My office says they respect diversity, but my manager made a joke or two about me being Asian. Am I being too sensitive?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

IMO, no. I used to think jokes were just for fun. But I learned at work that they often harbor some beliefs that impact decision-making on people. And if they’re not openly joking about their superiors, definitely watch out.

like

HR videos are useless. I learned from paying attention.

like

I'm from a minority (Latino) and I think most jokes are fine!

People have gotten waaaay too sensitive.

IMO, most stereotype jokes are like caricatures, but instead of highlighting distinctive physical attributes, they highlight distinctive funny human behaviors.
Sure, you can see a little bit of yourself in them, but you know they are not a true representation of reality. Obviously, there are offensive jokes that cross the line, but most of them are only a problem if you let them get to you in a personal level.
So, lighten up.

like

Software engineer 3,

You extrapolated a lot from that one statement.

How is constantly guessing someone's intent (hard to really know unless you're a mind-reader) rather than assessing impact on you (something that's easier to figure out as it pertains to ...yourself) lead to grudges and therefore a miserable life? Assessing how something affects you and then decide how to act is how I would hope people strive to live their lives. It's called self awareness.

Either way I think folks have given appropriate advice based on limited knowledge to either talk about it with manager, let it go, or look to work for another manager (if this is a pattern, things can add up).

I hope OP realizes their feelings about the joke are as valid as any other feelings one may have.

Recent IconRecent

I was in this situation before where I confronted my manager about his sexist comments. I thought I was doing the right thing but I got fired a few months later. Here’s what I wish I had done:
1. Document all instances where your manager did this. If there are witnesses, send them a slack and say “I can’t believe he said …” or, depending on the state you’re in, record convos with your manager.
2. Go straight to HR to leave another paper trail. If your company values diversity there should be a way to report these things. If you ever get fired you have more of a case for wrongful termination.
3. Change teams or leave the company when it is safe to do so - you deserve better treatment. It exists out there.

PS: those asking what the jokes are or how serious the jokes are have made racist jokes themselves before.

like

I agree, going to HR will not help. Their job is to protect the partners, not you. Also agree with PM1 that there’s no point confronting. If it becomes systematic and offends you, then start building your defenses

like

No, you aren’t being “sensitive,” you’re being a responsible human who should correct your manager. “I know it’s in jest, but race and identity are sensitive topics…” or whatever you think you need or want to say.

like

“Hey. It seems you don’t mean anything with the banter. But I was made fun of and put down a lot growing up because of my Asian heritage, so I’m a bit sensitive to it. I like a friendly tone around the office though, and think it’s important for the team. How can we continue doing that without race?” (delivered with an inquisitive - asking for help - tone of voice and body language)

like

Context is important, but ultimately if it bothered you enough to post here, you should probably address it. Just remember, there is no such thing as a "pure" workplace, so being offended by everything is also not the right play (and probably just means you need to get out).

Pick what matters to you the most and establish boundaries early. I'm rarely offended. I laugh with the group when it's clear I'm embodying certain cultural stereotypes and I'm being called on it. I never find it harmful or toxic - we all need to be able to laugh at ourselves. If it turns to exclusionary behavior, I take a very different view.

likehelpfulfunny

I think the mere fact that you're posting it on here means it's impacted you. I have found the best way to handle this type of situation is right in the moment. Call it for what it is but in a casual unbothered way.

"yeah, that stereotype is wild right?"
"Oh wow, yeah it's crazy how ppl think/say that about Asian people"

It's a direct way of making them rethink how they not only speak to you but how they approach those kinds of jokes in the future. The reality is we're at work. It's clear it bothered you otherwise you wouldn't be ruminating on Fishbowl. So folks asking what was specifically said or discussing the manager's intent is meaningless.

like

What kind of joke are we talking about? There's a long range of Asian jokes possible from mildly OK to wtf

likehelpful

Your manager is not your office. It’s possible to work for an amazing company with terrible team leadership. As for your question, it really depends. It’s hard to answer, “Am I being too sensitive,” without knowing the entire situation. I’m a minority as well. I try to frame the situation in terms of intentional aggression. Was it observational humor that happened to have a racial component or is this person making fun of my blackness at my expense?

You can always talk to the other person. This usually works well if the other person isn’t meaning to be hurtful. Sometimes people get too comfortable without realizing a line has been crossed. Keep in mind that a direct approach can require decent emotional intelligence and tact. You can escalate the issue to someone above you as well.

HR is also an option as well, but this is usually the nuclear option. HR isn’t there for you nor the other person. Disciplinary action (be it a minor write up or someone getting fired) will likely be taken.

Edit: clarification

like

The depends on the jk stuff is BS. A persons sensitivities should matter regardless. I might not be as offended as some folks, but that doesn’t mean their experience doesn’t matter. It’s shit like this that allows people to think it’s ok to bully Asians. As an Asian male, we’ve always been used as punching bags in American society, and quite literally in the past year.

Watch any Coen bros movie (which I love) and you see there’s always one or two Asian jokes and probably not by coincidence. Not trying to victim blame but you’re in the right to speak up as someone who took offense to your managers joke. Otherwise it’ll keep happening. Rep your set!

like

I think it depends on the joke. Having equal opportunities, feeling like you can communicate and share your ideas without prejudice, having your work respected by peers, those are crucial to succeeding in your career and certainly part of being inclusive. Friends and coworkers will sometimes make jokes, ideally light-hearted and hopefully funny to you as well. If you feel uncomfortable with the joke they made, whatever the reason might be, let your manager know that you don't find that funny.

like

There are two concerns here.

First, micro-racism. Yes, it exists, and yes, it should be handled. Micro-racism is how racist folks generally pretend to be diverse (Biggest cliche example: I have friends of color).

Second, sensitivity. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are never too sensitive.

like

Nah. Seems that maybe human behavior and psychology is not your forte.

And what’s funnier is rather than make a counter-argument with some basis, you’d rather insult. So guess I’ll fight fire with fire.

Interesting person you are.

like

You need more context on this post and share the joke....

like

How many people on here can possibly be all three:

1. A manager of an Asian employee
2. At Lyft
3. Who has recently made questionable jokes to their Asian direct report

And if the manager _is_ watching:

Stop making racist jokes at work.

likesmart

What was the joke

like

There's no such thing as "too sensitive" – feelings aren't correct or incorrect, they're not "your fault" for having them, and it's not "your fault" for feeling a certain way or another. That line of thinking just keeps us all paralyzed and permits abuses to continue. If you were Black, would you even be here asking this question? Nope. The fact that being Asian is somehow "jokeworthy" is beyond me. I'm tired of Asians being the only minority that is still "acceptable" to poke fun at.

Bottom line: If it made you feel bad, it's worthy of bringing up as a point of discussion. Tactfully. Respectfully. I don't know your manager, and as my mother says, "ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot." So if your manager is simply the former, you have some hope of enlightening them and making Lyft a better workplace for yourself and other Asians.

But if you are bringing it here and feel that you require anonymity to even discuss it, it means that we aren't really at any point of workplace psychological safety where we can feel free to address concerns without having our selves, our careers, or professional growth threatened. What you do about it is up to you, because retaliation does exist, you know your workplace best, but it doesn't make joking about someone's race any less wrong or you "too sensitive" or some other BS defense that just exists to protect the aggressor.

like

Don’t ever confront! He/she will say sorry and build a case against you on sth completely unrelated. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. 21 century politics is not about man-to-man conversations

like

Is the manager From a minority ?

funny

If it affected you to the point of asking this question, it is worth addressing with the jokester. Addressing doesn’t need to be formal- maybe just a “too soon” or “nah, not cool” or even a prolonged Rock-inspired eyebrow raise.

Context is also interesting - was this done in front of a group? In small talk before a meeting agenda item? Finally is this someone with whom there has been enough relationship development over coffee, a meal, or a drink? Each of these steps, in my book, can change the situation a bit.

like

Thanks all, appreciate it so much.

like

Depends on the joke. Lighten up and don’t immediately look at the joke as if the person is trying to get you / offend you.

like

If it’s a joke, it’s usually fine. When malicious acts happen, that’s when you should counter-attack

like

You're not sensitive at all. It's a slimy tactic the majority employs to make you feel small and apologetic. Ask them to explain themselves and submit a complaint to HR. The workplace is for work, not for d-grade open mics.

like

Related Posts

I am looking for a 6th year program in equity or diversity Any information ?

like

I tried resigning and my company really doesn’t want to take no for an answer and is trying to offer to have me move to another team or make some sort of counter. However, I know I won’t accept the counter bc the culture has been so bad for my mental health and have already accepted another offer. Struggling how to be firm on the no with this! Any tips would be greatly appreciated!!

like

Age, gender, tech stack, yoe, ctc, company name

like

Well, I’m out of advertising. After getting laid off on April 30th I held out in hopes I’d find something “cool” and be able to continue dressing like a clown for work (I’m heavily tattooed and have my septum pierced). I took a job as an EA in real estate investment banking and while I do feel relieved to not have to keep up the “cool” agency culture, I’m a little nervous to return to buttoned up corporate America. I know I’m good at my job, but unemployment Swiss cheese brain is real!

like

How many Firm (non-billable hours) a year do you commit, where do most of them go, and what’s your gender?

like

How honest is too honest in an exit interview? I am leaving because of problems with one partner in particular but I do not want to burn a bridge in case I ever need the firm in the future.

like

Would be a good to get a salary thread going - post your salary, yrs. of experience, location, and gender.

like

Do you see many high-performing senior Associates from other big fours transfer in?

& Do you think transferring to another big four burns bridges with your old employer?
(I'm Uk-based, received multiple pieces of feedback that I'm performing beyond my grade. But central hc refused to evaluate early promotion)

like

Is it just me, or is it common for former union bosses who go into corporate management to have an inherent inclination try to treat their employees the same way they would treat their employer in their previous role? Anyone else have a similar experience?

like

Drinks today near Chelsea/Midtown area? 32 - F
Pls share age/gender

like

Does BCW not allow conservatives to be employed at this company? I’m sitting through another meeting where we are highlighting amazing women and it is so politicized I am completely offended. AOC, Biden, Ilhan, Hilary... I mean at try to be inclusive when speaking of diversity. You can’t name a single female in the Conservative party throughout history?

like

So about quiet quitting, at another job I was in I felt I was getting more and more tacked onto my job and picking up the slack of everyone else. I told my boss that I was doing work that was in someone else’s job description and it would be nice if they could help me out by doing their job. He told me, “But you’re so much better at it.” Looking back, I think the whole team was quiet quitting and he was resting on me and so I real quit. What are ya’lls thoughts? Have you ever done it?

like

How do you help younger teams think more critically about the work they bring to you? Especially when they often get paired with more senior creatives who end up picking up the slack for them. ...

like

I just left a very toxic work place.
The crazy thing is they were just named the best local municipality to work for. It's upsetting. They advertise a "culture" but don'tapply it. It felt like a used car sales pitch, I was sold a dream but given junk. I am constantly replaying moments. I have read so many books and everything leads to they were the problem. How do I recover from this?

likehelpful

I am frustrated as a Gay Woman who has given her all for 30+ years grinding to be the best. I have been in closet, out of closet, in-between and am tired of it. I want to be VALUED as a human being. I have gone from Rock Star to problem when people "found out". I have trained and promoted hundreds of people and been passed over for promotions because of not being a man. I have trained men with less experience, worse results only for them to move forward. If Diversity is important...prove it!

like

Opinions on Mediacom as an agency overall and in terms of diversity?

like

Hello! Does anyone have any feedback they’d like to share on BIP (Business Integration Partners) specifically the Milan/Rome offices? I really like the way the firm presents itself online, though the lack of diversity in their leadership is astonishing…
Thank you!

I recently joined a company of 400 people as the only Talent Acquisition Specialist. I feel like the role I'm doing is so much more than a Specialist level. I feel I'm being underpaid and my title doesn't actually align with what I'm doing. I feel like a Manager. I'm trying to recruit on 15+ different positions while trying to manage so many other ongoing projects and requests. How do I bring this up without sounding like I'm complaining? Is it worth saying something?

like

Has anyone else started their exit plan after less than 6 months on the job?

Im a few months into mine, and due to the lack of diversity on the team I’m already thinking about applying else where once I hit a year.

It’s painful and tiring to be the only minority on the team. Smh

likeuplifting

Any consultant here who has worked at Citadel or knows someone who is working at Citadel? A recruiter from there reached out to me today, and I got the sense that the culture there is more intense compared to consulting. How would you compare Citadel vs MBB on the below points:

a) Culture
b) Diversity (I am an international student and a person of color, and my sense is that Citadel is not as international)
c) Comp trajectory

Thanks!

More Posts

Hi guys, need your inputs. About to receive offer from Hexaware.
Current CTC 17.5 lpa fixed.
Offering 27.5 lpa ( including vp) G6 Tech Architect.
YOE 10.4 years.

Have another offer from ACN 25.5 fixed + 7l vp.
Am I low balled?

Once when I was waiting tables, I had a guy pay me cash. The change was 45 cents, which I didn't give back to him because like who wants that. He then asked where the change was, and when I explained that I didn't give back the loose change, he made a big stink about how dollars and cents matter and didn't leave me a tip. He was a republican staffer on capitol hill.

likesmarthelpfulfunny

Hello, I am UCL student who previously worked at JLL looking for a referral for any of the consulting firms (Strategy &, Mckinsey, Bain, or others) in London or Dubai. Thanks in advance.

like
like

One of our clients went bankrupt recently and the invoice we had sent over a month ago was still unpaid. Have you been in this situation before, have you managed to get paid somehow?

Has anyone had experience with/heard of people moving from consulting to work in public health? I’m not sure how my consulting skills would be viewed. (2 years in consulting, public health undergrad)

like

How is WLB at Deloitte India? What are average working hours / day.
Have received 2 offers
1 from Deloitte , 1 from Nagarro
Also Deloitte yearly increment acha deti hai kya?

like

Thinking of pursuing a Master in Finance. Spent 2 years in audit, 1 year in accounting advisory. I knew I absolutely hated audit/accounting work day 1, but stuck it through. Now as I try to pivot into

like
like

Why is love so complicated?

likefunny

Anyone working in coforge for santender client?

Is the chemical peeling at home worth it? Which brand do you go for?

likehelpful

I have an interview with airbnb for a data analyst position and this feel like a dream but I don't really know how to prepare for this. I'm scheduled for a recruiter call but haven't been doing so hot in other interviews at diff companies. any advice on how to prep for this recruiter call or what to expect?? any advice would help!

like

Any Med Express or other Urgent Care Managers out there? Is it worth it? Is pay decent? Etc. I have a BA in Healthcare Administration and Management and 3 YOE as a PCP office manager, 5.5 YOE in Healthcare altogether.

I wanna get out of hr world. Help!

likefunny

What are you supposed to do when its raining?

Is banking worth it?

like

#DELL
For an employee joining as a SDE-2

Could you please help me know about the following:
1. The Onboarding and treatment to new employees.
2. Work culture.
3. Chances of career growth, hikes and promotion.
4. WLB

Please answer, as your inputs would mean a lot to me 🙏

likeuplifting

I almost tripped over myself because I was checking out a slice of pizza.

like

Doea anyone here actually do standup comedy? Very interested in it and have thought about writing stuffs to try out, but not sure how to start as I don't consider myself super humorous 😊

like

Additional Posts in Tech

Did your company give you a Work From Home bonus or stipend?

like

Hello! I have an upcoming interview with Dell Technologies for the position Data Engineer and Automation Consultant. It's a 30 minute Zoom call interview with the director of Data Engineering team.
1. Can I have suggestions on how to prepare for the interview?
2. Directors in this bowl - what questions will you ask a potential a senior/mid-senior employee in am interview?
3. Dell/Ex-Dell employees, Kindly share your experience working with the company - How is the career growth & WLB

Thanks

like

Anyone here create their own government subcontracting company? Is it lucrative?

like

Could someone kindly explain Amazon 's positions hierarchy and what the Ls mean (L5, L4 and such). Mainly interested in IT positions and AWS.

like

Hey Fishbowl peeps!
Does anyone know of a US based company hiring freelancers based out in Canada (Montreal to be specific) please?
Thanks guys!

like

Do you feel like people in tech are obssesed with their own TC?

like

Does anybody have any advice when applying to postings with many applicants and getting noticed? The company I am interested in is Figma, and though I reached out to a few technical recruiters after applying through LinkedIn, I am wondering if there might be something more I could do that maybe I’m not thinking about. Also along those lines, if anybody here works for figma I would love the chance to connect

like

Anyone in PWC London Digital & Cloud COE?

like

Hi I am being interviewed for Business operations specialist position with 4 member interview panel. I am coming out of my career break. So any insights on cracking the interview would be helpful. Thanks

like

How long does the interview process take at Proserve?

Does Proserve have the same culture as AWS (PIP)?

like

Who here is concerned about Michael Burry’s “mother of all recessions” prediction, and who else thinks we’re in stagflation?

like

How do companies now view candidates from Meta?

like

So I am at my first job after college. They lied about a lot of things. It is not diverse, it is not inclusive. Other issues is the management is clueless and I’m contemplating weather I should start looking for other jobs after only being here for 5 months. I would have to pay back relocation and bonus unless I stay here for 2 years. Any thoughts? I need advice on this

like

Anyone have thoughts on a MDM on your personal phone? I want to be able to check my email/slack on my phone but I don’t want my company to also have all this access to my personal device. Can anyone give insight if I’m overthinking this or if it’s a definite “No”.

like

What's the play on updating LinkedIn when accepting a new job? Keep everything as is until the trial period is over or update right away?

like

What’s up with this trend of hiring managers rejecting developers who don’t have FAANG experience on their resume? People in consulting companies also work for clients who handle high traffic and complex architectures. Also, not everyone wants to work at FAANG companies due to moral issues that these big tech companies ignore and blatantly misuse personal data and privacy.

like

Any thoughts or experience on Manager of Analytics v. Sr. Manager of Analytics v. Head of Analytics titles? Is that a typical progression for an analytics career? Any titles I’m missing? What are the biggest differences between the titles? Any estimate for years of experience in the field associated with each?

I know this is a long question :) Answers to any small subset of this question would be greatly appreciated! I understand one answer to the entire question is a lot.

like

Anyone know much about the start up scene in E Africa? I hear a lot of general talk about how it’s ‘booming’ but can’t find much information online. I’m in a weird position where I’m trying to switch into tech but am moving to Kampala for the next year. I am applying now to remote jobs in the U.S. but would love to connect with companies operating in the region.

like

What kind of questions are asked in tech interviews around respect? I’ve done a Google but haven’t found much.

like

Can someonoe explain to me how an oil pipeline got hacked? Pls be kind, I'm not a tech role :P

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal