the loss of a MIL can be devastating. I believe it’s not an issue of your coworkers not caring, but more about how people have been pushed to the limit this last year-there isn’t much bandwidth for others as there used to be.

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I lost my grandpa last year, on Valentine’s Day, and the next week I was supposed to issue one job and start another. I called the manager on the active job and he told me to go and just let him + the other job’s managers know once I had things figured out. They were supportive in me taking bereavement for part of the next week and I was able to help my grandma with the funeral planning and appreciated how they supported me and made everything work for both jobs. The people I saw in-person expressed their condolences along with a few of my other team members, but there wasn’t too much beyond that. Death makes people uncomfortable, and your team might not know what to say. The grieving process looks different for everyone and they might be trying to give you space. If it’s a rough day for you emotionally/mentally - be honest when someone asks you how you are doing. You don’t have to go in detail, but you can acknowledge if it’s been tough. It’s a way of inviting them into a conversation without bringing the topic up out of the blue.

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