{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?", "post_id": "612922807e74ca001daa4f36", "reply_count": 67, "vote_count": 18, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out). Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way. "yeah, that stereotype is wild right?" "Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people" It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like
Recent IconRecent

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine! People have gotten waaaay too sensitive. IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors. Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level. So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3, You extrapolated a lot from that one statement. How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness. Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up). I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done: 1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager. 2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination. 3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there. PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year. Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense? You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well. HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken. Edit: clarification

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three: 1. A manager of an Asian employee 2. At Lyft 3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report And if the manager _is_ watching: Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

There are two concerns here. First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color). Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte. And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire. Interesting person you are.

like

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at. Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians. But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise. Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

Which firm takes inclusion the most serious?

like

Frustrates me so much that almost all the partners in Mckinsey regions I see are from Harvard - can’t make that alumni connect. They need some diversity up there, throw in a state school will ya!

like

Is anyone else having difficulty when teaching pronouns now with non-binary terms? My students insist on the fact that Susan doesn’t have to be she it could be they. Answer key says she. How do we handle this?!?!

likehelpful

do you think diversity issues are concentrated in creative wings of agencies (like pigeonholing POC in account or HR), or is it more widespread?

like

Do you females out there face gender based assumptions

like

I wish glass door would tell you gender. Would love to see how much more men creatives still get paid more than women.

like

I am trying flexible seating for the 1st time this year, and I feel like kids are just sitting with their friends and segregating themselves by gender. For those who do flexible seating, how do you

like

I really don’t understand the hate against Diversity and Inclusion efforts. I grew up hearing my parents worry about being passed over for promotions and denied opportunities, due to race. It’s a real concern for black professionals.

likefunnysmarthelpful
like

What’s a better way to say, ‘you guys’?

like

Best consulting firms for real inclusion?

funny

What are some ways in which you’ve specifically contributed to gender equality in the workplace?

like

This question is not gender related, yet I don’t want to be ‘mansplained’ to, hence asking here ;) it’s related to taxable income at Deloitte...

like

Is this place for gender/sexual minorities as well? I'm a gay transgender man, but as I'm white, I'm not sure if I belong here.

like

Why such a lack of diversity in advertising? Is this still a white man's world?

like

“It just stresses me out-having ALL women on this project. It’s not even a gender thing. It just... if anything it‘d be MORE sexist to keep the team “as-is” simply BECAUSE you’re all women, you know?"

likefunnysmart
like

What are the drawbacks of filing a second I485? For context I’m ROW and filed an EB I485 in May last year (Texas service center so still waiting). I am now eligible to file I485 under the diversity lottery program, that would be faster and no need to stay with my employer after GC

like

Additional Posts

How does everyone's bench look right now?

Considering leaving my agency after just a couple months in pharma - feeling underutilized and stuck. My question: do I leave this stint off my resume entirely? List the parent agency instead of the wellness arm? Pass it off as freelance? Not trying to be dishonest I just know this experience probably isn’t relevant when going out for non-pharma jobs.

like

What is the interview process like for the the VCA client consulting analyst position? What kind of questions are asked?

like

General thoughts on Capco financial services? (reputation, pay, culture, etc)

like

ZS 🐠. Anyone who’s recently gone through a Senior BTA interview? Would love to connect and have some information regering the overall process and details.

like

Attending Ross this fall for my MBA, any Rossers have any must dos or things I should see while I’m out in Ann Arbor?

like

Parents are deciding between moving to WVirginia vs Virginia for retirement to be closer to us based in fairfax, va(ideally be at 1 hour driving distance). They currently in the mid west but WVirginia appeals to them because of low taxes, low cost of living. We are also poc so appreciate some diversity. What are some areas you would recommend both in Va and WV? What else should they consider prior to house hunting? Dad likes to garden/farm as well so looking for homes with large backyards. Tia!

like

Hi, I’m looking for the best within the big 4 or group with big 4 for tax attorneys. Any thoughts are much appreciated.

like

Looking to plan a 10 day trip to Italy for my mom, sister and I. Any reccommendations on tour guides/travel agents/things to avoid! All info greatly appreciated!!

like

Is it possible to breastfeed only if you get a baby nurse? I am due in December and contemplating getting a baby nurse, but want to know if baby nurses make more sense if you’re pumping or giving formula.

like

Any interview tips for Google finance and operations? Feeling overwhelmed

like

If I leave public accounting after.my.senior years without my CPA am I still marketable? I have my MBA which I could fall back on.

like

I’m a 25 year old male working in consulting who moved out of the city temporarily during covid. I plan to move back Sept. - Nov. my only real friends in the city were friends from work which get old sometimes. Any advice on how to meet new friends?

like

How long should you work at a firm before you start looking for opportunities? I’ve heard it’s wise to wait until a promotion otherwise you get the stigma that you’re a job hopper. Also, what’s the minimal time you can work on a place and put it on your resume?

like

How many of you moved back in with your parents due to COVID? I’m seriously considering moving back home once my lease is up.

likehelpful

Any agencies with good parental leave policies? Or are most through short-term disability or only partial pay?

like

I love when an agency wins a pitch and their hardcore excitement about the victory doesn’t match up to the client name: HELL YEAH LINKEDIN!! WE JUST WON SNACKABLES!!!

likefunny

Hi everyone, I saw a job listing for Zoox (strategy role) and was interested in applying. Does anyone have insight into how the interview process works for them (i.e., what kind of questions could I expect to be asked, how similar are they to consulting interviews, etc.)? It’ll be my first time trying to lateral into the AV space so any tips/insight anyone could provide would be super helpful! Thanks in advance :)

like

FP&A vs Internal audit? Salary/WLB?

like

Getting offers for a similar role and comp for Data platforms at Adobe and Salesforce. Which one would you go for?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

{ "isSet": true, "allowed": true }

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal