My nanny has been with me a month. She told me today she can’t handle my 2 year old’s temper tantrums (which I think are pretty typical). I asked if she ever had to deal with tantrums and she said...

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My two year old throws a tantrum when:
- he has to put pants on
- wants eggs for breakfast and we have...wait for it...eggs for breakfast
- has to put shoes on
- has to take shoes off
- isn’t allowed to drink my coffee
- isn’t allowed to play in traffic
- wants a ponytail for daycare but his hair is too short
- is told dog food is for dogs, not people
- there’s no more cheese
- the choo choo train show is over
- grandpa has to hang up FaceTime after an hour
- isn’t allowed to ride the shopping cart like a skateboard
- doesn’t have enough arms to hold all his stuffed animals at the same time

Your nanny is crazy. Two year olds are notorious for tantrums and the lying on the floor protest is classic. Find a new nanny with a thicker skin.

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Get a new nanny! Temper tantrums in 2 year olds are very common - don’t know what she has been smoking for 20 years . My kid refused to have real breakfast and cried all morning because he wanted to have his plastic toy ice cream for breakfast.

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What have you enabled her to do when your child does that? When my kids threw tantrums (usually at Target...it seems like it was always at Target), I scooped them up and we went home. I never argued with a screaming toddler - we just stopped whatever we were doing and left. Maybe your nanny isn’t sure how you are wanting her to handle it?

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I’m not at the terrible twos yet but my good friend/neighbor is - her kiddo throws about 25 tantrums a day, and I’m not exaggerating. There are at least 3 an hour.

I’m on a remote role right now and people in my meetings have heard her tantrums in the background from next door! (We live in a dense community so we are very close) but still - hopefully this will make you feel better about your situation! They are kids! They need time to learn how to regulate their emotions... what does she expect??

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This is a tough situation. This is normally why nannies prefer to start when babies are younger/new born so they can form that bond. This is probably also why she hasn’t dealt with this in her last 20 years. I would say let the nanny go, and when you find a new one, be very clear about the requirements to engage a toddler. My daughter is 2 (2.5 next month) and she throws a lot of tantrums - crying non-stop, asking for screen time/iPad when it’s not her scheduled time or day - none of which we give into. But our nanny engages her in a way that doesn’t feed into the tantrums and just distracts her with a lot of patience. Good luck! Is day care an option?

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Not nannying from baby age is not an excuse. This may not be an experienced nanny. Or maybe she nanny-Ed differently before I.e. more parental involvement, following set routines, doing more household stuff/mother’s helper.

Please don’t let her shame/embarrass you. Your child is probably testing his limits with her. He can sense that she’s not fully in control and he’s feeding off that maybe. Either way he needs a kind but firm person who will not let him get his way but also not deny him his emotions (let him cry it out).

She could also give in sometimes to give him illusion of independence and choice. That way he has to follow your way when it’s non negotiable. Or use redirection?

Also nanny or no nanny, your son is going through an age where he will be testing his independence so this is so common.

Another example that comes to mind always when my son throws a tantrum and tries to embarrass me in public, is a time when I went to a children’s museum and we just walked onto a floor where a kid was in full-blown tantrum mode and his dad was just letting him cry it out and just standing there next to him. No comforting no talking nothing. 10 minutes later when we walked out of that floor they were still in the stairwell crying and the dad was still standing there doing nothing, no phone no comforting no nothing.I always think about that dad and I have serious respect for him for letting his son go through those emotions, not stopping him but also not letting him have his way.

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I know right... and that’s what I call nipping in the bud! 😆

No. But she has been nannying for over 20 years. Tell me about your kids tantrums.

The extent of his right now - once or twice a day if he wants to walk one way and you want him to go another, he will just bend his legs, not stand, and lay on the floor. He’s extremely loud so he yells if he doesn’t get what he wants. The nanny says it’s embarrassing.

A1, thanks. My son probably has 1 real tantrum (kicking, failing, screaming) every one to 2 days. They last about 5 min max. The rest is him yelling, not walking, and being stubborn when he doesn’t get what he wants.

Sounds typical to me. Yet I live in fear of having my nanny tell me something like this (not because it reflects on the kid but because I always worry that no one will want to nanny a toddler for this reason.... but professional nannies should totally expect this and be up to the task)

Thanks all. Our last nanny had a family emergency and had to move. She was much better at dealing with our son and he threw fewer tantrums. He’s throwing tantrums because he’s 2, but also he’s going through a lot of changes. New nanny, new house, and new baby on the way. I’m home now about to have a baby so I’ve been able to observe her. I went with her today to a Gymboree art class. She gets frustrated because he won’t sit still and do the art work or listen to the story. So she tries to hold him and make him sit still. This makes him crazier. My approach is as long as he’s not messing with something he shouldn’t or disruptive, let him run. They are used to it in the class and he’s 2.

The other issue was he didn’t want to leave so he laid in the floor and threw a tantrum. She couldn’t manage him. She needed the teacher to help her put his shoes on. Then she tried to carry him to the car since he wouldn’t walk, but he’s too heavy for her.

I thought he did great today (just one tantrum cause he didn’t want to leave), but he’s a strong boy and she can’t handle him. We are home now and he’s at the front door screaming because he wants to go outside. She’s begging him to come in the kitchen.

I just told her to ignore him. Go in the kitchen, make his lunch, ignore his screaming and he will stop.

I think I’ll just keep her a few months into my maternity leave to help me and minimize the churn for him.

1. The change in environment explains his anxiety/calls for attention.
2. His behavior is going to get worse. He’s a saint compared to my almost 4 year old.
3. Wait until potty training... this nanny will freak out 🤣

I know you have already decided and made a good decision.. but thought I would add so you don’t feel your son is acting out. This is soo normal. We need to let our children be children... esp boys.

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